


Matter of trust

by DarkGirl



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Psychological Torture, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 55,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23696911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkGirl/pseuds/DarkGirl
Summary: Lilith runs away from hell one night into the only place guarded enough against Lucifer, the Spellman mortuary.Zelda wanted a calm night, instead she finds herself dealing with a runaway demoness.
Relationships: Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith
Comments: 224
Kudos: 291





	1. Chapter 1

**Then**

Lilith woke up in cold sweat. The night was freezing and she felt it in her bones. The chimney had gone cold hours away. She sat up on her bed, letting the sheets fall from her frame. She looked around, wary of the shadows. Good, she was alone.

She let herself fall back on the bed with a sigh. The nightmares were getting worse. She wasn’t sure how much of it she would be able to take. So far she spent five out of the seven week days trapped with Lucifer and the other two she had for herself were plagued with nightmares that had her shaking and screaming the whole night, unable to scape her terrors.

-Enough is enough.

She said out loud, trying to sound brave for herself. She failed, her voice broke towards the end of the sentence and she ended up hugging herself, looking for comfort.

To make matters worse the pregnancy was going with much trouble as a demon pregnancy for the devil’s spawn would be expected to be. She had morning sickness all day, was barely able to eat, became dizzy when she made too much effort and was tired and in pain pretty much all the time.

Some tears prickled at her eyes and she quickly dabbed at them with the hem of her sleeve. To top it all she was very emotional this days. It seemed as if centuries of repressing feelings, only letting them out in small bits from time to time, were coming to bite her in the ass.

Lilith swung her legs from her bed ready to get out. There was no way she would be able to sleep now. She staggered on her feet and needed a few seconds to regain her balance, but she managed.

-I need to get away from here. Just a couple of days, until I can sort my thoughts out.

She walked towards her mirror and stood frozen staring at her appearance.

She had held onto Mary Wardwell´s body so long, it now felt as her own. From what she remembered from her old days it was probably how she would have looked if she had actually grown old as a human. Her brown hair fell in messy waves framing her face, cheekbones sharper than ever and eye bags bigger than life from the stress and lack of sleep. She looked so tired and she felt it too. She needed to rest, away from hell. Away from the Morningstar’s and the crown that should have been hers.

And impulsive thought came to her. What if she ran away right there? It wasn’t planned and no one would expect it, Lucifer wouldn’t expect it. He wasn’t there to catch her.

But where could she go?

She knew the answer before she had finished asking.

The Spellman house was the only placed warded enough against the devil. She thought back to the older Spellman kicking her out when she had begged for asylum and dread settled on her stomach. That was what in the end had landed her in this whole mess. She shook her head, hating the woman, then feeling the wave of pain that always came when she thought of Zelda Spellman. She hated how weak she had felt, how humiliated it had been to be thrown out by the woman who once had worshipped her.

To be rejected by the one being she actually thought would help.

The only one who had genuinely made her happy.

That was life for her she supposed, everyone used Lilith when she was needed but when she needed someone no one was there. And she had come to terms with it and was relatively fine with it. Or so she told herself. In reality she wasn’t but she refused to have that conversation with her feelings. Building a wall to ward emotions was the secure option. 

She weighed her options. Convince them to let her stay at the Spellman house. She would surely get kicked out faster than before, with now Sabrina being official queen and all. The Spellman matriarch had always blamed her for it and she was not entirely wrong. And maybe she would be off at the academy and someone else would let her in or kick her out.

-Well if they say no I’ll just go back to same old hell.

But she knew she owed to herself to at least try and she really did not want to spend another night in hell.

Without bothering to put on shoes Lilith grabbed one of her simple coats, a grey thing no one would recognize on her. She had to act quickly, time was of essence. If found out, punishment would be severe. It was one of Lucifer’s favorite hobbies.

She vanished in a whirl of fire and appeared outside the Spellman house. It was still dark, probably the witching hour. She grimaced at the irony and knocked strongly at the doors.

She stood outside, freezing, reproaching herself for not bringing shoes and picking such a light coat. The thing was meant for a light autumn breeze and it seemed to be winter. No one came.

The demoness was about to give up when an inside light turned on and she heard footsteps coming her way. 

She prepared herself and allowed the hopeful thought that it would be Hilda, and that the goodly witchy would take pity on her and let her spend the night.

No such luck would come her way.

-Who the heaven knocks on the door at this time on a bloody week night?! I sure hope they’re ready to get lost!

She heard her before she saw her.

A very angry looking Zelda Spellman opened the door, clearly disturbed from being waken up from sleep at those hours.

-You?

Zelda crossed her arms and look at her from head to toes with a look of disgust drawn on her porcelain features.

-Was I not clear enough last time? What the heaven do you want?

Lilith stood rotted on the spot. She had not expected this. Back in hell all she wanted was out of the torture for a night, and she hadn’t really considered what it would imply for her feelings too actually see Zelda Spellman. The weakness must be making me impulsive, she thought, feeling like a cornered animal who wanted to scape but had nowhere to truly go.

-Is this a joke to annoy us? To bother me? Is that the sole purpose of your existence, Lilith?

Zelda was especially cruel, she did not appreciate being woken up. She had been having an awful week, filled with insomnia and now that she had finally gotten some sleep she was woken up to the mother of demons looking worse for wear on her doorstep.

-I heard you allied yourself with Lucifer.- She added with disdain trying to get some words out of the brunette.

-I, I-y-yes. Sort of. No! I mean I am in hell. Literal hell. But I don’t want it. I don’t want to serve the devil. I told you that before and I stand by my word.- She staggered out, stumbling with the words. Her blue eyes tired yet begging the witch to let her stay.

-Why are you here Lilith?- Zelda sounded tired and she leaned against the door, suppressing a yawn. –For your looks it doesn’t seem to be an official visit so I must ask. Off records, are we in trouble? Is the devil planning another apocalypse? Will he be coming again for Sabrina?

And there it was, the familiar way people would need things from Lilith. Whether it was questions or a favour, it was always there. The demoness ignored the pain on her chest and nodded. If she was able to play her cards well she might get a night in. And why was Zelda asking for Sabrina, didn’t she know her niece was the Queen of Hell?

-I’ll tell you all you want to know, I just have one thing to ask.

Zelda eyed her with distrust and crossed her arms. She could tell there was something off about the demoness but she could not quite place it.

-It is not much, I just need to spend a couple of nights here. Or one night, tonight. I can’t go back to hell.

She tried to play her cards, to show no emotion, but her voice cracked and she added the last sentence. She knew she had blown it, the witch would see her weakness and ask for something bigger in exchange. Yet she had no leverage to give, she was tired, exhausted from keeping up a front and she could feel it crumbling down any second.

Just not in hell, she thought to herself, please don’t reject me again, I can’t go back there.

Zelda rose one eyebrow and this time eyed her with interest, finally picking on her emotion.

-What have you done now Lilith?

The demoness wanted to cry. Oh Zelda, if only you knew; she thought.

-Please, I’ll stay out of your way, you and your family won’t even notice I’m here. And I’ll tell you all about hell, Lucifer’s plans for Sabrina, for Greendale and the world. Everything. Anything you want.

She left the final words hanging, a new tactic for her plan forming on her mind.

Zelda stared, now her face an unreadable mask.

Lilith tried again, she would trade anything for a night out of hell.

-Do you want me to beg? Is that it? I am asking you nicely…

Lilith gave a bold step towards Zelda and felt very dizzy, one of her demonic pregnancy symptoms coming up.

-Oh, not now.- A hand flew to her temple and she tried to control her balance, instead crashing towards the floor. And she would have fallen, had it not been for Zelda’s hands reacting quickly and grabbing her by the shoulders before she connected with the floor.

-Will you tell me now what is going on? I don’t believe for a second you just run out of hell to give me intel at 3 am. Your hair is a mess, you are not wearing any shoes and you are shivering under that semblance of a coat that’s too big for you and in that nighty.

Lilith tried to laugh from her spot in Zelda’s arms but it came out as a grimace of pain. Of course the ginger wouldn’t believe her story, she was too smart for that.

-It is a long story.

-We have all night ahead.

-Does that mean I can stay?

-We’ll see, Lilith. For now let’s just go into the living room before you freeze out here.

Lilith gave a small nod, she was freezing, and tried to stand up holding onto Zelda for support. After a few minutes the witch, tired of watching her pitiful attempts, pulled her into the house and closed the door behind them.

**Now**

The house is warm and for the first time in weeks Lilith doesn’t feel like dying, she really hopes she’ll be able to stay. It is like slowly waking up from a really bad dream, all her thoughts are cloudy and for a moment she wonders how she got there.

-Speak, now.- The ginger witch commands.

-Couch?

The brunette strains to ask, feeling pain cursing through her body, one of the worse symptoms she has. Usually when they came it was late at night and she simply laid still on her bed in hell trying not to cry too much. When she was with Lucifer she had to manage to make no sound and pretend nothing happened, he didn’t like seeing that side of her. 

Zelda looks at her with a look she can’t identify. Is that pity? Or worry? Fear? No, she must be seeing things, lately the witch doesn’t look at her with anything but disdain or just ignored her.

The ginger, seemingly she has decided Lilith is in no shape to be a threat, carries her bridal style towards one of the large couches. She drops her and the other woman bites a grown. The movement hurt, but she doesn’t want to show more weakness than she already has.

Slowly the pain begins to decrease and Lilith manages to get on a sitting position, huddling herself in her light coat. It is not freezing, but it is still a bit cold. Zelda looks at her from the other side of the coach and with a spell lights up the fire.

Lilith says thank you with her blue eyes and a curt nod, afraid that anything she might say will get her kicked out and back to hell. She now knows she won’t be able to make the trip back, she’s too exhausted to even think of moving. The couch is feeling so very comfortable and she just wants to close her eyes and take a nap right there.

She does so for a few moments, until a sharp cough and the smell of a cigarette bring her back. She takes a deep breath and looks down before speaking up.

-I fucked up.

Zelda laughs and lets out a trail of smoke.

-Well no shit, I figured that much out.

Lilith keeps staring at the fire until she speaks up again.

-It’s disguise. The coat being too big. No one would associate it with me.

She tries to talk of simplest aspects and Zelda seems to take the bait.

-Well I certainly wouldn’t think you would own such a piece of clothing.

-I didn’t. It was from Adam…

Before she finishes speaking she knows she has fucked up. Zelda doesn’t know about Mary Wardwell’s fiancé whom the dark lord killed and fed to her so she would know she would never be free from him. And she really doesn’t want to talk about it.

-Who?

-Nothing.

-You promised to answer anything.- Zelda reminds her, gently compared to her previous rude tones yet not as gently as a friend. She remembers Mary had said “For Adam”. It obviously was the same Adam and the witch wants answers.

Lilith sighs and hugs herself tighter. Better to get it over with.

-Smart witch. I did, didn’t I? He was Mary Wardwell’s fiancé. He’s dead now, by the Dark Lord’s hand. Next question.

Zelda stares at her, face unreadable, and shakes her head. A thousand questions cross her mind.

-No, wait what? She had a fiancé? More like, you knew that human fiancé? What happened to him? Surely you had a hand on his demise.

-Must you ask so many questions about that? I thought you’d like to know about hell or your niece.

Lilith feels tears prickling behind her eyes and forces herself to breath to keep them down. Damn her emotions exploding up.

-You woke me up, I am no longer tired and right now I want to ask about that.- Zelda says, knowing she has found a rough spot for the brunette. Call it being cruel, Lilith would have to earn her place in the Spellman house. Specially after she brought back Mary and the damn woman ended up shooting her, not that Lilith needs to know that. And the ginger witch is not in a benevolent mode after being rudely woken up. Also she feels a weird tingle when she thinks of Lilith and that man. She attributes it to the lack of sleep and finally understanding some motivation behind the woman who shot her.

-She had a fiancé. Adam Masters. He came back on valentine’s days. I got on with him. He was nice. He told me to go to with him to Tibet. Stolas told the Dark Lord. Once he found out he killed Adam. He posed as him on a dinner, only to reveal mid-course he was Lucifer and the steak was Adam. He made me eat him. It hurt. I killed Stolas. Anything else you want to know?

Lilith answers mechanically, staring into nothingness. A single tear drops from one of her eyes and she swiftly dries it before it can fall too far.

Zelda stares at her shocked.

-What?- She whispers, ashes fall from her cigarette onto her clothes but doesn’t notice.

-He died because I cared about him. –With that Lilith frowns, she had never told anyone about Adam and it feels a bit good to mention her pain out loud. Not that she is willing to repeat it anytime soon.

-Is that why you said you fucked up?

-No, that was earlier. Before He was even on human form.- She doesn’t need to add who “He” is.

-I don’t know what to say.

-Then don’t say anything. Have I satisfied your curiosity? Can I stay now?

Lilith hates how hopeful her voice sounds. And her ice blue eyes shine with even more hope when Zelda nods.

-Just for tonight, but I am not done with the interrogatory. You’ll answer some more in the morning.

Lilith can barely keep the tired smile from her face. In the morning, that means Zelda isn’t expecting her to be out then. She has a place to stay.

-I will.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure if I'd continue this, but after the comments I got I decided to give it a go. So here it is, enjoy!

**Then**

  
Days in hell were meant to be torture for the souls trapped there, and for many centuries Lilith had enjoyed it. The last weeks however made her wonder if she hadn’t somehow died and taken one of those souls place.

She laid down on her infernal bathroom floor, feeling the last wave of nausea pass until she was able to catch her breath. It was a non-stop pattern. Wake up, throw up, attempt to eat something that would not stay down, go to the infernal court to then be mocked by said court, then back to her chambers and if she was lucky her migraines wouldn’t be too severe.

Her good days now meant not having to see Lucifer much, for his torture and humiliation were the worse of them all. He had been clear on how this was only an extent of her execution and wasted no opportunity to remind her of it. He liked to have her by his side, making her skin crawl every time he touched her. He treated her as a pet, for revenge on how she had hold him when he was inside the warlock’s acheron configuration prison. She hated it and tried to avoid them all, all the time.

His touch repulsed her. Yet she had to pretend to be his loyal servant in front of everyone. It was a bad act and everybody knew it. That’s why they enjoyed mocking her. They didn’t respect her as queen and hated her as concubine.

This would be one of the bad days. She hadn’t finished picking herself up when a knock and then the opening of her bedroom door interrupted her to say that Lucifer demanded her presence on the council room, immediately. She was barely able to compose her face when the maids ushered her out, the guards taking her out of her room and straight into the council. All her protests for a decent dress fell on deaf ears. That’s when she knew Lucifer had ordered it. She took deep breaths and held her head high, knowing the second she stepped into that room her torture would begin.

The night dress she had worn the night before was a deep red that matched the lace her black robe had as decoration. Pretty, but it did not offer protection from the cold temperature. She tied her robe tightly on her front, covering herself as much as possible and holding her hands in a controlled poise at the height of her solar plexus. She would not show fear. She would try not to show fear.

The doors opened.

-There you are! I’ve been expecting you, we all have. We couldn’t start without the mother of demons now, could we?

He smiled and the present demons snickered and hid laughs very badly. He was lying, obviously, for the look of the table they had never gone to sleep and instead being up all night there. Which made her fear and wonder, what the hell did they need her for?

-Yes, my lord.

She said in a controlled voice, feeling ice on her back as she walks towards him and all the demons devoured her with their eyes. She imagined killing them all, their corpses destroyed at her feet, and the thought gave her strength to continue.

She stopped in front of him. There was no chair, usually there was a small chair next to his own where she was forced to remain for the long sessions, standing the looks and the whispers.

-May I ask why did you summon me to the infernal court? I see you all are…

-You may not. –Replied Lucifer, the smirk never leaving his face

Lilith had to bite her tongue to prevent herself from lashing out. Fear faded and gave space to anger. She was so angry. For being trapped there, for all the things she lost, all the humiliation she had to endure, for the parasite that grew inside her and the bastard of and archangel that sat in from of her. But in that moment all of her anger focused on him dragging her out of her room for apparently nothing. She was cold and still on her night clothes in front of the infernal court. And she wanted to kill someone, all of them.

Lucifer noticed and still smirking said.

-Careful there Lilith, we wouldn’t want to slip now, would we?

Lilith denied shaking her head, for she knew if she spoke all of her anger would come out.

-Aw! It seems cat’s got your tongue! –He looked at the rest of the court. –I’m sure we can all see the irony here?

Lilith trembled in anger, biting hard on her lip to keep the words that would give her punishment down

-Although I’m not sure that would apply, I mean you are like a cat yourself. Always falling on your legs. Oops, I meant opening.

The court gave a good laugh at this. It didn’t matter it was not funny. All that mattered was hurting her. And he was getting it.

-Did you summon me here to mock me?!

She exclaimed, unable to keep quiet anymore. The room fell silent and she gulped, trying with all her being to not step back.  
Lucifer had a dangerous look on his face. She knew she was screwed. He laid his palms on his lap, holding them together in a fist and talked to her the way one talks to a pet after they’ve destroyed something dear.

-And you were doing so well.

With his magic he pulled her towards him, not bothering to stand up. With their height difference and her not wearing heels they were at the same face level. He struck her down, hard and she fell to the floor holding her quickly reddening cheek.

-Don’t forget why you are here.

He said and placed his foot on top of her shoulder and pressed, keeping her down.

Lilith squirmed and tried to get out, despite knowing it was futile. It wasn’t the first time he trapped her like that. He addressed the infernal court.

-That was a good break wasn’t it? Now, where were we? I believe you said something about my daughter and the souls she’s bringing to hell.

The other demons began talking and Lilith felt one of the migraines imploding behind her eyes.  
It was a bad day indeed.

  
**Now**

  
The sun is up and Lilith opens her eyes. She can’t sleep anymore, having waking up from a nightmare, remembering hell. Those won’t leave her alone, no matter where she is. Yet the change of scenery when she looks around is nice to her eyes. At least there won’t be beatings that day, she muses, probably.

She is still only on her coat but it is now around her, like a blanket, and it is not that cold. Still she feels her throat dry and coughs a bit, her stomach churns and she knows what is about to happen before it does.

She barely gets to the fireplace when the nausea takes over her and is sick all over the remains of wood and ashes. Better the wood than the sofa, she thinks, while another wave hits her and she throws up again.

When she is done she remains a couple of minutes laying on the floor, trying to catch her breath. It gets worse each day.

-Just perfect to start the day

She says sarcastically before crawling back to the sofa and laying down, wrapping herself in the big coat. She won’t sleep but at least she can rest a bit before facing the world.

Her hopes shatter when she hears footsteps coming her way. She closes her eyes, maybe she can pretend to be sleep for a little while…

-Woah, what’s that smell?

She opens her eyes, recognizing the voice instantly and feels fear creeping down her back. Shouldn’t Sabrina be at hell? What is she doing here? Will she tell Lucifer if she sees her? Lilith prefers not to find out and instead presses herself flat on the coach, hiding in the coat, trying to make herself invisible.

Fortunately Sabrina doesn’t enter the living room, instead going towards the kitchen to get some quick breakfast and leaving with excuses to see her mortal friends.

Lilith holds still the whole exchange, only allowing herself to breathe when the teen is gone. What was that about? Still unable to move she remains laying down.

She is lost on her thoughts and doesn’t hear the other witch come in.

-What did you do to my fireplace? I let you stay one night and you ruin it?

Zelda is staring at her, now clothed for the day and with an annoyed expression on her face.

-That was not my fault.- Lilith replies quickly, putting a mask on her face and crossing her arms over her middle.

-Then what was it? Magic demon invades in the middle of the night? Oh wait, that would be you.

All signs of kindness seem to have vanished come morning and once more Lilith knows she has to thread carefully.

-I didn’t do it on purpose. I was sick. I figured you would want that on your lovely couch or roofs and the fireplace was the closest option.

Zelda seems uncomfortable now.

-Oh.- She stops to take a hit from her cigarette.- Well the whole family is gone now, you can come have some breakfast if you want. You’re quite the late sleeper.

Lilith moves to stand up and sways lightly, having to rest on the couch’s back for balance at first but still managing to walk alone to the table. Her pride is pretty much dead by now, but she can still fight for what little she has left.

-Are you ill?- Zelda asks placing a cup of tea in front of her.-Because I swear if you brought some sort of demonic infection that endangers my family I will…

-It’s not that! It is a demonic parasite, but not contagious, you and your perfect little family can rest at ease. - Lilith says, and she can’t keep the bite from her words. Instead grabs the cup of tea to take a small sip instead of having to talk. It is warm but not too hot, perfect for her upset stomach.

Zelda rises an eyebrow but says nothing, instead passing some cold scrambled eggs that Hilda had made before leaving.

-So I get the family remains now? - She asks, feeling her stomach turn at the sight of food.

-Well if you don’t want it…

-No, it’s fine. Thank you.

Lilith grabs a fork and plays with the food in front of her, not really eating but taking small sips from the tea from time to time.

Zelda sits in front of her, taking puffs of her cigarette, and Lilith finally takes a good look at the woman. Ginger curls perfectly made, flawless makeup and her classy dress with jewelry strategically placed. She looks so composed. The demoness refuses to think of how she herself looks. Wild hair everywhere in a coat that isn’t even hers, barefoot, face pale after throwing up and fighting nightmares. She knows she is a mess and suddenly feels very self-conscious.

She remembers the time when they both rivaled in looks and elegancy. Two powerful witches taking the night, fighting each other as equals, finding some sort of truce, until it all had gone to shite. Still, good times, and she misses them.

She reaches the end of her tea and frowns, she was really enjoying it.

-Why didn’t you magic it away?

Zelda says, breaking her thoughts and Lilith raises her head, confused.

-What?

-The whole being sick thing, why didn’t you disappear it?

Now Lilith flushes a soft red. She should have and she knows it. Truth is she was so tired she only wanted to rest a bit more, not truly thinking anyone would be up so soon. It’s a stupid mistake and she knows it.

-I’m sorry, I’ll do it now.

-That’s not an answer. –Zelda speaks softly now, a bit like the night before. –You said answers to all of my questions.

Lilith stares at her for a few seconds before deciding to answer.

-You ask very weird things. But alright. I forgot, was a bit too tired and didn’t think any of you’d be up so soon. Figured I could do it later.

-Bold of you to assume you’ll still be here later.

Lilith feels her hear beat faster and an unsettling dread sets in her stomach. She lowers her head, the day has barely started and she already has to find another place to stay. Going back to hell is still not an option, she doesn’t want to go. Not yet. It’s too soon. She feels tears prickling at the corner of her eyes. Damn that pregnancy making her all emotional!

Still maybe staying is not the smartest choice, not now that she knows Sabrina spends time here as well. She wonders if Zelda knows her niece is now the official queen of hell and had embraced that dark side of her. For the conversation she heard in the morning it doesn’t seem like it.

-It was a joke. You used to be able to take those.- Zelda says, resting on her elbows and taking a deep breath from her cigarette, she blows the smoke on her direction and Lilith has to hold a cough from her still dry throat.

-I used to do a great lot of things if I recall correctly. - Lilith replies. - Until someone decided that I was no good use and threw me away.

She stares at the cold eggs now, not wanting to face Zelda anymore. She can say what she want if she’ll be thrown out anyways, right?  
Zelda stays quiet a couple of minutes, just watching, studying her until it is unnerving. Lilith can feel the questions, the curiosity and the pity in her eyes. It is that last thing she and her broken pride cannot stand. So she decides to speak up.

-You’re thinking too loud. If you want me out just say it. You gave me one night, which I asked, so thank you. I don’t want to be your charity case anymore so I’ll just see myself out.

She moves to stand and instead finds herself out of balance, a sudden migraine and a wave of dizziness hitting her.

-Fuck! - She mutters holding onto the table for dear life.

Firm arms guide her back to the chair and she feels something cold pressed against her forehead, which actually diminishes the pain enough for her to say.

-Fuck off I didn’t ask for your help.

Zelda gives a raspy laugh. –Oh you didn’t ask, you begged for it on my doorstep, then nearly fainted and I had to carry you in. Now close your eyes and stop moving, you’re going to make it worse.

Lilith does shut up then, not because Zelda told her so, but because her migraine is diminishing and she doesn’t want it returning.

-You will have to answer me eventually. You know that, right? – She says softly. Zelda assures herself she is most certainly not worried, or concerned for the demoness, who betrayed her and her family. But it is unsettling to see her so undone, so defeated and broken. It doesn’t feel right. Zelda finds herself missing their conversations, their fights, their alliances. They did make a good team, even if she now refuses to admit it.

-What the fuck happened to you, Lilith? – She thinks out loud, then pushes her lips into a thin line. That was not the question she meant to ask.

-Why? Worried I’m going to pass whatever I have onto you? – Lilith sighs, still not opening her eyes. –I already told you, it is not contagious.

-The what is it? –Zelda presses on. – Because the demoness I know does not go fainting around acquaintances houses, begging to spend the night and…

-So are we acquaintances now? –Lilith interrupts.

-Do not try to change the subject! What in the nine circles of hell happened to you?

-Hell happened.

She answers plainly, no bite in her tone, all the fight gone. She is tired, just so tired, and maybe it was just a bad idea to come. Maybe she should have left the moment she woke up, then she wouldn’t have to stand this interrogatory.

-Yes, I know you moved to hell and got back together with Lucifer…

-Not together! –Lilith exclaims now opening her eyes, a cold shudder passing her body. –That bastard and I are most certainly not together.

-Then what is going on? Because we have been getting whispers of a new queen of hell and an heir, yet none makes sense because my niece is here now and…

-I guess Sabrina didn’t yell you then? –Lilith breaths out, finally feeling she somehow has the upper hand on the knowledge she holds. At least some ground she knows how to thread in, information. –Your niece is the official Queen of hell. There was a ceremony and all. I do wonder, what is she doing here?

Zelda stares at her with her mouth open, her cigarette now ashes on its holder. When she reacts she stands up violently and slams her hands on the table.

-Lies, you’re telling more lies! That’s all you know how to do! From the moment you stepped a foot in this house! Sabrina can’t be queen she’s living here and she is most certainly not pregnant!

Then the more Zelda stares at Lilith the more it makes sense and things click into place. The fainting, the morning sickness and the whole demonic parasite that is not contagious. She leans onto the table as she feels her resolve slip.

-You… you… -She stammers out.

Lilith can’t face her when she answers.

-I’m pregnant.

Zelda stares, almost as if she doesn’t fully understand what she’s hearing, and Lilith takes a deep breath before landing the blow that will probably get her kicked out, alone and lost again.

-And it’s His. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter, enjoy!

**Then**

On her first day in hell after Sabrina’s official coronation, alone with the two monarchs, Lilith had dared to think that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

As it turned out, it was worse.

She was summoned early to the infernal court, asked to make preparations for what would be Sabrina’s first official queen session. The day went through, it was a boring and humiliating task but it was easy. She left everything ready and retired to her chambers. She was barely out of the court room when a wave of nausea hit her horribly and she was forced to hide in one of the bathrooms until it had passed.

She walked out shakily, wanting to return to bed, hoping she wouldn’t be needed for more. Sabrina had maids capable enough to take care of her, after all it was what they were there for. Instead Lucifer found her when she was nearing her quarters. He stood tall against her, blocking her path with a sick smile.

-How is my son doing?

-He is fine. –She answered, trying to walk past him.

He looked at her with a dangerous glow in his eyes and Lilith added.

-My lord.

He seemed satisfied enough, crossing his arms he studied her and she couldn’t help but feel tiny in his gaze. It didn’t help that the form she had chosen to keep was not very tall, even with her high heels she barely reached his chin.

-Where exactly do you think you’re going?

-My…

-It doesn’t matter, you’re coming with me now. We need to make an examination, Sabrina will handle court today.

He grabbed Lilith roughly by the arm and started walking towards the other end of the hall, getting her away from her room and the desired rest.

-So how has it been?

Lilith was lost on her thoughts and missed the question, which earned her a hard squeeze on her arm. She hissed in pain and turned her head towards him.

-What?

He smiled cruelly, clearly enjoying causing her any type of discomfort.

-Going back to where you belong. I’m sure you feel relieved of no longer carrying the crown. It was too heavy for you.

Lilith bit hard on her lips to prevent from lashing out. He always provoked her and she knew she couldn’t fall into his game. Not again.

-At least you get to be a mother now, with the whole process and not that creating monsters routine you have. What was the last one you made? Did you name it after your dead boyfriend’s name? Or perhaps was it fantasizing about a certain ginger…

-Shut up!

She exclaimed without thinking and forgetting protocol, he had stepped on a nerve. She had had a small thing for a certain ginger witch. But it was there no more. Or so she tried to tell herself as she remembered how she had been thrown out and how that led her to her current predicament.

The devil smirked and kept going. –I mean, they did try to pray to your name and boy did that go wrong! Almost killed by pagans, powers fleeting, you really made a number. You even set a record for time in losing the crown in hell.

Lilith felt her cheeks red with humiliation. Don’t do it, it’s useless, she told herself. But she still threw a spell at the devil, trying to hurl him against the wall. He staggered and let her go but didn’t fall hard enough. The devil braced himself and stood tall. In two steps he was back at her side and painfully grabbing her arm. Lilith gulped and stared in fear, trying to keep her hands from shaking.

-That’ll cost you.

He said and remained silent for the rest of the walk. Somehow that was worse for her than all the tantalizing jabs he had thrown her way. They got to a locked door and he opened it to a dark room. He threw her inside and she barely managed to protect her face while falling to the floor.

A demon came around and held her down while, turning her on her back and another began lifting her dress.

Lilith felt herself panicking. She knew Lucifer was watching, but she would not beg. She told herself she would not beg. She had to keep what little pride she could. She felt cold hand touching her stomach and heard cruel, cold laughs around her. The hard stone floor diggin painfully in her back

-Everything appears to be fine.

A voice said near her ear, she didn’t recognize exactly who it belonged to, but she knew it from the demonic court. She should have expected it. To them she was nothing more than a concubine who carried their lord’s child. A thing, the way one sees a bag to carry books.

-Good, then proceed. –The devil said.

She felt her heart wrenching. And to think she had been queen. She bit into her lips when she felt them hitting her to mute screams. They loved kicking her face and punching her arms and legs, yet they carefully avoided her stomach. After what felt like an eternity it stopped. They had thrown her into the dungeon and left.

The demoness sat up slowly and hugged her knees, feeling the beginning of a migraine blow up behind her eyes. It had been happening for the past few days and each day was worse than the previous one. She blinked back tears, knowing that wouldn’t help.

In her loneliness her thoughts flew to a certain ginger witch. Knowing only darkness was her witness she allowed herself to imagine, not losing the throne, or receiving asylum from Zelda. Imagining only hurt her more.

Still, she pictured herself safe for a moment, with a coven, or simply people who didn’t hate her. Was that too much to ask? Apparently, yes. She felt a sharp pain in her chest and realized it was her heart. It ached for what she couldn’t have.

That night she couldn’t sleep. Between the pain in her soul, the hard floor and fighting the nausea that violently hit her she was kept awake. 

He came back a day later. He seemed more relaxed now, and spoke to her as if this was no more than teaching a misbehaving pet a lesson.

-Do not think for a minute that this months will be good to you. You lost everything when you helped the Spellman’s trap me and took the title of queen of hell. You signed your death sentence when you grasped that crown. It was not meant for you and it will never be. Remember your place, Lilith. Remember while my son grows inside of you that each day that passes is a day closer to your death. Remember what everyone says: poor little Lilith isn’t meant to rule, she’s meant to serve and soon she’s meant to die.

With those mocking words he told some demons to drag her up and take to her room.

-I expect you to join us for dinner. Sabrina wants to see you. And do clean yourself up, you look awful.

He said and left the room.

The guards roughly grabbed her arms and forced her to stand. Once she had her balance Lilith shrugged the demons off of her.

-Let go, I can walk by myself.

And she marched out of the dungeon composing a mask upon her face, head high, shoulders leaned back in an almost perfect posture, keeping her pain hidden. She kept this façade until she got to her room and only then, when she was alone, she allowed herself to break down. Letting the migraine and nausea take over. She also had new bruises to cover, but she’d worry about those later. There still were a couple of hours until dinner.

**Now**

Zelda stares with her mouth open. Time seems frozen until Lilith raises her head, the migraine having diminished enough, her hair still framing her angled face.

-Do close your mouth dear, a fly will get in.

Zelda finally reacts, and it is unexpected. She gets angry, first wanting to attack Lilith with words and then it is just honest plain confusion.

-You are having Lucifer’s child? What the heaven possessed you to do that?! I mean. What? Just, what? How? Don’t you hate him? You told us you hated him.

Lilith sneers and hugs herself, feeling more alone than ever. It isn’t her fault she is in this predicament, she was basically forced into it and she doesn’t like what Zelda is implying.

-I was motivated by my very strong desire to not die. You do recall me coming to you first? When you refused I went to Mary but Lucifer got through and I did what I had to do to survive.

Zelda stares horrified and Lilith continues.

-It isn’t the first time I’ve had to take extreme measures. But I would have preferred to do without it, yes. This thing is killing me from the inside.

Zelda stares a bit more, unsure of what to say in that situation. An apology does not cover enough.

-I’m sorry. I honestly had no idea that would happen.

Lilith wants to be angry, she knows she should be angry, but she feels too tired to lash out. What’s done is done.

-What did you think would happen? When you kicked me out to the streets like a rabid dog. That I’d magically scape and survive? That everything would be alright? That might be true for your family, you always land of your feet, but it has never applied to me. I always fall on my knees, crawling and begging to survive. I guess that’s just the way it is.

Zelda however, is following another line of thought.

-Wait, did you do this while Lucifer was still inside Blackwood?

Lilith’s silence is an answer in its own.

-What did you give him for him to do that with you?

Lilith remains silence and Zelda rises her voice, feeling anxiety and panic setting in.

-What the fuck did you give him?!

Lilith answers with a cold, small voice.

-I gave him the mark of Cain and he gave me Lucifer’s seed.

Now Zelda sees red, with shaky hands she takes the cold compress that was on Lilith’s forehead and throws it to the floor, standing in front of the brunette she takes her by the shoulders and begins to shake her violently.

-You gave that bastard? …he walks free… you… you… after what he did to the coven… after what he did to me. –Zelda stammers out between panic and anger.

Lilith grimaces as she feels her back digging painfully into the wood chair. She tries to defend herself but no words leave her mouth. In the moment she hadn’t thought of consequences for other people, only that she needed to live. A tear slips from her eyes, she knows what happened on Zelda’s marriage.

-I didn’t want to die

She manages to say softly. And it sounds so weak in her lips she herself might not even believe it.

-I had no choice, Zelda, no choice.

She feels tears on her cheeks now and she realizes she is crying. She doesn’t know exactly when she started, but she can’t stop. Her body had bottled up so many emotions this past weeks and it is begging for release.

Zelda’s face is now a cold mask, all sympathy she felt for the brunette bottled up in a corner of her mind.

-And after all you did, you have the nerve of coming here?

She releases her shoulders, but she is far from finishing talking.

-You dare to ask for my help, almost fainting on my doorstep, being sick… is any of it real? Or is it all just a part of your manipulations? The sob story you told me last night, about Adam, is that even true? If it is, it probably even was your fault he died. Your fault and your betrayals.

Lilith feels her insides shattering in a million pieces. She isn’t guilty of what happened, is she? She was forced to it. She didn’t provoke Adam’s dead. But the more she thinks about it the more Zelda’s words dig deeper in her brain. Maybe it is her fault. Everything she touches gets rotten and dies.

More tears fall from her eyes and she can’t control them.

-I was right not taking you in, you are a wild card, and you endanger yourself and all those around you.

Zelda feels a punch to her insides the more she speaks and she knows it is wrong the second after she has said it. Lilith wouldn’t even have had to resort to that had she decided to give her asylum. But her hurt for learning Faustus Blackwood is free by her hand takes the better of her. She speaks with poison and resentment, aiming to hurt.

Lilith covers her face with her hands, trying to hide the tears. She doesn’t want Zelda to see her so vulnerable, at her lowest. She doesn’t know still if she can blame the pregnancy for the new set of tears that stream down her face. She’s drowning in them.

-I…I… didn’t lie to you

-No, only when I met you and when said you were Mary Wardwell and when you said you would protect the coven and…

-I tried! I tried so hard to be the Queen I knew I was meant to be. –She feels the need to defend herself, she has been quiet for so long.

-But it didn’t work out, did it? No, because poor little Lilith isn’t meant to rule, she’s meant to serve.

The moment she says if Zelda knows she has stepped over a line.

Lilith face goes slack, tears mechanically running down her pale face. She remembers hearing those same words not so long ago. They dig deeply into her brain and they hurt, because deep inside it’s all life has ever shown her.

-It’s true. –She says, her voice void of emotion.

-I didn’t mean…

-Everybody in hell knows it, why shouldn’t they know it here too? I’m just a whore after all, a piece of rotten meat for everyone to pass and kick. But be careful! If you get too close and touch too much you might get rotten as well!

Lilith gives a shaky, metallic laugh.

-So just kick the bitch far away until she falls under the care of someone who can tame her, someone who…

Zelda’s palm connects with Lilith’s cheek then, leaving a red mark on her face.

-Snap out of it. Nobody likes self-pity. –She says coldly, yet her hand shakes.

The brunette stares at her with wide blue eyes. She wants to fight, she wants to cry, she wants to be hugged and have someone on her side. But she knows she has to be realistic.

They stare at each other in silence. Neither knows what to say.

-You’ll stay. I have decided on it. It’s not good in your condition that you go back to hell, especially not if you’re…

Carrying his offspring. Zelda doesn’t finish the sentence but they both know what she means. Still, it’s Zelda’s way of saying sorry, for saying that, for abandoning you, for everything.

And in that moment Lilith feels grateful, and she hates that it doesn’t matter to her whether her staying in the Spellman’s care is political now or an actual truce, an offer of asylum.

-He’ll be mad. –She says instead, unsure of if she even has the option of refusing.

-We’ll figure it out. –Zelda replies, with a confidence she isn’t entirely sure she has.

The brunette nods softly and leans back on the chair. All she can think then is _I’m not going back to hell._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's another chapter!   
> BTW I've made an instagram account where I'll post updates of fanfics and fandom related stuff in case you want to follow. It's liliths_writer. <3  
> Enjoy the reading!

**Chapter 4- The dinner**

**Then**

The brunette stood outside the dining hall doors. She knew she was expected but she couldn’t go in quite yet. She took a deep breath, settled her best mask upon her face and entered with her head high. Her footsteps resounded loudly on the cold stone floor, her high heels tapping along with the beat of her heart. Her dress fluttered around her legs as she walked, it was a burgundy creation with a skeleton corset around the waist. It wasn’t much, but it helped her feel as if she had a sort of shield of protection.

-Well look who has decided to join us!

Lucifer exclaimed from the head of the table, at his right side was Sabrina, in another golden dress and with an annoyed expression on her face. That girl had changed so much since she had first known her it sometimes was hard to recognize her.

-Do sit down, Lilith.

He said and moved a small chair to his left side with magic. It was definitely less ostentatious than the ones the monarchs occupied and even seemed a bit uncomfortable, but it would have to do.

Without saying a word the demoness sat down, carefully avoiding their gazes as she grabbed a plate.

The food was on display in front of them in the form of a buffet, Sabrina already had her plate full and so did Lucifer. Both of them had cups of wine to wash it down, she would have killed for a sip of wine. In her place instead there was a single glass of water near the empty plate. She couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at it, finally looking at Lucifer in a silent question.

-My son will not be near any toxicity before time.

He replied and she mentally punished herself, of course it was about his son. Everything was about her pregnancy on those days. She sighed and gave a curt nod, she was thirsty either way, even if it only was water. She extended a hand to grab the glass and no longer found it there. Lucifer now had it on his hand, and was looking at her with a devilish expression that couldn’t mean anything good.

-Of course if you deem yourself to be too much to drink this hellish water, you won’t have to.

-What…?

She hadn’t finished her question as he turned the glass upside down at her side, spilling its content to the floor and splashing her dress in the process. She glared at him and was about to protest when Sabrina spoke up.

-So Lilith, mother of demons and future mother to my brother, how have you been?

It was a simple question, yet it stirred so many unwanted feelings on her inside. Trying to suppress her emotions she turned to Sabrina and faked a smile on her face that did not reach her eyes.

-I’m fine.

Lucifer rolled his eyes.

-She is, don’t you see how proud of herself she is that the water is unworthy of her?

Sabrina took a small bite of her plate before answering.

-I was just concerned, for health reasons, you see? I did read somewhere that Lilith was cursed with a barren womb…

-I’m fine, Sabrina, don’t dwell in it.

The demoness replied quickly, the last thing she wanted was for things to escalate more. She only wanted to have dinner and retire. And that piece of meat smelled delicious. Only a small part of it was left as the two monarchs had clearly dug in, but it would be enough. She was starving, and she knew she’d have to fill up on fruit.

But Lucifer was not done yet.

-Yes, she is so fine that I believe she’ll find this food unworthy of her as well.

Lilith’s head turned to him so fast she could have sworn she heard her neck cracking.

-The food seems quite well.

She extended a hand and tried to grab the meat only to have her hand swatted away by the devil.

-My lord? –She looked at him with wide blue eyes.

-No, I don’t think it does.

With a quick gesture he took the plate away and called his servants, ignoring the demoness looks.

-This rests go to the hellhounds and slaves.

At this Sabrina jumped in.

-Father I don’t think…

-Silence daughter, I’m teaching how to run a kingdom here. Lesson number one, traitors are not friends and you mustn’t be concerned about their well-being. Lilith has her days numbered, she knows it and you should know it too.

Any hope the brunette could have had vanished when Sabrina’s eyes darkened and she gave a curt nod, raising her cup of wine and taking a long sip until she emptied it. She placed it on the table with an elegance not proper of the usually rushed teen and gave them a cold stare. In the youngling’s eyes Lilith recognized herself from many centuries ago, when she had been blinded by the devil and desperate for power.

-I understand, father.

Lucifer smiled, proud of his daughter and raised his own cup, finishing it as well. The demoness wanted nothing more than to retire to her quarters and she resolved she would have to sneak into the kitchen later to find something to eat.

-Don’t even think about disobeying me, Lilith, hell is my domain and you know everyone will do what I say to please me.

He whispered in her ear. Then he settled in his seat and finished his food, enjoying every bite of it.

Her stomach grumbled and it that moment she was glad she had nothing in it, for she would have been unable to fight the nausea that was coming up if she had.

**Now**

They stay like that for a couple of minutes. Unsure of what to do next until Lilith, unable to deal with silence anymore, dares to ask.

-What now?

Zelda frowns, she hasn’t thought it through. To be honest she woke up thinking of throwing the demoness out, and now she feels a weird pang in her chest when she thinks about it. Finally she says.

-Well you can’t stay all day in the living room, someone could see you.

Surprise shows in Lilith’s blue eyes. Almost as if she still isn’t able to believe what is happening. Like it is a dream from which she’ll wake up soon.

-So you’ll hide me? –She isn’t annoyed by it, just curious. She rather prefers her presence to be unknown. Especially since she isn’t sure where she stands with the Sabrina business.

-Only until I figure out what to tell the others. You’ll stay with me. There’s enough space from where Hilda’s bed used to be.

And so Zelda helps Lilith up the stairs to settle in her own bedroom. She can’t help but notice how massively underweight the other woman looks. Even with the soft bump that’s beginning to form on her stomach. It isn’t visible until she grabs her waist and she feels the extra flesh. It looks more as if she had eaten too much at lunch than a pregnancy bump. Being an experienced midwife her instincts kick in and she worries. Then she shakes her head, remembering who she is dealing with. She’s offering asylum. They are not friends. Or so she tells herself.

At some points the Lilith sways and Zelda ends up half carrying her upstairs. Still very proudly the demoness tries to hold her own as soon as they’re up, swatting Zelda’s hands away and using the walls for balance. The fact that she is not wearing heels helps her, even if she despises being shorter than the ginger witch.

She almost collapses on top of the bed as soon as they arrive and closes her eyes, glad to be laying down. She forgoes manners and sighs contently. It feels so good compared to the sofa and her back hurts so much. She wants to relax, even if it is only for a second.

Zelda clears her throat. Lilith opens her eyes and sits sharply, grimacing by the dizziness the sudden movement causes.

-Of course. It’s your bed. I’ll manage just right on the floor with a few blankets and a pillow…

She begins to say only to be cut by Zelda.

-I was going to magic another bed in here, we still have some extras from when the church of…, well the period of time in which the children stayed here.

She doesn’t want to say from that time when you were Queen. It feels wrong and somehow Lilith’s assumption that she’d get the floor only increases that wronging even more, and the pang on her chest is back.

-Oh. –Lilith blinks, unsure of whether it’s a trap. –You don’t have to. You’re already going through enough as it is letting me stay.

Zelda closes the door and walks towards Lilith until she is in front of her.

-You’re exhausted and almost fainted three times on those stairs. Also don’t think I didn’t notice your rather lack of eating at breakfast.

Zelda doesn’t mention the pregnancy part, she has a feeling Lilith would hate to be considered less capable due to it.

-You mean when I was rudely interrupted by our fight? I would have eaten. But I’m sure you understand why I wasn’t hungry after. –Lilith lies quickly. The last thing she needs is Zelda Spellman nagging her about her eating habits.

\- If this is only because I have this thing inside me, I should let you know I’m still the very same demoness you love to hate. I don’t need your pity. –She adds to deviate the subject, knowing that will make Zelda feel uncomfortable.

The ginger witch rolls her eyes. And there she is, the woman she loved to fight with.

-You’re under the Spellman’s care now and that includes not starving to death. –A fight is a dynamic Zelda gets and she misses the continuous banter they had.

-Your sister’s softness has rubbed on you. –Lilith’s voice has an edge to it. As if she wants to taunt her yet is afraid of doing so.

-Has not. Now you are going to stand up off my bed and take a shower because you reek of hell and despair and you will not be staying like that in here. Meanwhile I’ll get the other bed and some clothes for you. And you should now that the original deal of you answering my questions isn’t over. Now go.

Zelda uses her directrix voice, it goes perfect for her fights, and it seems Lilith wants to argue some more but she instead gives a simple nod and stands up to walk to the annexed bathroom. Zelda is surprised. She had expected more fight from the brunette. Yet she simply stood up and did exactly as she was told.

-You are not telling me everything… -Zelda muses to herself and walks away as she hears water running.

On the bathroom Lilith isn’t sure of what happened. When she had answered back it had felt good. And then she had become scared of overstepping the line. What if Zelda changes her mind? She thinks as she stares in the mirror. Her tired blue eyes look back at her, the bags under them still very visible, her red lipstick is long gone and her lips look oh so pale. All of her does. When was the last time she saw the sun? Either way Zelda is right, she looks exhausted. But then again nights of not sleeping and being surrounded by nightmares will do that. She sighs and touches her reflection softly, hating it. Then she removes her clothing. The oversized coat is thrown aside and her nightgown falls in a puddle around her ankles. She steps out and kicks the piece of garment. The cold air pierces her skin, sharpening her reality. She is a runaway now.

She becomes angry with herself. On a good day she would have incinerated people for talking to her that way, now she bites her tongue in fear of being kicked out. So what if she’s helping her? She should have bitten back! She turns the shower on but doesn’t enter the bathtub. She hears Zelda walking away and the door closing. Good, she is alone.

She kicks her nightgown again. It reminds her too much of hell. Then kicking isn’t enough. The thing is still mocking her, reminding her what she can’t escape. The fabric still shining under the artificial light. She hates it. She tears the whole thing down, even biting it and throws it scattered around the floor. She pauses to take a breath and there’s wetness on her face again.

-Fuck!

Sobs wrack her body as she tries to be as quiet as possible. Her hands shake and she can’t control them. She’s free but she is not. She has run away but she still has to hide. She is safe but she is not. She falls down next to the tube and hugs her legs, still trying to be silent. She gasps for air, feeling as if she’s choking.

-Fuck

She repeats, then the walls are coming down on her, crushing her. Was that Zelda’s plan? The Spellmans? To help her only so that they’re the ones who destroy her? Has she traded an awful prison for a prettier one?

A knock on the door snaps her out of it.

-Are you done yet?

Lilith raises her head, face red and wet with tears. She takes a deep breath and braces herself before answering.

-I’ll be out in a minute!

She forces herself under the water and lets it wash her pain away. At least for the moment. She uses a vanilla with buttercream fragranced shampoo and soap she finds at the side and washes herself as fast as she can. She rinses her hair and steps out, closing the shower and grabbing a fluffy towel that was lying around.

-And they say I take my time in the bathroom… surely you won’t end our hot water in your stay?

Lilith takes a second too long to answer and Zelda notices.

-That’s another joke.

-I knew that.

Zelda sits on her bed and points to the other one.

-There are some clothes I thought would fit.

Lilith nods and walks towards the small bed. She grabs the first black dress she sees, it’s a loose fitting long sleeved mid length one, and drops the towel to put it on.

-There’s also underwear on…

Zelda turns around to point to another spot and freezes. Lilith’s back is covered in bruises, scratches and lots of other injuries. And so are her arms and legs. She lets out a soft gasp and the awkward pang is back on her chest. Its guilt she realizes. She feels guilt.

Ignoring her, Lilith grabs a pair of black lace panties and puts them on. Then she turns around to the stunned Zelda and points the zipper.

-Stop staring, it’s impolite. Instead do you mind zipping me up?

Zelda puts a cold mask on her face and walks towards her, roughly zipping her up.

-I wasn’t.

She passes Lilith an apple she had brought from the kitchen.

-Here, you can snack this while you tell me more of your story, we have time until Hilda comes back and cooks something.

\- You didn’t have to…

-Stop saying that, and to distract you while you eat you can answer more of my questions.

Lilith throws and catches the apple in a parody of a carefree movement that seems too tense on her. Then she nods to Zelda and crosses her legs, baring herself to her questions.

Zelda takes a deep breath, she can sense the brunette is internally shaking but if what she says is true they will need the most information they can.

-Do you know where Blackwood is?

Lilith stops playing with the apple and answers mechanically.

-No.

Zelda let’s out a groan and makes her hands into fists, shaking her head.

-I hate to think of that bastard running around free.

Lilith doesn’t answer, instead looks at the floor and gives a small bite to the apple. It’s juicier than anything she has tasted in the past month.

-I know. –She says with a small voice, almost hiding behind the fruit. –Me too.

Only then Zelda takes a good look at Lilith. From her trembling hands to her passive demeanor compared to how she used to be, the way her eyes dart nervously around the room and how she seems to be using the fruit as a shield. Then her mind goes to the bruises and wound she just say and she can’t handle it anymore.

-I’m sorry. –The words blurt out of her mouth before she can stop them.

Lilith rises her head and looks at her in the eyes. There is so much pain and sorrow in them Zelda feels like drowning in it.

-I know. –The demoness answers simply. Then she averts her eyes, only one thought gracing her mind. _I’m sorry too._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm sorry it took me so long, but there's a bit of fluff at the end!  
> Enjoy the reading <3

**Then**

A few days had passed since the incident at the dinner, but it still was strongly difficult for the demoness to find any sort of food. It was as if everyone had agreed to refuse her. She had told herself she could do without, she was ancient and it wouldn’t be the first time she went without food. But it had been quite some time and she was beginning to feel its toll.

Then on one night, when she was getting ready for bed in her chambers, Lucifer sent for her.

Once they were alone in his room he took a small vial full of a dark liquid and gave it to her. Lilith grabbed it with cautious fingers. She hated how slow her movements were, not because of any theatrics she would have used any other day, but due to the lack of sustenance she suffered.

-What is that?

The devil rolled his eyes, annoyed by her question.

-Vitamins, for my son. You are to drink one of this each day, to make him stronger.

She stared at the vial, not moving.

-Starting now. –He said coldly, with a voice that accepted no refute.

With an involuntary shudder she opened the vial and poured it into her mouth. It tasted horrible but she swallowed all. Hiding a frown she bit her tongue, not wanting to show him how much it affected her.

-Will that be it, my lord?

She was so ready to retire to her chambers, get into her bed and try to sleep her pain away. Maybe this night wouldn’t be so filled with nightmares. But Lucifer had other plans, he was already settling in bed and mocking her with his eyes.

-Why, are you in a hurry to get somewhere?

-No, I… -She began to make up an excuse but didn’t get far.

-Just kidding, I don’t care. You’ll spend the night here.

The demoness tensed. The last thing she wanted was to spend any second more than what was extremely necessary with him.

Lucifer pat the space next to him and Lilith sat down wearily, as if the bed was laced with poison and needles. Tired of her sluggish movements he grabbed her by the waist and threw her to the center of the bed, laying down by her side and trapping her by keeping a strong hold of her stomach.

The demoness bit back a whimper, remembering the last time she had shared a bed with someone. It had been so different. It had been actually pleasant and she had felt safe enough. And then she remembered her multiple daydreams about a certain ginger and sharing a bed. Two things that were most certainly never going to happen. The first person was dead and the other one despised her enough to throw her into the claws of this monster. She had to choke in the back of her throat a sob of frustration.

-Be silent, you know how I don’t like to be bothered. –He said and tightened his grip on her.

The start of a migraine took root in her head and she closed her eyes, trying to focus on her breathing and not in the harsh grip on her body. She would have bruises the next day of that she was sure. Still she kept quiet, it wasn’t her first time sharing a bed with the devil. She hated it, but she knew very well the things he liked and disliked. Getting his sleep interrupted was one of the big no’s. At least this time it seemed his intentions wouldn’t go further. He hadn’t touched her that way since she had gotten pregnant.

Hours passed and her migraine only increased while the devil slept. Half of her body was hurting for the uncomfortable position she was in and she wanted so badly to go to her own chambers and sleep it off. Perhaps snatch some strong liquor in her way. Yes, she would need so much of it if she was meant to survive this months.

An especially painful wave hit and she whimpered, unable to hold the pain that was threatening to explode her head. She let out a sob and before she was able to quiet down a foot connected with her ribs and she was kicked to the floor.

The brunette fell with a sickening crunch and moaned in pain. What was happening? The world twirled around her eyes for a few moments before she was able to focus on anything.

On the bed Lucifer laid with a smug smile and eyes closed. The bastard had kicked her!

Feeling furious Lilith stood up on shaky legs, ready to leave now that she was free from his grip. She walked towards the door, careful as to not make a sound, when a rough laugh reached her ears.

-Leaving so soon? And here I thought we were having some bonding time.

She froze on the spot. She heard the fluttering of something being thrown to the floor and slowly turned around.

On the side of the bed where she had fallen now laid a couple of blankets.

-You have to admit it is a nice irony. Madam Satan, the concubine, my bitch. Now actually sleeping at the foot of the bed instead of on it. Former usurper now back in her place.

He pointed to the floor.

-You know I remember, how you held me while I was in the young warlock’s body.

Lilith gulped and a cold shiver coursed through her body, frozen to the spot. Of course she remembered, it had been one of her small victories. Pleasures in life and that. She had been wondering when she would pay for it. It seemed then was the time.

Finally she walked cautiously back to the bed and stopped at the side, she decided to try to reason with him.

-It’s late, we’re both tired. As the mother of your son let me…

He slapped her, hard, so hard her face bobbed to the side and she almost lost her footing. Her hand flew to her cheek, grabbing her now reddening hot skin.

-You don’t get to use that card. Your days are numbered and I told you this wouldn’t be a pleasant experience.

She raised her head defiantly despise the bruise that was starting to form. He kept going.

-Now as you insist on remembering me you are the womb from where my son will be born, but that will not save you from your previous deeds.

He slapped her again and this time she fell to the floor. She tried to collect herself, resting on her knees, for which he wasted no time in standing up and kicked her legs, throwing her to the floor face first.

-I didn’t say you could get up.

He stood over her then. Placing one foot on her neck and the hoof in front of her face, clear with the intent of her kissing it as when she had lost the bet they had so many months ago. But for the first time since she stopped being queen she refused.

-No.

-No?

-No.

He pressed harder then and pain from her new injuries and migraine mixed together.

-No.

She repeated and braced her head when he took out his foot to kick her again, this time stepping over her arms. His hoof felt extremely painful. But she had gotten a taste of what it meant to be queen and she refused to be set so down again. Her life had an expiration date, she would have the pleasure of saying no to the devil at least that one time.

-No…

She managed to mutter from the spot where she was curled on the floor.

The devil laughed and hit harder, tearing her nightgown. He was an artist and she as the canvas. His favorite colors were purples and blues and soon she’d be covered in them, the only place he avoided was her stomach. She could feel the pain in her arms and doubted she’d be able to walk properly the next day. How dare he?! She was so mad and afraid she didn’t think her next move.

-No!

She screamed and pushed back, it was a weak push and she was ashamed of it. But it caught the devil by surprise and was enough to make him step back.

He stared at her with and unreadable look and for a moment she feared he might forego his promises and kill her in the spot.

Instead he laughed, as if it were all a game to him. In his mind it probably was. Lilith swallowed, feeling a tight knot on her throat. She rose slowly, trying to ignore the pain and how blurry her sight was. She feared she might faint.

-You may go now.

He raised his hand and the door opened. She hurried towards it, not giving a second thought as to what made him change his mind and when she was just crossing the door she added.

-I really enjoyed ripping your tongue out.

And she didn’t wait for an answer, she knew she’d pay for it later. But in that moment she preferred to take her small victory and hurry to the security of her chambers.

She collapsed the second she hit her bed, still wearing her now torn clothes, and fell unconscious into a nightmare filled sleep until the next day.

**Now**

The day is filled with awkward stares from Zelda and Lilith purposely avoiding eye contact. No more is mentioned from hell or Adam. Instead the ginger tries to check the demoness symptoms, only to face a wall. The brunette refuses to acknowledge her pain until after the third trip to the bathroom in which she has thrown up the last contents of her stomach.

Still she shrugs Zelda’s helping hand, noticing how the witch touches her as if she were made of glass.

-I’m not a porcelain doll, you know that, right?

She can’t help but bite out. Zelda frowns at the choice of words but quickly nods, retreating her hands and checking the hour for what seems the hundredth time. When will Hilda arrive?

-Don’t flatter yourself, you aren’t that graceful

It is an attempt at their normal barking and a pretty bad one at it, but Lilith takes it. She snorts and crosses her arms.

-I preferred it when you looked at me with hate, your pity I do not want nor need.

Zelda rolls her eyes and in that moment they hear the door opening downstairs, signaling the arrival of the other family member.

-I should go, it’s almost dinner time…

-Yes.

Lilith sits on the provisional bed and covers herself with a blanket. Her stomach chooses that moment to grumble and she frowns, grabbing it in an unconscious movement. Clearly the apple wasn’t enough.

-Go, I’ll be here when you come back. It’s not like I have somewhere else to go. Maybe I’ll be sleep or something.

-I’ll bring you food. –She says, hating how easily the brunette is disconnecting from basic needs.

But Lilith is no longer listening, instead grabbing a book that was on the night table and opening it at a random page.

The other Spellman’s don’t know yet about the other presence but Zelda manages to sneak her a plate of food, claiming to Hilda that all the work at the academy has left her famished. They don’t question her, she is the matriarch of the family and she’ll have a second plate if she wishes. She also wants to ask a few questions to Sabrina but the teen hasn’t arrived yet. And to be honest Zelda isn’t really sure she wants an answer to those questions. Still the dinner extends as she talks to Hilda and Ambrose, realizing how much she actually missed her family.

She comes back up a few hours later, to find Lilith curled up in a nest of blankets and the book turned upside down next to her.

-Migraine. –She grits through her teeth. –But I’m better now.

Zelda puts the plate of food she brought on the bed and raises a fork.

-You need to eat something.

-I’m not hungry. –To which her stomach replies with a loud grumble.

-It wasn’t a question. Come on sit up.

Reticently Lilith does and Zelda fills the fork with food. It’s lasagna and there’s apple pie as dessert which works perfectly because everybody loves those, right?

Lilith looks at the food and realizes that she is in fact starving, but can’t get herself to actually eat it. She is so lost on her inner dilemma she almost misses Zelda’s raising hand with the fork.

-You don’t need to do that. –She says quietly but accepts the food, chewing slowly. She wants to taste it all, and almost cries feeling the flavor. It’s been so long since she has had food, actual food and not those vitamins meant to keep the parasite alive. It is a simple lasagna but Lilith moans as if she were eating juice from the gods. Zelda notices, but says nothing, instead she tries to hide the look of pity and sadness that covers her eyes. In that she’s not as successful as she thinks.

It takes a while but she manages to eat half of the plate and not throw up. That’s enough for both of them to call it success.

Night comes and as soon as the light’s out Zelda turns her back on Lilith. Too troubled with her own feelings to be able to look at her anymore.

Lilith lays awake for almost an hour before she is able to conciliate sleep.

She wakes up in the middle of the night covered in sweat with a silent scream leaving her lips. She’s shaking uncontrollably but she can’t move. She was back in hell, and now she’s awake but her body doesn’t respond. It’s happened before but this time she feels she’s drowning. And at first she doesn’t recognize her surroundings and is terrified out of her mind.

A small whimper manages to leave her lips. She gets more terrified by this. All she knows is she mustn’t make noise.

Zelda is still sleep, snoring softly on her bed. Lilith hears her and remembers where she is. Not in hell, but in the Spellman’s house. In a room with Zelda who isn’t capable to look at her without pity or hate and guilt in her eyes. A tremble invades her mind.

She feels even worse and her chest is oppressed. Air, she needs air, she needs to move.

A stronger whimper leaves her mouth and her breathing becomes hard and labored.

Finally Zelda cracks an eye open, but she doesn’t seem to be aware that Lilith’s awake.

-Shh, it’s just a nightmare.

She says sleepily. Her already deep voice is rough from sleep, but still washes like velvet over the scared demoness. She focuses on Zelda, trying to move or say something. Her voice keeps her grounded but she still can’t move.

A tear slips from her eye and falls on the pillow. Finally Zelda realizes something is wrong and stirs awake. She gets out of bed and walks towards the brunette, shaking her lightly.

-Lilith? Wake up, you’re having a bad dream

Lilith manages to open her eyes and the look of despair in them almost throws Zelda back. Raw emotion is on those crystal blue orbs. A vulnerability she knows the demoness wouldn’t have let her see, had she been able to avoid it.

-Oh my… it’s sleep paralysis

Zelda herself has experienced it before and she knows it’s no easy ride but the woman in front of her seems to be passing through all the circles in hell at the moment.

The witch sits down and pulls Lilith’s still unresponding body towards her, caressing softly her hair and grabbing her hand. After a few moments she gets a twitch back and gradually the brunette is able to move.

Sobs wreck her body and she holds onto Zelda for dear life. However the more she sobs the more afraid she looks and the more she tries to get away.

-I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I mean, this parasite, it’s making me all emotional and I…

-You don’t need to excuse yourself, anyone can have a nightmare. Especially after…

Lilith interrupts her, not wanting to hear the end of that sentence.

-I didn’t mean to wake you up.

Lilith lowers her head and removes herself from Zelda’s hug, but unable to handle her balance she ends up flopping to the other side of the small bed.

Zelda rises an eyebrow, at the clearly pathetic attempts of the demoness to pretend she’s fine.

-You could have just asked to lay down.

-I can do it, you do enough by letting me stay here and share your room.

Zelda sighs, knowing that there’s more to the story than what Lilith’s told her but not wanting to push her then.

-Let’s just go back to sleep, it’s probably 3 am.

Lilith gives a curt nod but her whole body is so tense the veins start popping up on her forehead. There doesn’t seem to be more sleep for her that night. Horrifying images pass her mind the second she closes her eyes and she doesn’t want to see them anymore. Alone, she’s always alone, and tortured and she can feel his foot on her neck, pressing down…

Her thoughts are interrupted when Zelda coughs and turns from her own bed. She has a weird expression on her face.

-Want to come here?

Lilith shakes her head.

-No, no, I’m fine. –She says but her body language refutes her.

Zelda rolls her eyes and moves towards the other woman, getting into her bed and cuddling her in a soft embrace, the way she used to do Sabrina whenever she had a nightmare and came to her bed when she was little.

-I don’t…

Lilith begins to refuse, but she can’t help but feel safer in Zelda’s arms. She smells her perfume and the body heat she gives is actually comforting. Her mind flies to the thoughts she once had had about the ginger and a bed. She wants to laugh and then cry at how things have turned out.

-Close your eyes and relax, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. –And to be true to her Zelda fashion she adds. –And we both need to sleep for tomorrow, less we look like zombies. Maybe you can have that in your aesthetic, but I can’t. So rest now.

Slowly the demoness begins to relax, while the witch pets her hair and whispers reassuring words to her ears. Before she knows it she has drifted to Morpheus land and she is snoring softly. Zelda follows suit and it is the first time in months either of them has a nightmare free sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a nice reading!

**Then**

Lilith woke up feeling worse than she had ever since her arrival in hell. Every single muscle of her body hurt. She let out a groan of pain, remembering the previous night. How long had she been out? Nobody had sent for her, for she was all alone in her chambers. She incorporated and barely managed to get off bed before throwing up

-Shit…

She cleaned up with magic and immediately felt the strain of it.

-I hate you. –She said out loud, and that felt good. The bump was barely visible, but she could feel how much it took from her.

-I hate you so much I wish you didn’t exist.

She grabbed one of the already destroyed sleeves of the dress she had been wearing and tore it apart in full anger.

-I…

She was interrupted by the doors opening and a young white haired witch entering.

-Lilith hi, were you talking to someone? –The new queen asked, looking around.

The demoness froze, for a split second she felt mad for getting interrupted in her own chambers, then her anger faded into fear. Why was Sabrina there? That girl never went looking for her unless she needed something, and the last thing she wanted was to be sent on a quest to help her mortal friends or whatever mess she had gotten herself into.

-Lilith? –The girl was very close now, shaking her hand in front of her face and invading her personal space. Then she made a move to shake the brunette by the shoulders and she took an involuntary step back.

-Sabrina! I, I was just having a monologue with myself. You know, old tricks for better diction. –Lilith pretended to fix her hair, she knew she looked like a mess but for the sake of appearances she would lie until the girl bought it. She hadn’t forgotten how easily the girl had looked away during dinner. –I just woke up. Did you need something? Something you missed from you hellish lessons?

-No…I mean, yes! But it’s not about that.

Lilith bite back a groan. Of course not. It probably was about those damn…

-I need help contacting some souls. –She continued, not letting Lilith form a full thought. –I need to know more about a time egg.

At that the demoness stared.

-A what?

-It’s a long story. But I need to know more.

-Sabrina are the queenly duties crushing you? Are you alright? –She asked patronizingly, remembering her old manipulation tactics. However this time it went differently.

-You will tell me, or I will tell my darling father Lucifer about how much you hate his son. Now he probably won’t be surprised, but he won’t be pleased either, will he?

The girl bore a smug smile on her face, the same way she whenever she had some new plan to defeat the devil before. Only now it was directed against her. Lilith placed a mask upon her face. Of course she had heard about such a magical being, and she knew enough to know that Sabrina near it was a bad idea.

-I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.

-Spare me the act Lilith, we both know you don’t want it and to be honest neither do I. Turns out I rather enjoy being queen.

-You don’t mean…

-You once told me Queens don’t cry, do former ones do?

Lilith stared in surprise, the woman who now verbally fired so much looked as the girl from a few weeks ago but she didn’t sound like her. She knew what she was implying, but did that mean she had an ally on her? Or just another bigger enemy in the growth?

-If I were to tell you about such thing, why would you want to know? Last I heard it was far away on…

-On Scotland, yes. You see I too have resources. So let’s talk.

With magic Sabrina pulled two chairs for them to sit and handed Lilith a small vial filled with the same dark liquid as before as they sat.

-A present from my hellish father.

Lilith rolled her eyes but took the vial, closing her hand around it. She still felt its disgusting taste slipping down her throat, it felt like choking.

-You’re supposed to drink it.

-I see your patience is not a quality that has increased. –She replied but opened the vial and poured the liquid in one gulp. It tasted even worse and this time she didn’t bother to hide her disgust. –This is shit.

Sabrina let out a small laugh and for a second she resembled the young girl she had groomed to take her dark baptism. Then a cold look shone in her eyes and the past was gone.

-It’s meant to be. Father bragged about it today during breakfast. Something about Saturdays being delicious for torture. Don’t worry though, he doesn’t have an interest to call you anytime soon, that’s why he send me.

Lilith raised an eyebrow, the girl was giving her plenty of information, even in her new attempts to be harsh she was too naïve.

-And I of course had some questions of my own. I’ve barely seen you here on hell, when I used to meet with you almost every day at Baxter high.

-Yeah, not by my choice, Sabrina. –She said her mortal name with petty delight, wanting to remind her of her old days.

-It’s your majesty now. Or your grace, of course you are more vested in royalty protocols than I am, you’ll know what to call me. –Replied smugly the teen, oh how she resembled her father now.

The demoness wondered how come she had never seen the resemblance. It was so painfully obvious now. The way the both used people. Then she remembered her aunts, specially the ginger one, and how they also used her. Praying only when it was useful and then discarding her as a used tool. She shook her head, not wanting to think about that now. Instead she concluded that maybe that was just the way she had been raised. Satan had chosen her family well.

-Please, just state your questions, your grace. I do look forward for a Saturday of doing nothing but staring at the ceiling and going back and forth from the toilet thanks to your baby brother.

She smiled knowing she had hit a nerve when the smug smile was replaced by a frown on the girls face.

-First of all, gross. Second, I need to know about every effect the egg might have. Not only about time but about magic in general.

-Well its old magic. Besides from its time effect that you very clearly already now, it holds something commonly known as the Eldritch terrors. This is something said to tear through the skin of reality, filled with something so dark and sinister even we don’t know all about it. –The demoness stopped for a second and looked at Sabrina’s eyes. –I am curious now, how did you manage to obtain it and furthermore discover it’s time properties? And why the sudden interest?

-I might have had it, for a short period of time, and you wouldn’t believe me if I told you the full story.

-Why? Did you created the end of the world and had to travel back to fix your own mistakes and creating a worst rift by doing so?

Sabrina let out a shaky laugh and Lilith knew she wasn’t telling the full story.

-No! Of course not! That’s a good one though. And for the interest, well I am queen of hell. It is my duty to be informed about any possible threats to the crown and…

-Why would it be a threat? I would assume if you do not have it then your aunts do, it would not be safe to keep it in hell. Unless… have you lost it?

Sabrina’s face told enough.

-How did you manage lose the egg that holds the key to the eldritch terrors?

-I didn’t and we are working on it.

-I do hope that “we” does not include me.

-I meant me. I was only using the pluralis majestatis like you taught me.

-Sabrina what have you done?

The queen stood up, towering over Lilith, whose reflexes were too slow to match.

-I need your help, but I also need to be sure you will not tell my father a thing. He is not to now about this.

Lilith gave her a piercing stare, unblinking cold ice blue eyes rivaling hazel ones. Then hazel turned bright white and blue blinked.

-Well you are carrying his offspring. And that’s why I need reassurance, I don’t know if I can trust you. In today’s vial I slipped a little spell of mine. You won’t be able to tell about this to anyone unless I deem it so.

-You did what?! You spoiled, ungrateful brat! After everything I’ve done, you wouldn’t even be queen if it wasn’t for my work. You wouldn’t even have taken your own dark baptism. Every step of your damned road I’ve been there, helping you! Even if it wasn’t by my own choice. –She stood up then, and the girl had the decency of stepping back. – Especially since it wasn’t by my own choice! And you betrayed me, that crown was only meant to be temporary on your head. Heaven, you didn’t even tell me the devil was out on time!

-You betrayed me first.

She saw Lilith ready to say more and rose her hand, taking her voice away. The demoness gave her an outraged look.

-About the other stuff, you are right. I know and that’s why I need you to do this. I’ve been weak in the past. But you are here to give me your advice. After all you still are charged by Satan to teach me some things to be queen.

She moved her hand and Lilith got her voice back. –And yeah, that’s a new trick I learnt from daddy in this days.

-Rest now, Madam Satan, you’ll be hearing from me in the next days.

And she left, leaving a shaky Lilith sitting at the chair with a torn nightdress and unsure of what to do next.

**Now**

Morning comes and Zelda wakes up feeling lazy and rested, still she feels a bit weird with an extra weight on top of her. She opens her eyes and a brunette head graces her. Lilith is still asleep, still on Zelda’s arms. First the ginger is alarmed, then she remembers the previous night and allows herself to relax, closing her eyes and drifting back to sleep. She can’t remember the last time she felt so well rested…

-AUNT ZEE!

The couple of witches are rudely awoken by the yelling of a young witch. At this Lilith automatically dives under the covers, heart racing, while Zelda struggles to wake up, quickly locking the door with a spell. As on cue the door rattles at someone trying to open it.

-Aunt Zee!!

Lilith shifts under the covers, curling in on herself trying to be as small as possible. She can’t be here, can she? She holds tight onto the first thing she can find, Zelda’s legs, and closes her eyes, trying to ease her breathing.

-I’m awake Sabrina! No need to bring the whole place down! –She answers, voice still rough from sleep. She feels a weight hugging her legs and frowns, that’s weird, also that’s making her feel things she shouldn’t be feeling. She can feel her face flush red.

-I just wanted to say aunt Hilda says breakfast is ready! She’s worried ‘cause you are always the first one at the table and now it’s late and you haven’t left your room. Are you okay?

-I’m fine, I simply forgot to place my alarm last night.

-Okay. –The teen remains by the door.

-I’ll be down in a minute, you three get going I wouldn’t like you to starve waiting for me.

-We won’t aunty Zee! But do hurry or you’ll find no bacon! –Comes another voice, this time male, from across the hall. He then takes Sabrina and they can hear their footsteps going down the stairs.

Zelda can’t help but chuckle at Ambrose’s antics. Then she remembers her current business and takes the covers off, looking strangely at Lilith.

The brunette raises her head, blinking slowly to adjust her eyes to the light. It’s still pretty dark though, Zelda has always preferred her room to be. And in that moment she gives thanks it is, for else Lilith would notice the blush on her cheeks.

Yet the demoness mind is somewhere else as she sits up and fixes her hair, acting as if nothing had happened.

-You should go, you family is calling. –She says, pushing her softly out of bed.

The ginger remains rooted on place, her initial surprise being slowly replaced by uncertainty and distrust.

-Why did you hide? –She asks accusingly. She knows something is off and she needs to know what it is. –You know I wouldn’t have let them enter. Even if they had, eventually they’d know you are here.

-I did not…

-You dived under the covers. That’s hiding, heaven that was you trying to get swallowed by my sheets. Now why? It’s only Sabrina.

The brunette lowers her gaze and fidgets with her hands. She knows her niece is one of Zelda’s soft points.

-You said before that my niece is the queen of hell. Is she something more?

-I can’t say…

And that’s enough for Zelda’s conspiracy theories to pop back on her mind. She spent so much time being wary of the woman in front of her she can’t help but be suspicious.

-Did you do something to her? Is that why you don’t want her to see you?

The demoness finds herself at loss of words. How do you tell someone a loved one is no longer what they knew? Zelda mistakes her silence and goes full into a tirade.

-I knew it! Oh how I knew it but I let myself be moved by the state of you!

Angrily she gets out of bed, Lilith follows with sluggish movements, grabbing the bed for support. She knows Zelda is upset but her words hurt like daggers to the heart.

-You’ve always been a traitorous being. But I… -She stops herself, fearing for a moment she is getting carried away by her own self-hate and emotions. She loved sharing the bed with Lilith, now why can’t she stop attacking her? – You said you’d answer all my questions when we made the deal. Now I’m asking. What happened with my niece?

Lilith feels her tongue tangling then and she wants to answer but she can’t.

-I can’t tell you exactly. I know it’s hard, but Sabrina is not the same girl you grew.

Zelda rolls her eyes, full of distrust. –Go on.

-Her being queen of hell has changed her and… -her tongue twists again and she can’t continue.

-Hecate’s sake, you can’t even think of a full lie! -Zelda exclaims with her heart beating rapidly. 

-I’m not! She asked me about this a week ago, last Saturday morning and…

Zelda interrupts with a dry laugh, rolling her eyes and hugging herself. For one moment she actually had thought it might work. Curse her for having feelings for a demoness.

\- You are lying. See I know that can’t be true because last Saturday morning we had breakfast and spent a morning together. So you can keep those traitorous lies to yourself. – Zelda spits out, she feels angry and betrayed because for a moment there she had felt something for the brunette she didn’t think possible to feel again.

-I’m not lying! –Lilith screams then, not caring that anyone could hear her. –I haven’t lied to you from the second I crossed that door a night ago. I admit that in the past I did you nasty, but so did you to me! And now I can’t even speak my mind truly because even if I am out of hell, hell is not out of me.

Zelda stands like a statue, her posture quivering. Part of her wants to hold the brunette in her arms and reassure her that hell won’t get her again, that she’s safe. Another part of her fears what she says about her niece is true and she doubts she could handle that again. The third part of her is just plain scared that the demoness is in fact lying and will just break her heart. She doesn’t want to get hurt, that’s why she builds emotional walls. She’s not heartless, just wary and scared.

-Then prove it! –She yells back, desperately wanting to believe her.

They both are so angry and upset they don’t notice the energy beginning to flow around them.

-I… -Lilith starts to say and then the lamp flies against the wall, almost hitting Zelda. 

-Did you just throw that at me? –The ginger witch is outraged now. Mostly at herself, but she vents out still.

-No! –The demoness raises her arms, trying to show that she’s no threat, these days she can barely do spells without them taking a toll on her. Why would she waste her energy in attacking her savior?

The witch however sees the gesture differently and without thinking sends a counter spell, only there’s nothing for it to counteract.

Lilith flies against the wall, hitting it and the shelves with a sickening crack and falls to the floor in a small heap. She doesn’t rise.

-Shit! No, no, no.

Zelda rushes to her side and cradles her body softly for a few seconds.

-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.

She catches a soft, almost imperceptible breathing and relief washes over her.

Zelda has barely managed to carry the brunette to her bed and is sitting down with her head on her lap when the door bursts open and three Spellmans barge in ready for action.

They stop abruptly when they see the scene in front of them, unsure of how to react until Hilda breaks the silence.

-Why am I not surprised that the only time you manage to be late for breakfast is because she is involved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's that xoxo  
> Leave a comment on what you think might happen next!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm sorry it took me so long, but here's the next chapter.  
> Have a good reading <3

**Then**

Almost without realizing it, Lilith had settled into a routine. Her return to being Satan’s servant had been painful and humiliating to say the least.

_Fetch this. Take this. Do what I say. Do what Sabrina says. Can’t you follow one order? Time made you dumb? Or is it something else?_

Lucifer’s words haunted her at night, keeping her awake along with the pregnancy pains. And those were the good nights when he didn’t want her around.

_Satan’s concubine. Concubine._

The demeaning tittle would not leave her. Everyone whispered behind her back, even when she was Queen and now she was not they did it straight to her face. The kings were the most creative ones.

_Has the little bitch lost her master? He shouldn’t have left the leash so loose. Do you need help finding him, slut? Put a chain around her neck, she’ll like it._

She didn’t want to admit it, but she feared for her safety in a way she hadn’t in centuries. If she were to leave the castle to go into the hellish woods a thousand damned beings would be waiting to fall upon her a tear her to pieces. She had never had it easy, but at least before she had been protected by her Lord’s name. Now that the demons knew she was a pariah and her days were numbered that protection was over.

That night the demoness hurried to her room, exhausted after spending an afternoon at Lucifer’s disposition. He had made her stand next to him for hours, not caring about her quickly decreasing health issues. Whenever she made a move to sit down, or leaned against the wall for support he would tell her to refill his glass of wine or some whiny ridiculous whim. A drink she was of course not allowed to consume, as he still had her on a strict diet of the demonic potion.

Only her footsteps echoed in the dark hall as it was quite late. She hastened down the path, as fast as she could without running. She didn’t want to appear paranoid. Never look weak in front of your enemies, she thought.

She heard a small buzzing sound on her left but ignored it, addressing it to her fatigue. A few minutes passed and the noise only increased. Was it meant to be another symptom of her pregnancy? Was she going to start hearing voices now?

-That’s the last thing I need. –She muttered angrily to herself, speeding up her pace as she neared the safety of her chambers. Finally, she made it, was safe. She could picture herself in bed relaxing for a few moments before the nightmares begun. She really needed that.

She let out a sigh as she extended her hand to push the door handle.

The noise increased and on the left side of her vision she saw a fly. Her blood ran cold and she didn’t have time to scream as two rough arms covered her mouth and her neck.

Of course. How could she have been so stupid and careless? The buzzing sound was from flies.

She looked around desperately and panic set in her mind, struggling against the offending hands. With magic she threw the demons off of her, but it left her weakened and she staggered on her feet seeing more demons appear in their place. Before she could react she felt a dark cloth being placed on her head, obscuring her sight and another set of hands pushed her arms tightly against her back, tying them hard. It would leave bruises later.

-Unhand me you fools! - She managed to scream against the bonds. She was met with a hard slap on the face and a coppery taste exploded in her mouth.

-He won’t be happy about this. –She threatened, trying to use another tactic to stale and gain time. Her chances against them were tiny, but she wouldn’t go down without a fight. Or so she hopped, as she felt her fatigue attempting to take her over. She only needed to last enough until someone else came over, perhaps some maids or the guards Lucifer liked to keep around her.

-We won’t hurt his son. –The voice sounded far, almost as if they were underwater. Was that Beelzebub?

With a sharp gasp Lilith realized one of the demons had picked her up, as if she were nothing but a ragdoll, and they were moving.

As they walked she mentally punished herself for not being more careful. She was a wanted woman, she should have taken precautions.

-You know Marie Antoinette was beheaded by her unhappy subjects when her reign was cut short. –One of the demons said. –You have plenty of unhappy subjects after your short lived reign.

Other voices laughed around and Lilith felt a shiver down her spine.

She felt the cold breeze of the night piercing her skin and realized they had left the palace.

-Where are you taking me?

-Shut up.

-You’ll regret this.

-Shut up.

-Lucifer will call for me next morning and when he sees I’m gone…

-I said shut up! –The grip around her tightened and she found it hard to breath. She gasped for air like a fish out of water. Instinctively her hands tried to go to her throat, to free it from whatever was closing in, but she was tightly bound against it. She let out small cries, feeling the world closing in on her, sure she’d pass out.

The pressure against her throat vanished and she heard their laughter, mocking her once more.

-I’m sure our Dark Lord will like the little present we’ll leave for him.

-We might not be able to kill you, but that only means we can get creative.

They stopped and she was pushed to the floor on her back, still unable to see. As her dress hitched up she felt dirt under her legs and realized they were near the demonic woods. She attempted to sit up, fighting her traitorous, fatigued body.

Someone lifted the cloth from her head and she blinked furiously, trying to see the faces of those she would kill one day.

A patronizing, rough hand grabbed her brown curls from behind her back and began petting them. She shrank away from the touch and was met with more laughter.

-See? You weren’t meant to be queen. You were just keeping it warm for the real monarchs.

Lilith hissed at them and furiously spit at their feet. She could feel her heart beating hard against her chest and she couldn’t risk fainting in front of them.

-I sat upon that throne and I belong there more than you or your clay boy will ever do! As much as it hurts your pathetic little egos, I was the first Queen of Hell.

Beelzebub’s smirk disappeared and was replaced with a grimace. Lilith smiled, please she could at least have a small victory.

It was short lived though, as the demon King made a move with his hand and other two demons neared her with a chain attached to a collar. It was Damascus steel.

-Get that thing away from me! –The demoness crawled backwards until her back hit a tree. She felt absolutely helpless as they trapped her in it and that only made her madder. –I’ll kill you! All of you, I swear!

That only spiked more laughter in her attackers. Beelzebub raised his hand and with horror Lilith realized he held the end of the chain. He gave a strong pull and she fell to her side, gasping for air as the metal embedded in her neck. 

-He can come and fetch you tomorrow if he pleases, disobedient pets shouldn’t be allowed inside.

She stared at him through a dizzy haze, her face only half lifting from the dirty ground. She put as much hate as she could muster in her ice blue eyes as she watched him tie the chain to the tree. 

-You were thrown from paradise onto the badlands once, this is probably bringing memories, isn’t it?

The demon laughed at his own bad joke and they all retreated, leaving the demoness alone in the cold woods.

Lilith didn’t sleep that night, whenever she closed her eyes demonic noises woke her up, terrified they might have come back for more. She could hear her teeth chattering and her body trembled from coldness and exhaustion. Also her head threatened to explode from the pain she was holding in. At some point she had crawled near the tree to use it as support and curled in on herself as much as the bonds allowed.

That was how Sabrina found her hours later, still trembling and with her eyes closed.

-Father’s looking for you.

Lilith opened her eyes and gave her a piercing stare. She hadn’t forgotten their previous interaction, but she couldn’t stand more time like that. She tried to speak but only a rough cough left her lips.

Sabrina appeared a small vial of water and wetted Lilith’s lips, but disappeared it before she could have a full sip. Then she quickly burned the bonds on her arms and the demoness sighed in relief, slowly feeling circulation returning to them as she stretched a bit.

-Can you…? –She pointed to the heavy collar around her neck.

-Of course, do you have the key?

She did not. Sabrina looked at her with something akin to pity and distaste, and the demoness couldn’t tell who it was directed at, herself or the demons.

-Father will have a solution. –Sabrina grabbed the end of the chain and added. –By the way, you haven’t told anyone about our little deal have you?

-Your spell is still in place. –Lilith responded with a grimace.

-Good.

Sabrina tore the chain tied to the tree free and indicated to Lilith they’d have to walk back. As they returned she didn’t let go of the other side of the chain.

**Now**

It is night when Lilith opens her eyes. The memory turned nightmare still haunts her. Her head hurts as if she had nails drilling in, opening her eyes is almost unbearable and when she tries to moves sharp pain crosses her left side and all of her back.

-What…? –She tries to say and feels her throat raspy, as if full with sand.

She feels a weight half on top of her and panics, immediately pushing away from it, only to stop when another wave of pain hits her. She lays down trying to regain her breathing. She closes her eyes and previous events play as if she were watching a movie.

Her magic got out of control. Zelda thought she was against her. Zelda attacked her.

A tremble crosses her body. She was a fool for thinking she’d be welcomed. The witch turned against her at the first chance. _You’ll never be accepted._ Her brain tells her. _You’re destined to be alone, the first witch, the mother of demons and now mother of the spawn from hell._

-No more. –With great difficulty she manages to move her body from under the weight, not bothering to see what it is. –I won’t be used more. –Her arm and back feel on fire, but she pushes through. -I’m not a thing to discard or control.

She’s almost free when the weight moves itself, revealing a curtain of red hair and its owner. Green sleepy yet wary eyes meet terrified and hurt ice blue ones.

-You’re awake. –Zelda speaks, stretching her body and fixing her curls.

Lilith says nothing, instead laying very still on the bed. They’ve moved her, she realizes now, no more she is in the small provisional bed but on Zelda’s own one. And she is wearing another set of clothes, no longer in the black dress but now on silk pajama pants and top. She feels mortified at the thought of someone else dressing her, even if that someone is Zelda Spellman.

-You shouldn’t try to move, you have several bruises and concussions. Also your nausea and migraine could make a comeback.

Zelda’s voice zaps her back to reality.

-And whose fault is that? –She can’t keep the hurt from her voice.

-You brought the majority of them. –Says Zelda immediately going into defense mode.

-A+ treatment you give your guests. –bites Lilith. –Is that what I am here, a guest?

-I’d call it political asylum.

-I see. –Lilith seeks Zelda’s eyes. –Can I go then?

-What?

-If I were to decide to leave, would you let me?

-I don’t know what you’re implying…

-Did I trade a prison for another?

Lilith asks with a semblance of a strong voice, but her ice blue eyes betray the vulnerability and fear behind her question.

Zelda doesn’t know what to answer to that. Has she? Surely the demoness doesn’t want to leave, she can’t go back to hell. But if she wanted to, could she? Knowing she carries the spawn of Satan changes things. Letting her go would be dangerous. And yet Zelda surprises herself by realizing it is not only her family’s safety she’s concerned about, but also the brunette’s if she were to go back to that place.

-Is that what last night seemed to you?

-Oh you got nerve, Zelda Spellman. The first second I do or say something you don’t like you throw me against your wall, and not in the fun way.

Lilith attempts to get out of bed, not wanting to remain in that room for another second. She feels humiliated by not having been able to prevent the spell. Yet Zelda pushes her back down, trying to cover her with the sheets. She feels bad and is concerned for the fall the other woman took, especially with her condition. She tells herself it’s because last thing her family needs is a fainting demoness bleeding out on the stairs.

-Don’t be ridiculous, you need to rest. Just lay down and Hilda will be up soon with some food.

Finally the brunette let’s her tuck her in, feeling defeated and sighs. Zelda caresses her brown curls softly, trying to make her relax but it only causes the demoness to shrink away, turning her head from the ginger. She stays there a couple of minutes, both in silence unsure of what to say, until Lilith breaks the tension.

-Did you ask Sabrina? –She asks in a small voice, then turns around.

Zelda avoids Lilith’s eyes and that’s how she gets her answer. Of course she hasn’t, she will always believe her precious niece over the betraying demoness. But the brunette cannot keep going like that, trapped into Sabrina’s tangle of lies, unable to tell Zelda about it. The young queen must come clean, she decides, one way or another.

-Don’t talk to me until you do. And if you ever had the tiniest bit of consideration for me, keep her and yourself away.

Zelda raises an eyebrow at this.

-You’re in my chambers.

-Don’t you have an academy to rule? Of failed rejects who can’t even commit to one church? –She says and lets out a dark chuckle. –You’re on what now, your third deity? Such a pathetic lot…

She doesn’t mean the last part, she saw the coven and how they survived difficulty by difficulty, they raised from the ashes and to that she can relate and respect. But she needs Zelda to get away and talk to Sabrina.

Zelda fells her vein throbbing in her forehead and she can’t hold the poison that spits from her lips.

-It’s not our fault we had a Queen who couldn’t protect us.

Lilith falls silent then and turns around again, giving Zelda her back. She hurt Zelda and Zelda hurt her back. But it had to be done. That’s the game they’ve always played. She shrinks into herself, again trying to disappear in between the sheets.

The ginger witch looks away, knowing what lays under the layers of clothes and how she is partially responsible for the new bruises. She feels guilty again, not wanting to leave the brunette alone in the dark. They had had to undress her to put some healing potions on. Purple and darkish green covered the otherwise soft skin. Hilda had been horrified at the sight.

-My sister will be up soon. Stay there and don’t move too much, you’re still not healed. –She says before leaving, again with an awkward feeling in her chest. Maybe she should remain close, just in case.

The door opens again and Lilith lays still, smelling some sort of soup and expecting Hilda to drop the food and leave. She doubts she’ll be able to eat. She remembers Zelda helping her the previous night and her cheeks burn red. Of course that won’t happen tonight, she reminds herself. And she shouldn’t want it, she hates how much she needs and wants Zelda’s help.

Instead of the voice of the bubbly witch a much younger one reaches her ears and she feels her blood run cold.

-What did you tell my Aunt Zee to put her in such a mood?

The door closes softly and Lilith feels trapped. No, it can’t be happening. She can’t go back to hell. She can barely get out of bed, she’d be trapped there in her room or worse Lucifer’s room. She closes her eyes, trying to keep the memories away.

She feels the bed dipping on the side and knows the white haired witch has sat down.

-Aunt Hilda said you’d be hungry, how long did Aunt Zee keep you here without us knowing?

Lilith closes her eyes, her last encounter with the demonic family playing in her mind. She can’t go back to that. She can’t.

-Will you tell him? You shouldn’t as you are here too and he won’t be pleased to know you’re still connecting with the mortal world.

-Tell him what?

-Don’t take me for a fool. –She says too quickly, her fear betraying her.

-I’m not!

Lilith turns around at the outburst of the witch. She looks the same and yet not exactly. The Sabrina in front of her lacks the malice the one from hell had. But that would be impossible, she’s not that good of an actress. She studies her with her eyes as the young witch places the plate of soup on the table near the bed

-Don’t you wanna eat something? –The young witch asks, going to help Lilith sit up. The brunette recoils from her touch, raising her right hand defensibly. She doesn’t want anything Morningstar near her.

-What’s your game?

-What?

-Are you playing this nice façade for your aunts? They’re not around, you don’t have to lie, your majesty.

She spits the last word with poison. But maybe she can trade her stay for information, it seems to have been working so far.

-If I give you more information on the time egg will you not tell your father I’m here? I know how much you like the crown and your brother isn’t here yet.

-Deal.

The door opens abruptly and a very angry Zelda followed by a confused Hilda enter.

-What is the meaning of this, Sabrina!?

The teen steps away from Lilith, who attempts to sit up on the bed, feeling uncomfortable at being the only one laying down in the suddenly crowded room.

-It’s not what it sounds like, auntie Zee.

-Oh really? Because it sounds as if you were the queen of hell, still working with the Devil. Which is exactly what she told me…

Zelda looks at Lilith then and the brunette holds her stare, her ice blue eyes proud against the now ashamed green ones. She tries to speak again, say all she knows, but her tongue twists in her mouth, she has to play her cards well if she wants the truth to be found out. So she’ll bluff.

-Everything, I told you everything I knew, that was our deal.

Sabrina predictably interrupts then. –What? How? I thought…

Zelda narrows her eyes. –You thought what, young lady? Casting a spell to clean up your mess?

The teen, knowing her cover is blown up, gives in.

-Not me, but yes me. I guess it works either way. –She looks at Lilith with something close to regret on her face. – _possis dicere verum._ You can speak now, I command it, that’s how the spell should work… and it doesn’t matter if they already know about the lost time egg. And I am not the queen, eh… properly speaking.

-As queen of hell Sabrina is researching the properties of time and the eldritch terrors. –Lilith blurts out, and confirms she can speak. She turns sharply to Sabrina then, ignoring the Spellman sisters. –How dare you?! You are every bit of your father, and someday very soon your soul will be as rotten as his archangel grace.

She is absolutely mad and sees red against the white haired witch. Even if she’s not able to fully get out of bed she is more than ready to give a piece of her mind. Or a lot of pieces, after all the time she’s been silenced.

-There’s an explanation for this, and Ambrose can confirm it. But first Lilith you need to calm down. –The teen pleads then, afraid of her aunts’ wrath when they discover her other time messes.

-I will not calm down! Tell your aunts everything you do in hell. Go on! Tell them or I will!

Both look ready to fight and Hilda intervenes then, before things get more out of hand.

-I think we all need to take a deep breath before we have this conversation. Sabrina here clearly has a lot to explain, and so does Lilith.

-Aunt Hilda I…

-Shh. We will let Lilith eat, because I didn’t cook for it to go to waste and she looks like she needs it or she’ll pass out while screaming, and then we will speak.

-And go call Ambrose, it seems he too has things to explain. –Adds Zelda, her eyes never leaving Lilith.

The brunette appears too small in the big bed, almost swallowed by the shared clothes, her dark hair contrasting with her sharp cheekbones and currently pale lips. It’s still disconcerting to see her without her signature red lips. Still she can notice her attempts to look strong and ready to fight. She must have been, strong, seeing how the tiniest spell seems to wipe her out, yet she managed to transport all the way from hell. How much has this woman been through, that she carries her wounds with apparent normalcy and tries to appear fine?

-Sure, Zelds do you want me to stay here? And you can go with… -Hilda starts to say, but is interrupted by her sister.

-I’ll stay here. –She blurts out, and surprise shines in Lilith’s eyes. –Do bring more of the healing potion before you look for Ambrose, we will need it.

Lilith looks away, remembering how they changed her while she was unconscious. And the burning sensation is back on her face. She hears movement around, a door closing and then the bed dips as Zelda sits down on the border.

The ginger grabs the plate of soup, it’s still warm, and seeks Lilith’s face.

The brunette stares back, with her lips pursued in a thin line. Whether it’s from anger, stress or pain Zelda can’t tell. It becomes clear she won’t speak so Zelda dips the spoon into the liquid and brings it to Lilith’s still closed lips. She shakes her head, with distrust clear in her eyes as it was Sabrina and not Hilda who brought the food. Zelda realizes and takes a sip herself to prove there’s no poison in it. Then she fills the spoon again and brings it to Lilith’s lips.

The brunette blows softly and closes her lips around the spoon. It tastes delicious and she is starving, even if she won’t admit it.

-Do you believe me now?

-I do.

-And do you trust me?

Zelda rises another spoonful of soup and blows softly the way Lilith did before, before giving it to her.

-I want to.

Lilith opens her lips and allows Zelda to enter the spoon, swallowing all.

-That’s a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hated it? Loved it? Either way leave a comment on what you think will happen next, see you next chapter ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back with more, have a nice reading <3

**Then**

The way back was awkward to say the least. Lilith kept tripping with branches in the uneven ground, and Sabrina barely waited for her. In several occasions the collar embedded on her skin from the tight leash and left her coughing and gasping for air. Neither of them acknowledged the elephant in the room, instead the young Queen decided to ask more questions.

-So I’ve been researching time and I figured there must be a way to stop a paradox…-She started rambling about, clearly expecting the demoness to corroborate her findings or praise her little research skills.

Lilith’s mind was in another place. Her body hurt so much she trembled at every step, the nausea was killing her but she kept resisting it and she was tired oh so tired, and she needed to sleep but she knew she wouldn’t get it until doing whatever Lucifer wanted. She dreaded the moment they arrived at the court room, yet she expected it because she couldn’t handle having that thing around her neck for another second.

She wanted to lock herself in her room, take a hot bath, empty her stomach and sleep for a whole day. She allowed herself to imagine being back at Mary Wardwell’s cottage, where she had lived alone for so many months. There she could have as many baths as she wanted, and eat as many delivery boys as she wished, and partially she was free. Then a certain ginger witch invaded her mind and she smiled to herself.

-Hell to Lilith! What do you think of my idea?

She was rudely brought out of her thoughts by a shrill voice.

-What…?

The demoness was distracted and didn’t notice a branch sticking out. She fell on all fours and barely managed to avoid hitting her face.

-Jeez, no need to be so graphic. –Replied the queen with a sarcastic smile, she neared Lilith and offered a hand to help her up. –Hurry up I don’t have all day, I have experiments to perform.

Lilith raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to elaborate. She didn’t need to say more, there were few things the blonde haired witch loved more than hearing her own voice.

-I’ll send test subjects. Back and forth in time until I can see how many paradoxes I can create and destroy.

Lilith looked horrified.

-That is a terrible idea.

-I only need to figure out how to make them travel first. And don’t worry, I’m not looking for you approval.

Lilith sighed with relief, of course she would make big plans with no actual way to get there.

They made the rest of the way in silence. When they arrived at court all the demons were there. Lilith recognized their voices before their faces.

They made a small stop, as they waited for the doors to open and she could feel her stomach a bundle of nerves. She didn’t want them to be there.

As they entered she could hear them, mocking her at every step, _whore, slut, put her in her place, no queen,_ and some even dared to make dog noises. She forced herself to keep her head high. She knew she looked a mess, but she walked as regally as if she were dressed in the finest gown and the collar around her neck was jewelry and not her prison.

-There you are! I was looking for you.

Lucifer’s words made her want to flinch and hide away but she pushed through.

-Dark Lord. –She responded.

-When I woke up and called for you and you weren’t there I got really worried, I wouldn’t want anything to happen to my son.

Lilith bit her tongue to hold a retort in. All she needed to do was get through that stupid audience, get the collar off of her neck and she’d be able to rest.

-Now I see you’re getting creative with your necklaces. –He smiled, full of sarcasm and the whole court laughed.

-This was a present from your friends. –She said as coldly as she could manage. She felt her cheeks starting to burn in humiliation, but she didn’t want to let them see. No one should see a crack in her armour.

-Yes, they told me all about it. Very innovative I must say. –He said and out of his pocket materialized a small key. –I assume you want this?

Lilith eyes sparkled looking at the key, it was so close. She walked towards him and was cut short by the tight leash, Sabrina had sat down aside and still held the end of it.

The demons laughed and the dog noises intensified. Lilith closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. She could feel a migraine growing up.

-What do you want in exchange for it?

Lucifer seemed too full of himself when he spoke next.

-I want you to say sorry.

-What?

-For going against me, for taking my tongue, for taking my throne.

Lilith took a deep breath, her life was full of lies, a few more wouldn’t hurt.

-I’m sorry.

He shook his head, smiling broadly. It chilled her to the bone.

-No, I want you to mean it. I know deep inside you still believe the crown should be yours, that my reign is badly managed and that you could do better.

Lilith balled her hands in a fist so strong she almost drew blood. Bastard.

-Come on, we all want to hear it. And then I’ll take it off. –He moved the key in front of her face.

-I. Am. Sorry. –She pressed the words out, only this time it was harder to say them as she felt the true meaning of them dawning on her.

He put the key away.

-I don’t believe you.

Lilith felt tears prickling at the corner of her eyes. She remembered millenia ago when he had promised everything and then only abused and used her for his reign, never full filing his words. She remembered the countless punishments he had given her. She knew he would leave her in the contraption if he wanted to, probably tied up in court as she had done him to the throne. She’d be exposed to all her enemies. She couldn’t allow that to happen.

The former Queen feel to her knees, feeling pain on her legs as she did. Swallowing what was left of her pride she allowed the tears to fall and lowered her head.

-Please, forgive me, Dark Lord. I know I deserve no mercy. –She remembered the words she had uttered months ago, when she failed to get Sabrina to her dark baptism. It hurt so much how despite the time, she was once again in the same position –But please show me mercy. I know I am unworthy of your love but I am begging you…

Her voice broke at the end. She felt him shifting around her and flinched as she saw his shadow above her shoulder. She could no longer control the trembles and sobs that racked her body. It was as if once open, the door refused to close.

She felt his hand on her hair and more tears escaped her eyes.

-Please…

She could no longer see nor hear the other demons, only her beating heart and Lucifer’s hand existed. She felt him around her neck and then with a loud clank the collar fell down.

-That wasn’t so hard. Wasn’t it? –He said patronizingly.

She raised her head, still trembling and softly massaged her neck. She could feel raw skin at some points.

-I said, that wasn’t so hard. Wasn’t it? –He repeated, this time more darkly.

Lilith shook her head.

-N…no. –She mumbled, hating how her voice trembled. She swallowed and coughed a bit. –No, it wasn’t.

The whole court laughed, clearly pleased with her answer. Lucifer still didn’t seem ready to let her go. He was having too much fun.

Lilith looked around for Sabrina, hoping the girl could make some excuse up and get her away. Just say you need me to help you in your research, she thought. But the blonde queen was not in sight. She had left.

Lucifer’s hand on her shoulder brought her back, he was pushing her to sit down in his lap. She squirmed and tried to get away but he only hold her tighter.

-Your son needs to rest. –She tried to argue. She could feel her eyes closing down on her. Exhaustion wanted nothing but to take her over.

-He can rest here. –He replied with a knowing smile.

-That’s not what I…

-Is it what my son needs or what you need?

When she failed to answer he pulled from his pocket a small vial full of the potion he made her take for nutrients.

-Drink this.

Lilith grabbed it with a shaky hand and opened it, dropping the content in her open lips. She gagged from the awful tasted but managed to swallow it all.

She swayed a bit, feeling dizzy and almost fell. She heard the next words Lucifer said as if she were underwater.

-Get out.

She scrambled to her feet, not waiting for him to change his mind and walked as fast as she could outside. She didn’t want them to see her faint. She feared she wouldn’t live to tell the tale.

As soon as she was out she rushed to her room, this time not bothering to hide the fact that she was terrified. She didn’t stop until she reached her room, entered and locked the door.

She barely got to the bathroom when the nausea overtook her. She vomited everything, then fell on a heap on the floor, tears streaming from her eyes.

-Fucking bastard.

She felt the lights diming down, the room closing in on her and the cold stone floor pressing to her cheek. Then she fainted.

**Now**

Lilith finishes eating in silence and at some point Hilda interrupts to leave the healing potion.

-We’ll be waiting downstairs. I’ll put some calming tea, I feel we’ll need it for this conversation.

Zelda nods and Hilda leaves, closing the door softly.

The ginger rises the potion in her hand and looks at Lilith who is retreating to the corner of the bed and eyes the potion with distrust.

-Let’s get this done so we can figure this mess out. –Zelda says and sits in the bed, opening the small tube.

-It is not necessary. –Lilith refuses, closing the blanket around herself.

Zelda sighs, of course giving her the medicine she needs would be the hardest past now that she’s awake.

-You’ll feel better afterwards. –She speaks softly, as if trying to calm a wounded animal. She extends her hand towards Lilith and the demoness reacts violently, hitting her stretched hand.

-I don’t want it. –She says, retreating back, almost hiding in the blanket and Zelda can’t help but think of a cobra or a panther ready to attack.

This is getting out of hand and they only have a few minutes until they speak to the whole family. They need answers and she’d like to have those bruises treated now.

-Too bad, you are at the Spellman’s now and we do not let untreated injuries like that thriving on. –Zelda uses her directrix voice and despises the way Lilith involuntarily shrinks under her voice.

-I…

-Just accept the bloody help you so asked for in the first place.

-I don’t want you to see. –The demoness says from her nest of blankets, where only her hair is barely seen.

Zelda feels her stomach churning in. This isn’t as much a matter of distrust on their potion skills, but of her own pride. She can understand that. She hated when Hilda saw the wounds she had from her time with Blackwood, even if she was her sister and she knew she wouldn’t use it against her. Other people seeing made it too real.

-I already saw. –She doesn’t know what to say, so she settles for a simple fact.

-I didn’t have a say in that. I do now. I don’t want you to see.

-I know you’re in pain, constant pain, I believe this will help you.

-I don’t care. Why are you wasting your time here? We should be interrogating your niece. Or do you not want to hear the truth of what she has to say? –Lilith lashes out, trying to change the subject. She had only wanted a place to hide and the whole helping and caring act unnerves her. She can’t believe that they would actually want to help her so much. So it has to be an act. An act to see her weak points.

-And we will, but first I am treating those injuries, I don’t want you fainting or crying out in pain in the middle of the interrogation. –Zelda is losing her already little patience, she doesn’t want to scream at Lilith and she understands her reasons but they do not have time for it. Why does she have to be so stubborn?

Lilith’s cheeks burn red from indignation.

-I am not a broken doll for you to play nurse with. And it isn’t my fault you feel guilty for throwing your already injured prisoner and need to heal me to feel better with yourself. Now, are we going to have the talk with your niece or what?

-Let me heal you and we will.

They have a stare off competition, neither blinking. Zelda with the healing potion in her hand and Lilith with only her head out of the blanket.

-Fine! –Lilith gives up.

Zelda smiles at her victory but her smirk vanishes from her face when she realizes the way Lilith’s shoulders sag in defeat. She realizes she doesn’t like that look on her.

The brunette lets the blanket fall around her but remains where she is.

Zelda sighs again, begging for patience, and pulls her towards herself.

-I’ll be quick. –She promises, but only gets a defeated sigh in response.

Lilith gives the ginger her back and takes the top off, revealing the canvas of purple and green welts.

Carefully, Zelda doses her hands in the potion and begins spreading on the bigger bruises. Lilith flinches at her touch and whether it is from pain or something else she can’t tell.

-You’ve got cold hands. –Lilith says, and they both know it’s a lie. Zelda’s hands are still warm from carrying the soup but she doesn’t refute this.

She finishes and notices a small scar in the back of Lilith’s neck. She softly rubs it with her potion coated finger and the demoness shrinks away. Zelda is so close she can see the way her muscles tense up in fear of memories.

-You’re done. –Lilith says coldly as she puts the top back, struggling with one arm until Zelda helps her. Neither mention it.

-I still need to do your legs. –Zelda says and silently Lilith complies. She actually feels better on the places the potion is, after weeks of having untreated injuries it is a relief. Even if she refuses to admit it. They finish her legs quickly and Zelda stands up, putting the tube away.

-Can you walk?

-Of course, I’m not a fucking invalid. –Lilith bites back. But softens her tone as she sees the hurt in Zelda’s face. –Yes, I can walk.

She stands up on shaky legs and takes a deep breath, one hand goes to her stomach and flinches realizing her still small but growing bump is there. _It’s your fault._ She thinks as she gives small step.

Then Zelda is at her side.

-It’s cold and late outside. –she says as she passes her a robe. Zelda is still in her work clothes and once again Lilith feels underdressed.

Lilith accepts the robe and half leans on Zelda, breathing in. She smells of coffee and smoke with a tint of vanilla and there are traces of whisky there in her breath.

They walk downstairs where they spot the family around the living room. A hot pot of tea is in the center and Lilith finds herself wanting to drink it. It is very cold.

Hilda smiles at them and motions for them to come closer. Zelda sits in one couch and Lilith seems uncomfortable, leaning against the same couch until Zelda pulls her down.

-Don’t be ridiculous, you can sit down. –She whispers and Lilith does, still very tense and alert.

The rest of the family notice but they don’t mention it. Then Hilda breaks the silence.

-Now that we are finally together and ready to stop with the lies…

-I didn’t exactly lie. –Sabrina interrupts but is silenced by one stern look from Zelda. –Sorry.

-As I was saying we are ready to stop with the lies.

-Yeah this house is full of lies. –Chips in Ambrose, looking at Sabrina.

-So I had an idea, to make certain we are truly getting the truth. –Hilda says and presents them with a small cake. – It should be enough.

-Auntie, what is that? –Asks Sabrina, not recognizing the cake. And Lilith wants to ask too but she doesn’t dare. She feels unwelcomed and as if the space were alien to her. It’s been so long since she was with the whole family, plotting against the devil. Now she is impregnated running from the same devil and trying to out his daughter. Her failure haunts her.

Hilda answers with a smile that makes them all remember that she too is a strong witch not to be messed with.

-My truth cake, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's that, what do you think will happen next chapter?   
> Leave a comment if you liked it! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a nice reading <3

**Then**

Lilith didn’t notice exactly when, but at some point she stopped feeling hunger or thirst. She didn’t feel warm or cold either. The days passed in a blur, she was only ever tired and in pain. She didn’t look at the mirror anymore, for she feared what her reflection would show. She kept to her old dresses or loose robes on her room and felt them going bigger on her, she barely had the notion that it should have been the contrary but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Her body functioned in autopilot. Check soul issues, help Sabrina, do Lucifer’s biding. Wake up, throw up, hide the pain. And at night be quiet and stay still.

She began to cherish the few moments to herself she had left, retreating into a shell of her past self. She spent a lot of her time day dreaming, of what she had lost and what she wanted to regain. Then one day she began to forget what it had meant to be Queen. She tried hard not to, but every day that passed made her memories seem as if they had been lived by someone else.

One day she woke up and instead of wondering about her next action plan to regain the throne she wondered whether her death would be fast and painless or slow and torturous. Maybe she would die giving birth and wouldn’t have to worry about that. Then a ginger midwife crossed her mind. She blinked, staring at the ceiling and feeling the devil next to her and it was gone.

Her hate was what got her through. She didn’t really dream of being with a certain ginger witch anymore, for thinking about her hurt too much and made her ashamed. What would her former high priestess say if she saw her like that? Defeated. She would probably laugh and say something along the lines of “See? You’ve proven me right. Wild card who couldn’t protect herself, much less the whole coven.” No. Dreaming of her wouldn’t do.

Instead her dreams were filled with desire for revenge. When she has at Lucifer’s side she pictured creative ways of ending all of them. She would let the hellhounds rip then to pieces and throw the rests to the burning pits of hell. She would dance in their ashes until they were erased from existence. Then she would scratch their names from history books, effectively rendering them nonexistent. Maybe she could at least kill one of them before her own demise.

A small smile formed on her lips.

-I take it you had a good dream?

The small dropped instantly. She tensed up and shook her head slightly.

-I don’t dream, dark lord.

-Your whimpers at night could have fooled me.

Lilith froze, she made sure of not making any noise every night. Had she failed again?

-I’m teasing you. How’s my son? –He said and without advice put his hand on her stomach where the small bump was beginning to form. It was barely showing in her tiny waste, but he made a show of pulling her towards him so he could feel all of it.

-Has he kicked yet?

-It hasn’t been that long… -She said. It hadn’t been, had it? She had also lost track of time.

He laughed.

-Of course you wouldn’t know about it, you’ve never been a mother. Not in that way. –He said cruelly.

-I think I’d know more than you. It is my body it inhabits. –She said without thinking.

A dangerous light flashed in his eyes.

-It? Did you say it?

Lilith remained silent, knowing she had made a mistake.

-Be careful, you know my heir will have a longer future than you have.

-I know, dark lord. –She responded, her words laced with monotony.

He pushed her aside and got out of bed. She remained laying there, unsure of if he was dismissing her.

-Leave, you’re boring me.

Lilith didn’t wait another second to stand up, she felt a bit light headed for the sudden movement but she ignored it, and closed her robe around her.

-Remember today there’s a lunch buffet with hellish royalty and I expect you to be there.

She grimaced, seeing the hellish royalty was the last thing she wanted to do.

-Of course, dark lord. –She bit back the bile in the back of her throat and left the room. It would be a long day.

On the hallway she was intercepted by a certain white haired witch.

-What do you want? –She asked too tired to fight.

-It’s been some time since our last conversation.

It hadn’t been enough in Lilith’s opinion, she rolled her eyes and kept walking.

Sabrina didn’t take the hint and kept talking.

-I need your help with something. Why don’t you and I take a nice Saturday breakfast tomorrow? Well I’ll eat, you’ll drink those potions.

Lilith pursed her lips in a thin line, she had been hoping to sleep more on that day, and of course Sabrina would kill her plans.

-Do I have a choice? –She asked through gritted teeth. All she wanted to do was lock herself in her chambers away from everyone before the dreaded buffet.

-Not really. –Answered the teen with a sly smile.

-Then I’ll be glad to have breakfast with you, your majesty. –Sarcasm laced her words.

-Good. –She said and turned around. Lilith sighed, relieved to be alone once more when the teen stopped and looked back. –I don’t like what he makes you do here.

Lilith froze, her eyes hardening darkly. Her humiliation was public and she hated to be reminded of it.

-You do a nice show of standing by.

-It’s your own fault you’re on this predicament, I’m just trying to show compassion.

Lilith had to bite her tongue to prevent from saying something that would backfire later.

-You’ll do better standing with me in the end, Lilith. –The teen’s voice had lost its usual warmth, replaced by something cold the demoness recognized by heart. –Just not as my regent, I don’t need one as I am the one true queen of hell. But every queen needs servants and at least I won’t call for you in my bed.

Lilith closed her hands in tight fists, it took every bit of restrain she had left not to punch the smug smile on the witch’s face.

-What are you saying?

-You heard me. See you on the buffet.

The teen left, her shoes the only other sound in the hallway besides Lilith’s harsh breathing. The demoness rushed to her room, her heart still beating fast on her chest. She was livid, angry at the Morningstar’s treatment of her. Were they going to start throwing her between them now? All she knew was she wasn’t sure what Sabrina meant, but she knew it wouldn’t be good.

She locked herself in her chambers, making sure no one had followed and threw herself to her bed. She could feel another headache forming and the nausea coming up. With more than a bit of fear she neared a small calendar on her table. She had allowed herself to get lost on time and that would not do. With a sharp gasp she realized it had been around three months since her new nightmare began. She dropped the calendar, feeling numb and walked to her bathroom on autopilot, emptying the contents of her stomach. 

How little, in the scheme of her existence, yet how much in her nearing death time. The demoness shuddered, letting her face rest in the cold floor. Oh how usual that position had become for her lately, she even had a blanket nearby, being used to long periods of time locked in her bathroom. She covered herself with it, feeling the soft fabric against her skin and closed her eyes.

She decided she wasn’t sure if she could handle more of it.

**Now**

Hilda passes small pieces of the cake around and each grab a piece.

-Is this really necessary? –The teen asks.

Zelda glares her way and she sighs.

-Okay then, but I want to see her eating first.

The eyes turn to Lilith. She holds the cake in her fingers, feeling her hand go numb. She is already full from the soup and looks at Zelda wondering if it is really necessary. The Spellman matriarch nods and Lilith brings the cake to her lips. She forces herself to take a bite. She needs them to trust her. If eating some truth cake is what they need then so be it.

-Can we get to the pressing matters now? –She asks, finding her voice once she has swallowed it.

Sabrina and Ambrose each have a bite as the aunts look.

-We’re set. –Hilda says and sits next to the demoness, who instantly tenses up more and scoops a bit closer to Zelda.

-First question, Sabrina you said you abdicated the crown to stay in the mortal world, but we now learn that you are still Queen. What did you do? What is the connection of this with the time travel Lilith mentioned?

The teen makes a sour face then, but she is compelled to answer by the truth spell.

-I didn’t lie, but I didn’t tell the whole truth either. –She takes a deep breath and prepares herself for the inevitable rage that will come her way. –Just know it wasn’t Ambrose’s fault, I dragged him into this.

-He will answer when it’s his turn. Now Sabrina, what did you do?

-I used the time egg to meet with my other me and so there are two me’s, one that is queen of hell, that’s the one that has been seeing Lilith and there’s me who stayed here in the mortal world.

A deafening silence falls on the room, not a sound can be heard. It’s as if the Spellman house had fell unto a parallel dimension. If looks could kill, Sabrina would be several feet under.

When Zelda speaks, she does it calm and coldly, and somehow it is scarier than if she yelled.

-Elaborate on that.

Sabrina swallows, feeling her mouth dry and continues.

-I don’t see her much, only a couple of times in which she assured to me that hell was fine. She said she’s keeping the demons from barging into earth and conquering us into the tenth circle.

Lilith speaks up then.

-And you believed her?

Sabrina seems surprised. –I… yes?

Lilith could have slapped the girl in that moment.

-Then you are more of a fool than I thought. –She says instead.

-Hey! Wait you thought I was a fool before? -Sabrina counter attacks.

-Yes. –Lilith says and covers her mouth, damn that spell. She needs to be careful if she doesn’t want to spit out more than necessary. –That’s not the point.

-I agree. –Says Zelda, still holding murder in her eyes.

-Sabrina is this related to what happened when your aunt Hilda and I died? You managed to save us all. Yet you never did tell us what exactly happened then.

-It is auntie. I made a bad choice and…

-Sabrina go straight to the point. –Zelda’s voice is like daggers and everyone involuntarily are a bit shaken.

-I chose to follow the infernal regalia challenge instead of being with you and I failed, I failed so badly the world ended and you all died. All but Ambrose. I was brought out of my prison by myself and then used the time egg to travel back in time and save you all. Then I was meant to return to my place as Queen, but I couldn’t do it. I realized I didn’t want that anymore so I intercepted another me before I became trapped and told her she should go and be queen while I stayed here in Greendale.

Sabrina finishes, breathless, having spoken so fast no one is entirely sure they heard correctly.

Everyone stares, confusion painted in their faces.

-Oh and Ambrose figured it out so I had to tell him. For the record he did tell me it was a terrible idea.

-It is! You outwitted yourself with your bad ideas. –Says Ambrose, finally finding his voice to chime in in the carnage that’s going on.

-I mean I though you would realize something was off. –Sabrina says turning to Lilith. –Didn’t you? Have you secretly allied yourself with the other me?

Lilith looks outraged at this.

-I did notice a bit but I didn’t reach that conclusion. And no, I have not!

-Well, what did you do? –Sabrina bites back, crossing her arms defensively

A million memories of her stay cross her mind, none of them pleasant. The spell forced her to speak. Instead Lilith closes her lips tightly, her face turns a sickly green and ends up being sick at the side of the couch.

-Dude! –Sabrina rudely says, while Lilith coughs weakly. –Wait are you okay?

Lilith, clearly not okay, nods with her head and coughs a bit more.

-Sabrina don’t ask stupid questions! –Exclaims Zelda, surprising everyone even herself.

Quickly Hilda makes a cleaning spell and a weird tension falls upon them.

-So…

-That was a strategy not to answer.

-Sabrina…

-I mean, it’s clear she’s hiding something!

-Sabrina!

-Yes auntie?

-She’s not on trial here. You are. –It is Hilda who speaks up and it enough for silence to fall upon the teen and she sits back, still eyeing Lilith with distrust.

Zelda takes a deep breath, wishing she had her cigarette with her.-Ambrose, what did you know of this?

-Sabrina told me a while ago she had created a paradox to create two selves. I told her it was a bad idea but we all know how my cousin here is.

-That’s not… -Sabrina tries to say but a look from Zelda silences her.

-I had no idea of the Queen of hell activities though, I never met the other Sabrina.

-Good. Sabrina, anything to add?

-I still think it is very suspicious Lilith had to throw up right before answering. –Zelda glares. –But I admit I don’t know everything my other self does.

-Lilith what do you have to say?

The brunette looks at everyone and an unconscious hand falls upon her bump, that’s still hidden by the baggy clothes.

-I do admit there were differences between the other Sabrina and this, so I am inclined to believe the two selves theory. It would actually make sense. Especially with the experiments she is doing…

-What experiments? –Sabrina interrupts.

-You are a fool Sabrina Spellman, even yourself has deceived you. –Lilith says with a small smirk.

-Come on don’t talk in riddles now!

-But you are still as ill-mannered as the other you. –She adds, feeling small pleasure in the affront.

-Lilith… -Warns Zelda.

-She is trying to find a way to send people back in time. Are you familiar with the Eldritch Horrors?

As she speaks, Lilith begins to find more confidence in herself. This is what she knows. Give information, make action plans, and fight back. She can find a purpose in being useful after so much time laying down, relaying in Zelda for her basic needs.

-We’ve heard something, but I’m sure you know more than any of us. –Replies Zelda. She had noticed the slight change the brunette’s demeanor and she wants to encourage that.

-Yes. Well, I better tell you then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are nearing the breaking point... or are we? Leave a comment on what you think will happen next!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a while, but here it is. Enjoy! <3

**Then**

There was a time when Lilith enjoyed dressing up, the pretty rhinestones and dreams of a crown, now it felt as if putting on armor and going to a war that had already been lost. This time her main defense was a shiny black creation that left her collarbone exposed. It tied up nicely around her chest, hanging loosely around the waist so that her tiny bump wouldn’t be noticed. It had some black rhinestones around the plate of her chest, as a way of elegant armor. For the finishing touch she allowed her brunette curls to fall freely down her back. There was a knock on her door and she knew it was time. She put on a pair of low heeled boots, on her condition she could barely stand up in high heels, and opened up.

-His majesty send us. –Spoke a low demon. –He wanted to make sure you wouldn’t get lost on the way.

Lilith rolled her eyes and stepped outside, closing her door before they could snoop in. She felt very lightheaded after having spent the whole morning throwing up, but she placed a cold mask upon her face and led the way, not letting the demons touch her.

When they arrived the main hall the hellish royalty was already there. Trying not to shake the demoness walked towards the small hard looking chair on the devil’s side. He barely spared her a glance when she sat down.

Sabrina arrived next, followed by her own new court and sat on the other end of the table.

Lilith avoided everyone’s stares, looking down on a plate she knew would remain empty. She only wanted the buffet to be over. 

The demons said something, they laughed and snickered, some even hurled insults her way but she paid them no mind. She felt numb, counting the seconds until she could leave. Lucifer said some words and Sabrina followed. Something about souls and world domination probably. She looked at his moving lips and thought how pretty the whole room would look set on fire, with the heads of hell’s hierarchy decorating the walls. If she could eat she would take some of them, she didn’t really mind at that point. She used to feast on the flesh of men and demons or not, they were still men.

She was so lost on her own thoughts she didn’t notice silence had fallen upon the room.

-Lilith, I made you a question.

The voice rang on her ears and brought her down of her fantasies.

-I… yes? –She managed to say, feeling her throat absolutely dry.

-So do you agree?

-I… -Lilith had no idea what they were saying. Agree with what? She weighed her options. If she said no she faced severe punishment and she was still not entirely recovered from the past night activities, plus she had the dreaded breakfast with Sabrina the next day. On the other hand if she said yes she had no idea what she was agreeing to. The idea of creating a new apocalypse perhaps? Or some sort of new hellish law?

Lucifer tapped his hands on the table, and glared her way, that was enough for a shiver to travel down her spine.

-Yes, dark lord. –She answered, forcing her voice to remain calm.

He smiled darkly and pulled her from her chair onto his lap, his hands pressed firmly around her middle. She gasped, taken by surprise and the demons snickered, throwing insults and remarks. Once more Sabrina remained silent, instead grabbing a cup of wine. Their eyes connected for a second but all she got was disdain. The demoness recognized in it the look she herself had given many other witches and warlocks in the past, when she was blind and all that mattered was doing the dark lord’s biding.

Lilith tried to keep her cool, even as she felt bile on the back of her throat.

-Now that we’ve cleared up on the fact that I should be nearer my son, let’s begin!

Food was brought by servants, the demoness eyes turned towards the wine bottles and wondered if she’d be able to take a sip before her death.

Lucifer took out the small potion vial and stuck it in front of her face, she grabbed it with a shaky hand and held it in her palm until it became warm. As on cue Lucifer tightened his grip on her waist.

-Drink now Lilith, what game do you think you’re playing at?

She grimaced and opened the vial, being as slow as possible. Lucifer pinched her leg, hard enough to bruise, and she hurried the process. With a stone cold face she poured the liquid in her mouth. She managed not to gag and the devil gave her patronizing pats on her thigh, above the spot he had previously pinched. She bit back a remark and focused on her breathing.

-Stay quiet and I might let you have the weekend for yourself.

-What…

She hadn’t finished her question when she felt his claw like nails scratching her skin beneath her dress. Her breath hitched and she crossed her hands in tight fists to avoid crying out. It hurt so much she thought she might pass out.

On the corner of her eye she saw Beelzebub coming their way. He was wearing a smug smile and seemed too full of himself. Definitely due to her current predicament.

-I couldn’t help but notice you haven’t had a taste. –He held an apple in front of her. –Don’t you want to take a bite?

At his words Lucifer’s grip tightened and she could feel warm blood running down her legs, it would surely leave a stain on her dress. Her armor, she reminded herself and her eyes glazed over the scene she had in front of her. Lucifer’s words played on her mind, she really needed a weekend for herself. Once more the Devil bruised her thighs and she was brought back to reality.

-Speak. –He barked, with a sadist smile. Lilith eyed the apple and knew it was all a game for them. All they wanted was to see her rejecting what she had fought to have. The apple, the food, was a metaphor for power.

The trickle of blood reached her shoes and the demoness decided that the fight was not worth sacrificing her promised weekend.

-I do not need nor want to take a bite. –She said with monotony. –I am fine where I am.

The words hurt her spirit and she involuntarily gazed down after saying them, she rose her head immediately when she noticed but the damage was already done. She had let them see a crack in her armor.

Lucifer caressed her thigh, instead of scratching, the way you do when a misbehaving pet does something right and Beelzebub burst into laughter.

-Now this is good! Glad to see someone managed to put the collar back where it belongs. –He rose his cup of wine towards them and left back to his place at the table.

The Devil kept caressing Lilith’s thigh and the demoness wanted nothing more than to slip away and hide in her room. Once his touch had brought pleasure, now it provoked only revulsion and despair. How had she been so blind? She felt filthy, touched, used.

-Good. –He whispered on her ear, moving aside her brown locks with his free hand. –See you can always be useful to me Lilith…

She rose her head and her breath hitched. Did that mean he would let her live?

-…before your execution.

Her shoulders fell lightly and she hoped he hadn’t noticed. Of course luck was never on her side.

-What? Hoping I’d reconsider? –He caressed her cheek. –Your utility will run out after you give me my heir, my kingdom had no place for traitors. And you know that, you have helped me enable that law so many times.

He kissed her cheek softly, speaking as if they were once again lovers, only to then brutally grab her chin and pull her to his eye level.

-You are nothing but a used up concubine and a traitor. Do not expect more.

-I can give more, I always have. –She whispered sadly, defeated.

He answered by burying his hand between her legs. He didn’t fully touch her, but to anyone looking from the outside it looked as if he had. The message was clear. Lilith lowered her head and focused on staying quiet, ignoring the rest of the room.

After the most torturous hours he let her go. She stumbled to her room, as she could barely stand on her own bruised legs and left a trail of blood on her wake. To top it all, she still had the awful meeting with Sabrina to worry about, but then she thought she would have her first weekend for herself in months. She was looking forward to that.

**Now**

The family meeting extends quite a few hours and the morning birds can be heard when they finally decide to call it a night. Everyone is tired, but a bit more satisfied with the answers, even if they lead to a thousand more questions.

-Tomorrow, we’ll continue tomorrow. –Yawns Sabrina, already heading to her room with Ambrose close by.

-Yeah, good night aunties… and… eh…you. –He tries to say and then settles for an awkward hand wave.

Lilith remains sitting down between the Spellman sisters. She is tired, exhausted, on the verge of fainting, but she feels more alive than she has felt in months. They might actually have a chance of surviving. And with that comes a prickle at the corner of her mind that tells her it won’t last and she shouldn’t get used to it. At the end of the day the Spellman’s will remain a family and she will be thrown away to lick at her battle wounds.

-I should go… -She begins to say as she stands up, holding onto the back of the couch for support. She needs to rest if she wants to be useful. And she needs to be useful. They’ll want her around longer if she is.

-Yes. –Zelda is up in an instant, by her side, surprising the demoness who almost loses her balance from it.

-Wait, sister can I talk to you?- Hilda says, looking sternly at Zelda. They have a stare competition and Lilith can’t help but feel alien to it. It is not like the fights she used to have with the ginger, but rather the bond of two people who have lived forever together and know each other very well, a bond of sisterhood.

Zelda still refuses to move so Lilith gives her a small nod.

-Stay with your sister, I can go on my own. –She says softly, placing a fake smile upon her lips. Be useful, don’t be a burden, she tells herself. Besides what are a couple of stairs? She isn’t an invalid, she can manage.

Zelda look doubtful but she ends up agreeing and doesn’t let the demoness out of her sight until she is up in the stairs and her sight gets blocked.

-What is it, Hilda? –She asks, annoyance dripping from her voice. She didn’t miss the way Lilith’s hands gripped the wall a bit too tight while leaning for support and she is worried.

The blonde witch shrugs uncomfortably.

-When will you tell her?

-Tell her what? –Zelda asks, now confused.

-Zelda, aren’t you seeing someone? And I don’t want to be the one to judge, but whatever it is you have going on with Lilith…

Alert signals blow up in Zelda’s mind. Is she so obvious? She can’t be. Besides she isn’t anything with Lilith… is she? So she settles for a small lie coveted in truth.

-Nothing is going on with Lilith! She’s just a political guest, you should have seen her, poor thing came to me in the middle of the night half dead and begged me to stay…

-Poor thing? –Hilda mumbles but keeps quiet when Zelda sends daggers her way.

-It all changed when I learnt she was with his child. You know she can’t leave now, it’d be too dangerous.

-I agree, but…

-But perhaps you do have a point. Having her in the house could be problematic. In a few days there’s been too much drama. We could move her to the desecrated church, it still has the beds from the other witches stay.

-Zelda that’s not what I meant. –Hilda sighs, why does her sister have to be so stubborn? How is it, that everyone but her can see it?

-What then? The dungeon? –Zelda decides to throw mean options, just to be sure Hilda buys it. –We do have the one where the Greendale Thirteenth were held…

-Zelda no! What happens when Marie comes back and finds out you’ve been on the throes with a demoness?

Zelda freezes, she had absolutely forgotten about the voodoo witch with the last hectic days. She need a quick answer, something to throw Hilda off her track.

-What?! I have not! Do not change things when all I did was… was take pity on a broken woman! A bloody broken mess that arrived fainting at our doorstep. If anything you should be glad I did, seeing she knows so many things. We should worry the moment she doesn’t, a broken wild card is still dangerous and untrustworthy.

She knows that’s untrue the moment she says it. She doesn’t pity Lilith, she sympathizes a bit perhaps, and she definitely admires her resolve to stay alive after all she’s been through. But proud creature as she is, Zelda refuses to be judged by her sister.

In that moment they hear a door closing upstairs and retreating footsteps.

-Lower your voice. –Hilda says with a frown.

-Sabrina this is not the time to sneak out! –Zelda yells, being used to their niece’s escapades even at that time of the night and assuming it’s her.

Then she turns to Hilda, needing to confirm another thing.

-And Marie and I are not a thing.

It’s Hilda’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

-Oh, okay. I’ll make sure to let Lilith know.

Zelda gets angry then, why does Hilda act like she knows better?

-What I do with that demoness or not, is my business. –She whispers deadly to her sister.

-Okay. I believe you. –The blonde witch won’t be fooled so easily.

-For the record there’s nothing between us.

-Okay. –Repeats Hilda with a knowing smile. They stand there, staring at each other for a while until Zelda speaks up.

-I am entirely devoted to Hecate now.

-Okay.

-I mean it! I wouldn’t go for that one. She’s beneath me.

-Everyone is beneath you Zelds.

-That’s right… goodnight! –Being unable to formulate another comeback Zelda turns on her heels, she grabs a bottle of scotch and takes a good sip to calm her nerves. She waits until Hilda is gone to go back to her room, where a certain demoness is waiting for her.

Contrary to what she told Hilda she is worried about Lilith, and she won’t sent her out. That would be too dangerous, for not only the dark lord would be out to get her if people found out she carried the devil’s spawn. Still, she congratulates herself for being a pretty good actress. Definitely fooled Hilda.

She is almost at the top of the stairs when she hears a loud crash down the hall and runs towards the noise. It’s coming from her room.

She barges in and finds her vanity mirror smashed, glass shards covering the floor and Lilith nearby holding a small brush. She freezes the second she sees Zelda and a sharp gasp leaves her lips. She’s wearing a red shade, Zelda notices, seeing tubes of makeup laying on the ground.

In that moment, taking in her destroyed bedroom, Zelda sees red, and momentarily sending the demoness to stay at the desecrated church doesn’t seem like a bad option.

-Do you destroy everything you touch?

The brush slips from Lilith’s fingers and the brunette steps back in shaky legs. She falls against the bed and looks absolutely horrified at Zelda. Her shoulders tremble with unleashed fear. There’s so much panic and dread in her eyes Zelda is taken aback. Instead of shouting, like she usually would, she decides to ask first.

Zelda closes the door and walks towards Lilith, carefully avoiding the broken shards. She wonders what happened, to have left the demoness in such a state.

-What in Hecate’s name is this? –It comes out harsher than she wanted.

Lilith seems to react at that and it’s as if she had broken from a trance. She comes forward with shaky steps, holding onto the furniture for balance.

-I’m sorry–She is trembling softly and she covers her head with her hands, trying to control her traitorous body.

Zelda’s heart breaks at seeing the usually strong and composed demoness like that, but she remains rooted to the ground. Her room is in shambles and she needs answers.

-I’m so sorry.

Lilith gets in her knees with her head down and to Zelda’s surprise when she looks up there a weird shine in her blue eyes. It sends a tingle to her core, but Lilith doesn’t stop.

-I know we fight, I know I lied, I know you have a new deity. –As she speaks she begins to untie the robe she’s wearing. –I know you are now seeing someone, that you do not see me as anything but a pity case. But I am begging you to let me stay here. Don’t send me to the desecrated church for he’ll find me there.

She slides the robe of one shoulder and her pale skin shines in the moonlight. Her brunette curls tumble to the side, partly hiding her face.

-There’s still so much knowledge I can give you, you’re smart I know you want it. I can be useful. And if it is not enough I… -Her voice breaks and her eyes shine now with unshed tears. –I can give you more.

She moves her hair, now beautiful just combed brunette waves, to the side and softly grabs Zelda’s hands, massaging them. As the stunned ginger doesn’t react she keeps going, pressing kiss to the back of her hand.

-I was not blind to the way you saw me before, before you knew who I really was…

Zelda dawns on realization and violently removes her hand from Lilith’s grasp.

-Stop! No! I don’t want that.

She kneels down to her level and her hands rush to raise the robe again as she makes a tight knot at the middle, were she meets Lilith’s small bump, lingering for a few seconds.

Lilith lowers her head, cheeks burning with humiliation. Of course Zelda wouldn’t want her. Her plan has failed and her body is deformed, not the beauty she was when she started in it. She still has her face, but she fears the slaps and hits have deformed it too. She couldn’t stand her reflection in the mirror. Another failure, she hadn’t meant to break it, and now she is ashamed of how out of control her own magic is.

-I’m not sending you to stay at the desecrated church. –Zelda says as she helps the brunette to her feet and they both sit down on the bed.

Lilith’s heart churns violently. –The dungeon then? –She asks with a small voice. She tried so hard to be accepted within this witches and still got nothing. She should stop trying. They are such an ungrateful lot. At least in the dungeon she will survive and won’t have to deal with hypocrisy, she despises being played.

-No, that’s no place for you either. –Zelda’s words cut her inner monologue and surprise her.

They stay in silence for a while until Lilith dares to speak up. She’s afraid she ruined her stay, her usual methods don’t work and she hates how at loss she is. What does Zelda want? More important, why does she care? She tells herself it is because between staying at a dungeon and the Spellman mortuary there is a big difference and she needs to play her cards right if she wants to stay. The information she gave seemed to work, but she already heard the Spellman matriarch. What happens when she runs out of it? Or they decide it isn’t good enough?

Zelda, unaware of Lilith’s train of thought keeps asking.

-What were you trying to do?

Lilith remains quiet, only one silent tear of frustration leaves her eyes but the sight is covered by her hair.

-What were you doing? – Zelda raises her voice and Lilith flinches. Zelda feels a pang in her heart but pushes through. –I thought we were making progress…

-We are. –Lilith says in a small voice. She feels the turmoil on her heart, tearing her apart with nowhere to truly reach. 

Zelda waits for her to elaborate. A couple of minutes ago they were discussing strategies and information and the demoness was fine, or as fine as she could be in her state. Something had to have set her off.

-Magic is a reflection of emotions. –She adds softly, turning her head away from the ginger witch. –I guess I didn’t appreciate hearing about the dungeon.

Zelda frowns, that is another matter they need to address.

-Why were you there, listening? Were you eavesdropping? –Her voice sounds accusing and she can’t help but feel some of her distrust back. What if the demoness was up to something? With a pang Zelda realizes she doesn’t want her to be.

-I almost fell on the stairs, I had to take small pause and I heard you arguing with your sister.

Zelda releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Still the need to defend herself jumps in.

-That was a private conversation!

-You were being really loud, and I hadn’t even made it all the way up. Anyway I heard you say you wanted to throw me outside and I know this is the only territory Lucifer wouldn’t come so I figured I’d change your mind. The mirror was just collateral damage. But don’t worry, I can fix it.

The brunette points to the mirror and whispers something, as if expecting it to put itself together. It doesn’t. She keeps trying for a few seconds, while the ginger witch processes what she has heard. Surely it can’t be?

-Oh. 

Only then Zelda truly looks at Lilith. The way she has fixed her makeup and how she was taking off her clothes. It was like she was used to doing it. Had she worked that way with Lucifer? Not for nothing she was called Satan’s concubine. Her stomach churns at the thought and she feels near throwing up. She isn’t Lucifer and it scares her how quickly the demoness reached that conclusion. It had only been a couple of minutes between her fight with Hilda and returning to her room.

The demoness sighs in frustration and lets her hands drop.

-It doesn’t matter, I... –Lilith continues saying and Zelda interrupts grabbing her forearm and turning her around so they see eye to eye.

-Never, ever, think that you have to trade those kind of “favors” here. I may ask for information, we might fight yes, but never will I ask for your body in that way. You’re not a thing to trade. Do you understand? 

Lilith nods without saying a word, but she doesn’t seem entirely convinced. Her mind is still playing the conversation she heard before. _All I did was take pity on a broken woman._ Is that what Zelda wants? To fix the broken pieces? Worse, that is what she thinks she is, broken. No more her equal rival. And that hurts more than any physical wounds she carries. Well the ginger is in for disappointment, it isn’t fixing what she needs, just a place to stay until she recovers her strength and then… and then what? With a shudder she realizes she still doesn’t have a plan. All she did was run away for one night and…

-Oh, come here. –Zelda says, sensing Lilith’s distress and pulls her into a hug. The brunette is so tense at first it’s like hugging a stiff board. She reeks of fear and distrust, so unused to being hugged she wants to pull away but is too weak to do so.

-I’m sorry too.- The ginger adds and begins rubbing small circles in the brunettes back. Slowly she begins to relax and she has to admit she kind of likes having Zelda’s arms around her. She smells nice, and is soft.

-Let’s get you to bed. I’ll clean the shards now. –The ginger witch says softly. She proceeds to help her to the smaller bed and tucks her in. Lilith frowns at the gesture but Zelda ignores it, caressing her cheek in an almost imperceptible movement. Then she turns around to disappear the shards with a spell. 

It is not until the lights are off, and only Zelda’s breathing can be heard, that Lilith remembers the ultimate thing that had set her off. She looks at the ginger’s sleeping form and she yearns to ask about the woman Hilda mentioned but she feels she has pushed her luck too much so instead the brunette breathes a heavy sigh and closes her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry? Too painful? Not painful enough? Things are falling into place but it still is a very slow burn for these witches...


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am sorry it's taken me so long to update, turns out I made a very very long chapter so now I'm splitting it up. Which means I will be posting the next one very soon. Enjoy! <3

**Then**

Lilith woke up with a silent scream from a nightmare. Her body was drenched in cold sweat and she was trembling like a leave. A wave of nausea hit her and she threw up on the side of the bed. It took a couple of minutes until she was able to regain her breath. She forced herself to remember she was alone, Lucifer wasn’t there and it was her semi-free weekend. Her heart was beating so fast she feared it would leap of her chest. Not even her dreams allowed her to rest. Everything hurt, but she made an effort and moved the covers. The silk sheets fell to the floor and she could see traces of blood, product of Lucifer’s treatments the previous night, staining them and her legs.

-What a way to start the day.

She grimaced to herself and got out of bed. She figured she had an hour to prepare before her meeting with the young queen. She dreaded it, but she refused to be caught unprepared again.

She went to her wardrobe, which was a small room on itself. Elegant dresses hanged of the racks on one side. On the back were most of the human clothes she had brought to hell with herself from her time as Mary Wardwell. She eyed her dark leather coat and wanted nothing more than to put it on. She took it off its hanger and threw it around her shoulders. It still smelled like the perfume she used to wear on Greendale. She rose her sight and a light grey coat met her eyes. Her breath hitched and she took her own coat off. That was not the time for sentimentalities.

Lilith choose a dark red dress with long, dragging sleeves and left it on top of her bed. She loved those kind of sleeves because they helped her hide the growing bump by simply placing the material in front of it. Then she took a steamy bath, trying to wash her imperfections away. She covered those on her face with makeup and a small glamour. She didn’t dare use a full one with the instability her magic had shown recently.

She had just finished putting the dress on when three knocks resounded on her door.

-That would be the queen.

Lilith took a deep breath and mentally readied herself for the breakfast confrontation.

She opened the door and two demons she didn’t recognize stared down at her.

-The Queen demands your presence on her chambers…

-Yes, yes. I know. Shall we?

She tried to advance in front of them and one of the demons dared to grab her arm to hold her back, hard enough to bruise. It seemed she would have to walk in between them. Lilith felt her cheeks burning in humiliation at this, she wasn’t a pet to be held in a tight leash. But of course Sabrina would think otherwise.

They arrived at the young queen’s private chambers where a table was elegantly set for breakfast for two. Clearly it was only for show, as Lilith wouldn’t be able to eat. The blonde haired witch had her back to the door, focused on something on a night table the demoness eyes couldn’t reach.

-Your Majesty. –Greeted Lilith, deciding on a civil approach as she wanted to finish the meeting as soon as possible.

-You can leave, and lock the doors. –Sabrina turned around, ignoring her words, and spoke directly to the guards. Lilith bit her tongue to prevent an awful retort.

_I just need to get this over with._

The white haired queen took her time, adorning her head with the crown that should have been Lilith’s, before addressing the brunette.

-I see you came early.

-Your guards…

-No, its fine, we’ll have more time to talk. I barely saw you at last night’s dinner. My father didn’t seem very fond of the idea of letting you go.

Sabrina smirked and Lilith knew Lucifer’s message had gotten through. Unconsciously her hands rubbed her legs as if preventing an invisible attacker.

-Relax, I told that’s not what I need you for.

Lilith bit her tongue and took a deep breath, counting to ten in her head before speaking.

-What did you call me for?

The young queen pointed to the table and motioned to her to sit down. Lilith did as she was told, sitting with her hands in front of her middle to hide the growing bump, mostly because her legs hurt too much too remain standing up. She was glad she picked a red dress, for the blood will be hidden in case the wounds reopened.

Sabrina moved her hand and in front of Lilith appeared the already known vial with demonic potion. She barely sighed as she grabbed it, almost on autopilot. Once she had drank it, Sabrina resumed her conversation.

-Do you remember the chess guy?

Lilith was startled by this, from all the things she thought she’d be asked that wasn’t even on the list.

-The soul you were meant to drag to hell yet you failed to do so? Yes, I remember.

-Well I was thinking, something didn’t add up. He made the deal at a young age, yet he was an old man when I came.

Lilith remained silent, she had an idea of where things were going and she didn’t like it.

-He used the extensions method too, didn’t he? The one Jimmy Platt had been offered.

Lilith sighs.

-Yes, he used those methods.

-And he got into heaven.

Lilith rose an eyebrow, if Sabrina meant to throw the fault of that to her she had another things coming.

-Are we here to discuss your failures at Queen?

-He got away because you didn’t give me the full information. Don’t deny it, I know you knew it. The way you looked at me when he got away was enough to know.

-Yes, I knew, and no, I didn’t tell you. You have to understand it wasn’t about you making the noble rightful choice, but doing what the throne expected of you.

-You didn’t give me the full information and an evil soul escaped my kingdom. –Sabrina stopped and glared dangerously at Lilith. –That can never happen again. Which brings me to another subject, Mary Wardwell. You gave me a broken gift.

Lilith bit her tongue so hard she drew blood, when Sabrina had crowned her queen she had been so ecstatic she hadn’t hesitated to help her with a few problems, resurrecting the teacher being one of them. How stupid she felt now. The girl never appreciated anything.

-What do you mean by that? Mary was a gift to you. What did you do to her?

Sabrina moves her hand, as if removing an unpleasantness

-It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t matter. What do matters, are her actions. For which you will be held accountable for.

-I haven’t even seen Mary…

-First lie, don’t lie to me Lilith. I know you sought asylum with her too, yet failed. Father has told me all about it. How you allowed her to escape and she went onto causing mayhem.

-What do you mean by that?

Lilith interrupted, almost jumping on her seat. Mary Wardwell was a meek school teacher, if anything she would have been confused and in need of help. For the way Sabrina spoke she had gotten none, hence turning to the false god when she found her.

Sabrina smiled, triumphantly.

-It is awful to be the one in the dark, isn’t it?

The brunette pressed her lips in a thin line, not dignifying that with an answer.

-My father is wrong, you know? You are not a dog chained to a leash, if anything you are a wild dragon.

As she spoke, the white haired witch walked towards Lilith, towering over her. Her hands flew to the brunette’s head, as if trying to pet the waves of hair.

Lilith’s breath hitched and she recoiled back from the young queen, the movement reminded her too much of Lucifer.

-I know your brain is the most important thing of you. All the knowledge you hold. And I will not waste that. Not as he does in only using your body.

Lilith laughed darkly. She felt the need to defend herself, she hadn’t been just the whore. She had been his firs commander, the first among women, the first witch, she was the dawn of doom and devourer of men. Then she stopped, what good had it done to her? All based on fake promises and a death sentence that hanged upon her head.

-You have a limited time for that, or should I remind you my life holds an expiration date?

-That only means I’ll have to learn the most I can until that day.

Sabrina surrounded Lilith, walking until she was standing behind her and put her hands on her shoulders, pressing down harshly.

-But there are a couple of things I want to know and I want your complete honesty, as I need to decide what will be your place in my new regime and whether I can trust you, or not.

Lilith felt her heart beating fast against her chest and said nothing. The girl was as delusional as her father, for the looks of it she was willing to go at war with the devil himself. Oh how useful that would have been months ago.

-How did it truly feel? How did it feel once you realized I wouldn’t be giving the crown to you? How did it feel when my father told you it wasn’t your place to rule? And, how did it feel when you were kicked out of paradise?

Lilith feels her chest tightening as she opens her mouth to answer and no words leave her lips. Her blood boiled. How dare she ask those things? She who had been an active participant in those acts!

-Sorry, still sore subjects? I don’t care, answer the questions.

Lilith took a second and Sabrina send a magical discharge to her arm, it hurt and left a nasty burn behind.

-Sabrina! –Lilith hissed, clearly offended.

-It is your majesty now. –She said coldly and send another discharge, this time to her other arm. –You answer to my father when he asks you, now you need to answer to me.

The queen pressed down harder on Lilith’s shoulders and send another discharge, this time hurting both arms.

-I don’t want to do this, you know I don’t, I just want you to be on my side when the time comes.

Lilith’s arms fell limply to the side, the sleeves going along as her small bump was revealed. It still didn’t look like much, more as she had over eaten, but they both knew what laid underneath.

-You hold my baby brother.

The demoness remained frozen, if Sabrina killed Lucifer’s son she would be left with no leverage. She would die. And she realized then how much instability there was in the realm. It was a mad game of poker, everyone against everyone. The Morningstar’s were plotting against each other and she was in the middle of it.

She needed to play her cards carefully.

-Not by choice.

-You got yourself pregnant.

-To avoid my execution.

Sabrina released Lilith’s shoulders and went back to her seat, where she served herself some tea and infernal cookies.

-This is all tiresome business.

Lilith rolled her eyes backwards when the queen wasn’t watching. That was the whole point of being queen, what did the teen expect?

-If you won’t answer those, get me another one.

The brunette sighed, knowing she wouldn’t be able to evade it and nodded softly.

-What did it feel when my aunt Zelda kicked you out?

The questions jabbed into Lilith’s chest and she had a hard time breathing. How did she know? Nobody had been around, unless Zelda had told the entirely family. She immediately placed a mask upon her face, lest the queen noticed something was wrong.

-Humiliating, degrading and like a full betrayal. –She spoke, removing emotion from her voice as her insides went numb. That moment still haunted her, she often wondered how different things could have gone if the ginger had let her in. it wasn’t her only humiliating betrayal, but it was the most recent and one of the ones that stung the most. Especially because of the feelings she had begun to develop for the high priestess.

Sabrina laughed into her tea.

–And then you went back to your master’s feet. My father tells it as a funny story.

-That’s not how it…

-Never mind, I’m satisfied. Now I know a little something from you.

Lilith looked at the door, wondering if the interrogatory was over so she could leave.

-Oh no! That was only the introduction, come, you have to tell me more about time...

**Now**

Lilith wakes up a couple of hours later, with a searing pain tearing her head apart. A whimper escapes her lips as she curls into a little ball. She bites her lips until she draws blood and that pain distracts her from the other. She lays there for what she thinks is an hour or so, but the concept of time is lately lost on her as wave of pain becomes her only companion.

Then she fells the back of her throat gagging and she barely has time to go to the side of the bed and pick a near bin to throw up.

She lays on the bed, face down, trembling as more retching shakes her body.

She is in so much pain she barely registers a helping hand, holding her hair and rubbing her back.

-Such an elegant morning, eh? –Zelda says, having woken up from the noises the other woman made. She isn’t angry, but she isn’t pleased either, she doesn’t appreciate being woken up. Still she moves to help, telling herself it is because she can’t have vomit on her bed and rugs.

The demoness shakes her head, still holding the bin tightly.

I hate this, she thinks, but her throat hurts too much to speak.

-I know, it is awful. –Zelda says, voice still rough from sleep, as she pries the bin from Lilith´s fingers to clean it up with when she is done emptying her stomach. She then walks to the bathroom, grabs a cloth, wets it lightly and returns to Lilith’s side.

-May I?

The demoness rises an eyebrow but she doesn’t refuse, so Zelda begins dabbing with the cloth at the corner of her lips to clean them up. She also notices the red lipstick from the previous night has smeared around her mouth and there are traces of fresh blood mixing with the color.

Lilith hisses when she tries to clean the blood and only then Zelda realizes there’s a deep cut on her lips.

-What happened?

The small shrug she makes is the only indicator she heard her.

-Lilith…

The woman lays down on the bed, ignoring Zelda on purpose, as memories from previous days flash through her eyes and she feels disoriented. She remembers she made an embarrassing mess of herself the previous night and she hates it. What is worse is that as much as she would like to refuse it, there is a warm feeling in the low pit of her stomach at the thought of the ginger witch helping her and claiming no such favors would be called from her.

She knows she needs water, her throat is so dry and it will hurt if she tries to speak, so rather than waste pained words and more pride, she remains silent and points towards the pillow. I want to sleep, she says with her eyes. It is a lie, but maybe in bed she will be able to dull the pain. She had a troubled night, but she remembers when they cuddled she slept fine, and she can’t help but wonder if, maybe, they could do it again?

Zelda’s brain however has already started planning the day, a busy schedule at the academy is ahead and she can’t allow any sort of oversleep.

-No, we need to get up to discuss strategies. We said we would continue the conversation today, did you forget?

Lilith feels her strength crashing, of course, the strategies with the information she would provide. That’s why Zelda is helping her. The warm feeling twists and churns in her stomach. They need her mind.

She closes her eyes for one second, sighing deeply, oh how she wishes she could stay in bed. Just for another whole minute, just resting in peaceful bliss… Zelda rudely shakes her shoulders, forcing her to open her eyes and then grimace from the sudden pain the movement brought.

-Don’t fall sleep on me now. We are expected downstairs. – Zelda then turns around and walks to her closet to get dressed.

Lilith remains lying in bed, in too much pain, both physical and emotional, to move. She doesn’t want to tell Zelda, _she already thinks I´m broken, what would she do if she knew about this?_ Instead, Lilith sits up and pushes through the pain, trying to rebuild her emotional walls back up. She sees dark spots flying in front of her eyes but she ignores them, instead attempting to tame her wild hair.

Zelda comes out, looking elegant and ready for the day with her directrix ensemble.

-What are you doing still there? Come on, hurry up!

Lilith nods and puts her feet off the bed, her left hand in a tight fist while she uses the other for support on the bed.

Zelda, famous for her little patience grabs Lilith by her arms and pulls her up. The demoness bites back a whimper of pain and places a stoic mask on her face but her eyes betray her.

Finally understanding something is wrong, Zelda lets her sit down and Lilith almost collapses on the bed.

-You have to tell me what’s wrong.

Lilith shakes her head and places a fake smile on her lips. Once more, she is cornered, but this time she won’t give in.

-I´m fine. –The lie slips out of her lips with ease, but on her throat it feels as if a hundred of infernal daggers are having a scratching competition.

-Don’t lie to me, you insult my mind if you think I will fall for that. –Zelda is annoyed, and a bit hurt that even after the previous night, the demoness still won’t tell her the truth. Even is this truth is related to her health and not strategies.

-I´m fine, just had a rough sleep. –Lilith insists with a raspy, airy, weak voice.

-I can’t help you if you lie. –Zelda says more forcefully, trying to push her to answer.

-I don’t need help! –Lilith yells back with more force than intended and closes her eyes as her migraine hits violently. Then she adds so softly Zelda doesn’t hear.–I am not your pity case.

The ginger witch purses her lips on a thin line, clearly fed up with Lilith’s behavior. She has a too busy day to waste more time arguing with a stubborn demoness

-Fine. –Zelda says coldly, folding her hands in front of her chest. If that’s how Lilith wants things to be, she’ll respond accordingly. –I will be going to the academy today, I have duties as High Priestess and I can’t spend my whole day with you. Since you refuse to move or have breakfast I’ll be back at night, and we will continue the strategies then. So just stay here wallowing in self-pity or whatever it is you enjoy doing. It is almost as if you enjoyed being in pain.

In self-righteous anger the witch turns around and leaves the room and leaves a very stunned and disgraced demoness in the middle of forming a word.

-Water. –Lilith whispers when she is alone and she knows Zelda won’t hear her, then the pain is too much and she refuses to speak. _I just want a little water._

She lays back in bed and slowly pulls the covers around her, hiding and curling into the same little ball as before. The fabric still feels warm against her cold and clammy skin, enough to lure her into a sense of comfort in the middle of her makeshift nest.

Downstairs Zelda huffs in annoyance as she sees Hilda has put an extra chair next to her spot on the table. Sabrina is devouring her breakfast, late for school and Ambrose is nowhere to be seen. It seems has been convenient mutual agreement that the family meeting will be held at night.

-You can take it away Hilda, she won’t be joining us this morning. Morning sickness is being a bitch. –Zelda starts, sitting down.

-Poor dear, I can take it later if…

Zelda cuts her off, suddenly annoyed at the thought of Lilith confiding on Hilda and not her.

-She is not a patient, sister, don’t forget who we are dealing with. We give her asylum and she provides us with information.

-I don’t know much about pregnancies, not as much as you do aunt Zelda, but I do think food is essential for her to be in good or at least decent shape and help us.

Sabrina surprises all with her words. They stare at her in silence.

-What? She did help me and I didn’t help her, I didn’t even tell her He was back… -Sabrina interrupts herself and stands up, taking a deep breath before continuing. –I just think we need Lilith in our side. And now I will be leaving for baxter high, my friends are probably waiting for me.

With those words Sabrina leaves the kitchen, breaking the small moment and leaving the two sisters alone.

Her words resonate on Zelda’s brain. Does Sabrina partly feel guilty for Lilith’s situation? She feels her gut twisting. Nobody knows, but if there is anyone to blame it is herself, she was the one who rejected the former queen in her time of need. Her protective bone jumps and she feels angry at Lilith for putting Sabrina in that situation. Then she realizes it is herself she should be angry at, if she had let her stay…

Hilda’s words cut her inner monologue.

-She is right, you know? Whatever pride beef you have with Lilith has to stop. –Hilda says, trying to be conciliatory.

-Tell that to her. I know she isn’t alright, but she refuses to talk about it and I can´t help her if she doesn´t speak up.

-Doesn’t she remind you of someone? –Her sister says knowingly.

-What are you talking about? –Zelda frowns, feeling the need of a cigarette.

Hilda hums softly and cuts a piece of cake in a small plate, then adds fruit and fills a glass with water.

-Go have your day at the academy, sister, they need you. I will handle the mother of demons today.

-I don’t think that´s a good idea.-Zelda says, then she stops. She already has told Lilith she would be leaving, caught in her rash impulse. How does that woman always get the better of her? Even as she lays injured in her room she manages to get under her skin. –I… I was just going to leave a locking spell on my room.

-Zelda, don’t do that, she’s already injured. Where would she go?

-I still don’t think that’s wise.

-This family isn’t made of wise actions, it’s made of brave ones. –Hilda says with a smile.

-That doesn’t sound half as good as you think it is.

-Just go, I’ll make sure she is up for tonight. You forget I too know a lot about pregnancies.

Zelda gives her a look of distrust but finally gives in. She eats the rest of her breakfast and finishes with her morning cigarette.

-Call me if anything happens. –Are her partying words, as she stands outside the house and her eyes go to the window of the room she knows Lilith is in. She really doesn’t want to leave, but her responsibilities as high priestess come first. –I mean it, anything.

Hilda assures her everything will be handled and once Zelda is gone, she readies herself to approach the demoness staying at her sister’s room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sabrina the queen is really awful, but we have Hilda & Lilith interaction for the next chapter! Do you think she'll tell her about the other woman? Or will Lilith dare to ask? And will Zelda ever gain some patience? Feel free to drop some guesses! ;)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm here with a new chapter. Enjoy and have a nice reading! <3

**Then**

The day passed in a blur, instead of locking herself in her room and taking a warm bath, as she had meant to do, the demoness was forced to stay with the usurping queen. Helping her, as she tried to ignore the growing pain in her body. It was tolerable, as Sabrina at first seemed to be more focused on her plan than annoying Lilith. Of course that did not last.

Sabrina stood up and paced around the room, grabbing some papers from her desk. Lilith made a move to follow her, to assure she got the right ones, and Sabrina rose her hand to stop her.

-There’s no need for you to stand up. Just stay there and keep talking. You’re no regent, just my advisor. You know, my own sentient bit of information.

Lilith bit back an internal groan. The nerve of her! Yes, her body was in constant pain and she was glad she didn’t have to stand, but she despised being treated as an invalid. And she was painfully aware to the changes on her and her new position in court, she didn’t like being constantly reminded of it.

The queen noticed this and continued, enjoying the effect her words had on the brunette.

-What? Does it bother you when I address you in such a way? You are the one who pretended to be a teacher in the first place. Maybe I should call you than, eh, Miss Wardwell?

Lilith pictured herself slapping the smile right of her face. Instead she faked a dark smile on her face.

-I was under the impression she was your favorite teacher.

-She was! –Sabrina rolled her eyes. –Now you are, because she can’t teach me anything useful anymore.

Lilith suppressed a shudder. That only confirmed what she already knew. She would only be in a relatively good place while she was useful. The second her utility ended so would her purpose and her life under the new regime.

-I see.

-Think of it this way, your information is your currency with me. Oh don’t look at me that way, it must be better than with father. What’s your currency with him nowadays? I know it used to be sex and doing his biding. Now, is it being his punching bag?

Lilith bit her lips, knowing Sabrina was trying to get a reaction out of her. She breathed deeply and closed her eyes, fighting the nausea that wanted to appear.

-We are divagating.

-No, consider this my weekend amusement. –Sabrina laughed. –You of all people should know, hell can be dreadfully boring.

Lilith tried to change the subject, tired of the mocking on her expense.

\- The theory of time is complicated, how do you expect me to help you when all you have are broken ideas and impulse magic? You need a…

-No. –She interrupted. –That’s not what I called you for.

Sabrina seemed to consider it for a second, she scribbled something down and returned to Lilith’s side. She made a show of strolling towards her, only to tower behind Lilith in a similar manner to how Lucifer used to do.

-So we move onto the field, I did tell you the other day my experiments had begun.

Lilith scowled, that humiliating day was still fresh in her mind and she carried some scarring on her neck.

-Indeed. –She said, as her face hardened under Sabrina’s smirk. –So where will this be?

Sabrina smirked even harder, one of her hands tangled on Lilith’s brunette curls and she gave a sharp pull. Lilith fought back, struggling and hitting her hands. The movement exposed the small scar on her neck and the queen placed a cold finger over it. The demoness stopped moving, for a few seconds only her angry breathing could be heard.

Then the queen broke it, keeping a light voice as if it were all a game to her.

-Well you’re not exactly going to the field, I don’t trust you enough to be near my experiments yet. You still spend much time with my father. But you will correct them. Think of it as long distance work.

She let go of Lilith’s hair and the demoness automatically moved away from her. Sabrina raised her arms in a parody of mock surrender that would have made Lucifer proud and pointed to the chimney. She kept a smile that did not reach her eyes. Instead, her face screamed murder at she stared at Lilith’s small bump. It was no secret the queen did not appreciate her future brother, but Lilith felt she might have been oblivious as to how much she hated it.

And so, they sat near the fire as the queen narrated her series of failures and showed Lilith her various artifacts, wondering where she had gone wrong. With patience Lilith didn’t know she had, she corrected all her basic mistakes. Mostly the young witch was too disorganized and impulse driven, giving way to procedure mistakes. Which was fortunate as Lilith did not want to know what would happen if she actually mastered the art of time travel.

Hours had passed when Sabrina finally called it a day, satisfied with her findings.

-You may leave now. I have new things I wish to try. –She said without even looking at her.

Lilith stared at her, unsure of if she really meant it or was she playing her.

-Go, enjoy your weekend or what’s left of it, and don’t let the nausea keep you. On a second thought, do that, it probably means the little would be usurper isn’t doing well.

Lilith scrambled to her feet, shivering lightly despite the fire and left without a second glance. Sabrina’s words haunted her. She knew she only spoke out of spite, but what if the pregnancy was going badly? Lucifer would not be pleased. Her life depended on the parasite being alright.

-You better be growing steady for all the shit you put me through. –She whispered to her bump as she walked away.

She felt immense relief when the queen’s room was finally out of sight. The war between the Morningstars would kill her before her execution date arrived.

-Brat. - She muttered lowly, only for herself as she knew walls had ears and she couldn’t risk being heard.

She had not have a weekend for herself ever since lost the throne. Even when she was still regent, she always had to clean up Sabrina’s messes.

For a second she was scared, what if it was a trap? She would walk in front of the throne room, Lucifer would call for her and her weekend would be terminated. It wasn’t even a full weekend, she only had a day left. Or worse, some other demon could decide to enact vengeance on her and attack again. No, she needed to stay away from the throne room and main halls.

Lilith decided to go for a walk around the infernal gardens, she hadn’t been there in ages and it was one of her favorite places of the infernal palace. It reminded her of the forest, of the few places where she felt free. That was one of the reasons she had adored Mary’s cottage. It was in the forest, in the middle of nowhere. There had been no one to make questions or intervene if she went for a midnight stroll. Well no one until Adam... she shook her head and forced those thoughts to leave her mind.

She was exhausted by the time she returned to her chambers, but she felt a little bit better. She had ended up sitting in the gardens and lost track of time. There hadn’t been much of walking, as she could feel her injuries protesting with every step she gave. Still, just leaving the enclosed space for a second had felt so good.

-Maybe I just need to go out more.

She laughed to herself darkly, she couldn’t leave. The mere idea was preposterous. And yet the seed had been planted around her mind.

_Nonsense, I will birth this thing and decide what comes next_ , she thought, as she entered her room and locked the door.

She took off her day dress and threw it to the floor. She didn’t have the energy to properly hang it. Then she kicked her shoes off, almost moaning at the relief her body felt by being set free. Her clothes felt too heavy on her. She massaged her scalp, her head hurt where Sabrina had pulled it, a new pain to add to the collection.

She could feel the dry blood in her legs, and almost all of her body was throbbing painfully. What a purple, green and red painting her body must look like, she thought as she refused to look at herself in the mirror.

Using her furniture for balance, as she felt she might just pass out from exhaustion, she went inside her bathroom. There she poured warm water, she at least had that, and sat inside the tub. She didn’t have bubbles, but the heat was enough to lull her into a calm state of relaxation. The water tinted pink from her blood and she allowed it to wash away her pain. Almost without noticing she drifted off.

Lilith woke up hours later, the water was already cold and she was shivering. She grabbed her towel, and stumbled out of the tub.

-This fucking place…

She felt dizzy as she walked towards her wardrobe and chose a light nightdress to sleep in. It had long sleeves and the fabric was extremely soft, very thin and airy, feeling almost as if she wore nothing. It didn’t provide much heat, but it also didn’t rub her injuries. It was also one of the few pieces of clothes Lucifer had never seen on her.

Sitting on her bed, Lilith summoned her hairbrush to her, the small spell tired her but she figured since she was about to sleep it didn’t really matter. She took her time, untangling the bird’s nest she had on her hair, and her mind drifted off as her movements became mechanical.

Once more her thoughts flew to other possibilities, allowing herself to wonder over what she would be doing had she not been caught by Lucifer, or if she still were queen. She imagined herself side to side with the coven, with Zelda, Lucifer’s severed head on the floor and the crown upon her head. She allowed herself to dream, and then punished herself for the same fantasies.

-Stop. Live in the present. Work with it.

A big yawn took her, and she threw her brush towards her table, not wanting to extenuate herself more with magic.

-Okay, maybe dream a little. Maybe tonight it’ll be a decent one.

Lilith sighed, hiding and curling under the sheets and allowed exhaustion to take her.

**Now**

Once Zelda is gone, the blonde Spellman goes upstairs and knocks on the door a few times.

-Good morning! I come bringing food, some delicious cake and fruit, Zelda told us morning sickness was hard and you need to stay strong.

She gets no answer, but that was expected so she opens the door and enters. From her spot she can see a nest of blankets on top of the smaller bed with a small bump in the middle.

Under the blankets and pillows the demoness is in absolute agony. She regrets sending Zelda away and curses her pride for not allowing her to ask what she needed. On the other side it is the first time she is able to endure her pain without having to hide it, or fear someone attacking her. Yes, she doesn’t entirely trust the Spellman’s but they are no hell. She has been allowing herself to whimper freely and relishing being able to make sound, even if it hurts her throat.

Which is why she freezes the second she hears the bubbly witch’s voice. She had thought she would have the entire day to suffer at peace underneath the blankets. They smell like Zelda and that makes her feel safe.

Hilda approximates her the way one does a dangerous wounded animal, holding the food in front of her as a peace offering.

-I brought fruit and water, don’t you want some?

Silence. Lilith bites her lip, drawing blood again, and regulates her breath to pass as sleeping.

-Okay, I will leave it nearby so you can get it whenever you feel like it.

Hilda leaves the plate on the vanity table but keeps the glass of water in her hand, as she nears the bed and sits on the side of where the human, or demon, sized bump is.

-At least have some water? I know for a fact you haven’t had a sip this morning and your throat probably hurts after all the throwing up.

Finally a brunette head surfaces from the blankets. The demoness looks miserable and Hilda feels her heart clenching. She remembers the scars and bruises in her body and a shiver traces down her back. Poor dear.

She extends the glass of water towards her and Lilith’s eyes betray her, telling how much she desires that water but contrary words leave her mouth.

-I already told your sister and I will tell you again, I don’t need your help. –She mutters stubbornly with a broken voice.

Hilda places the glass of water in front of her lips. Zelda and Lilith might both be too stubborn to accept help when needed but that doesn’t mean she can’t try.

-Take a few sips and I’ll go.

-Don’t be ridiculous.

Hilda remains in her position, Lilith sighs and with a shaky hand grabs the glass. She takes it to her lips and gulps it down in two sips. She’s so thirsty it doesn’t fully calm her throat, but she immediately feels better.

-Better, right?

Hilda speaks and reminds her she is not alone, feeling her privacy invaded Lilith shrugs.

-It’s nothing.

-There’s more in case you need it, I put a spell on this glass so it will always refill.

Lilith raises an eyebrow, seeing the glass full of water again, without saying a word she drinks again, and again, and again, until she feels her belly full and her throat doesn’t hurt anymore. She even feels a bit better. She returns the glass, full once more, to Hilda without making eye contact.

Now that her bare needs have been met, and the pain is receding, another question prickles her mind. The fight she overhead last night is fresh on her mind, and she is so tempted to ask Hilda about the other woman apparently Zelda is dating.

Hilda senses something is off and grabs the plate of fruit, full of grapes and apple slices, placing it in front of her.

-You need to eat something, you’re almost skin and bones!

However Lilith’s stomach turns at the sight of food, her face flushing a pale green. Bad idea.

-I doubt anything I eat will stay inside, so why bother?

Hilda sighs.

-Have you eaten anything after last night’s meeting?

Lilith shakes her head and lays back down on the bed, pointing to the door on a clear sign of asking Hilda to get out. If she’s alone she’ll have less temptation to ask.

The bubbly witch ignores this, instead eating a small grape.

-How about any pregnancy cravings? Will you eat if I get Zelda to bring you those?

Lilith gives her a weird look and the words escape her mouth before she can hold them.

-A what? –She clears her throat. –I mean, why would she bring that?

-You mean you haven’t been having those? Surely your baby asked for something?

Lilith frowns, truth is she hasn’t really eaten anything in months but she won’t tell that to Hilda. The Spellman’s haven’t earned that trust yet.

-Hell is not known from its cooking. –She replies instead, keeping her tone cold. –And it clearly doesn’t like me eating, nothing stays down for long.

Hilda looks confused at “it” but she grasps the concept quickly and drops that subject.

-Maybe we need to change tactics. –She stands up and Lilith thinks she will finally leave, instead Hilda smiles softly at her and extends her hand. –Want to help me at the kitchen? Maybe something will pick your interest there.

Lilith scoffs, pulling the covers around her body.

-I’d rather stay here.

-Come on, you can’t stay in bed all day and Zelda is away at the academy for the full day.

The brunette ignores her, deliberately looking away.

-You do know you don’t have to wait for her in her room. –Says Hilda, knowing it will hit a nerve.

This time Lilith hisses at her, annoyed by her assumptions.

-I am not waiting for anyone. –She defends herself, and crosses her arms over her chest.

-Then why won’t you leave that bed? Are too exhausted and sick to do so?

The former queen of hell is practically fuming at this point. Now it seems she’s either too weak to move or waiting for Zelda, and she can’t stand either option. How did Hilda manage to get her on that situation? She’s supposed to be the soft sister!

-If I agree to go with you downstairs will you shut up?

Hilda nods, her short blonde hair moving along.

Lilith groans and removes the covers, silently begging for her migraine and nausea to stay away. Her eyes fall on the tube of healing potion she used the other night and for a split second she considers asking for that before moving, but then her pride wins and she only bites her tongue as she sits up and sways her legs from the bed.

-Lead the way. –She says, grabbing the bed for support while one hand unconsciously grabs her belly.

Hilda notices and remembering the way Zelda helped her the previous night she helps her walk without saying a word. On her side Lilith feels dismayed, Zelda helping her is one thing, now having her sister do so is making her wonder how many hits her pride can take. As they reach the kitchen she wants to ask about the mystery woman, but decides she has humiliated herself enough for one day. The last thing she needs is Hilda making ridiculous theories.

As Lilith sits down near the counter Hilda moves around, taking out vials and herbs. Lilith enjoys the silence and places her head on her hands, trying to get a bit more of rest. She stays there for a while, none of them saying anything while Hilda works on something the demoness doesn’t bother to see.

-Drink this. –Hilda says as she places a green concoction in front of her.

Lilith looks at her annoyed and rises an eyebrow as she pushes the glass away.

-I told you I am not hungry.

Hilda, without missing a beat, pushes it back towards Lilith.

-It’s not food, it’s a potion meant to accelerate the healing of wounds. Cell regeneration. Also it helps with pain.

Lilith freezes. Of course Hilda knows about her wounds, she and Zelda saw her when they changed her clothes before. A faint blush reaches her cheeks and she lowers her gaze, closing her hands in small fists. Yet another shame and weakness she wasn’t able to hide.

-It’s not your fault. –Hilda’s voice sounds soft, as if trying to calm her down.

-What?

-What happened to you, it is not your fault.

-How do you…?

-I know the type. And it isn’t her fault either.

Lilith remains silent. She could of course disagree on both accounts, but she feels she would be on the losing side.

-What do you mean?

-It is not my place to say, but if she ever wants to tell you, she will.

The demoness stares at her for a while, until finally she gives in, grabs the concoction and gives a small sip, it tastes like strong honey with a tint of orange and ginger. She has to admit it is not that bad and Hilda was right, pain is diminishing and she believes for a second she could walk without needing support but she won’t try that theory.

-What was in that?

-Just a little recipe of mine, a witch must always be prepared.

Lilith nods softly, crossing her legs over the chair and suppresses a grimace of pain.

-On that we can agree.

Hilda smiles, satisfied at this small win and moves to begin cooking lunch.

-Now we need to wake up your appetite, how do you feel about chicken?

-I used to eat men. –Lilith deadpans. This does not discourage Hilda.

-How about raw meat then, could that work? We have the embalming room downstairs. I am not one for cannibalism but I do know Zelda sometimes likes it.

Lilith was about to agree but frowns at the mention of the ginger’s name.

-I really don’t…

-Oh, I know!

Before Lilith can finish refusing Hilda is already pulling a small box from one of the shelves.

She opens it and a sweet smells fills Lilith’s nostrils.

She leans towards the box and sees small cookie like pastries in various colors. Her stomach grumbles and she is suddenly aware of how hungry she is.

-Go ahead. –Hilda says, encouragingly. –I made a full batch a while ago and I can make some more.

Tentatively Lilith reaches and grabs one between her fingers, delicately as if she feared it were radioactive. She sniffs it and her stomach growls louder, it smells delicious. She makes a small bite and almost moans at the taste. The crust is light, chewy and the right kind of soft, the taste almost melting in her lips. For a small second she feels like everything is right and she is safe. Then she swallows and the small moment is over.

Lilith opens her eyes, she hadn’t realized she had closed them and licks her lips before devouring the rest of the pastry.

-I think we found your cravings. –Hilda laughs as Lilith reaches to grab another. –Lavender macaroons.

-You said you would shut up. –Lilith reminds her halfheartedly, too distracted by the pastry to put real poison in her words.

Hilda raises her hands and goes back to her cooking.

Lilith ignores her, enjoying her small meal. Times passes until she remembers the blonde witch usually has a job at the mortal world and she needs to ask about it.

-Don’t you have a job to be at? The comic shop?

-Well yes, but… -Hilda cuts herself short with a sorry smile and Lilith understands immediately. Her mood darkness and she places a half-eaten macaroon on the table.

-I see, someone had to keep an eye on the intruding demon.

-That’s not it.

Lilith however, is not having it. She sees red and feels the need to lash out at the blonde witch.

-What is it then? Prison guard or baby sitter?

-Calm down.

-I am calmed! –She screams, losing control.

Searing pain blows on her head and Lilith falls forward on the table, seeking its coldness and darkness.

Hilda is instantly at her side soothing her back and asking what’s wrong.

-It’s the parasite. –She croaks out, holding her head with both hands and closing her eyes. At least Zelda isn’t there to see her weakness. From a tantrum to being in pain, she must look pathetic.

-Hey, hey take it easy. –Hilda speaks softly and helps her to the couch on the living room. –Just get some rest, there are some books here and I’ll handle the meal.

Hilda moves to turn away and weakly Lilith grabs her hand on impulse.

-Wait! Who is she? –She asks with unfocussed eyes.

-Who? –Hilda stops, confused. She looks at the point Lilith has set her eyes on but sees nothing.

-The woman… -Lilith whispers, closing her eyes as the question dies on her lips. _The woman you told Zelda about._

Hilda stares at the now unconscious figure of the demoness laying on the couch. She is about to call Zelda on the mirror when she stops herself. She knows Zelda will be mad and worried if she finds out. She turns the mirror down and places a blanket over Lilith.

-Sorry sister, I will handle this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is! We are so close to reaching Lilith's starting point in the story! And of course the Hilda and Lilith interaction, as promised. What did you think of it? Too soft? Too harsh? Will Zelda be more mad or worried when she finds out? Lemme know your theories in the comments! <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know I took a while to update and I'm sorry 

**Then**

Lilith woke up with scream stuck on her throat. The room was dark, so dark she couldn’t see anything at a palm of her face. She blindly reached around and tried to sit up. Her body screamed in protest at the movement. The demoness laid back down with confusion, she knew she had been hurt but it shouldn’t hurt as much.

She couldn’t see, but her ears functioned perfectly. She heard footsteps outside and tensed up. Lucifer had promised to leave her alone for the weekend so she knew whoever was out there meant nothing good. Probably more demons wanting to get retribution on her again. Lilith remained silent, hoping if they thought she was asleep they would leave soon. They didn’t, as the noise in her door increased, turning into rattling the doorknob.

-Fuck off. –She screamed at the nothingness. It was all she could do.

The rattling stopped, she was closing her eyes ready to go back to sleep when it back with a vengeance. Lilith covered her ears and buried her head in her pillow, trying to make it stop. The noise was so loud it was making her head hurt. She could feel the beginning of one of her infamous migraines.

-Leave me alone! –Lilith screamed again and the light turned on.

It wasn’t much, rather a dim reddish glow, but it allowed her to see. She wished she had a candle on and a candlestick she had nearby lighted up, making her jump. She hadn’t been able to use fire magic since her draining pregnancy began, it took too much of her. In that instant however, she didn’t feel drained. Or perhaps she was too constantly drained to notice.

-Uh…

She said out loud and testing her magic, she motioned for a book in her desk to come to her. To her pleased surprise, it did.

Figuring she wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore, the demoness opened the old volume, settling for a late reading. Her eyes flew over the first pages but the letters danced to her eyes. She moved forwards and all the book was like that. As if someone had blurred the words. Had someone enchanted her reading materials? That was a petty move, even for demons.

To prove her theory Lilith summoned another book and a scroll of hellish documents, figuring they wouldn’t dare tamper with that at least. Opening the book she found more blurred words and threw it aside in frustration. Then with trembling hands she took the scroll and untied it. To her dismay the words and numbers there were also floating, lost in the paper. Had they enchanted her own eyes instead? Or was she truly going crazy?

-If this is a joke, you’ve had your fun. –She spoke to the air. –You can stop now.

She was met with dead silence.

-What’s the point? Can’t you wait until morning to torture me?

Her stomach churned at the thought of morning, she didn’t want to spend more time there. Subjected to the Morningstar’s will and the infernal court’s offences.

She made an effort to get out of bed, fighting the pain that coursed through her body. The stone ground was cold and she almost jumped back to bed the second her feet touched it, but she held herself up. She needed to see who was behind the door. Whether it was Lucifer, the kings, or some minor demon trying to be brave and being stupid.

-What the fuck?

The words slipped Lilith’s lips as she reached the door and noticed the doorknob was gone, vanished, as if had never existed. The rattling started again, as if someone from the outside was trying to break in and startled her. The demoness lost her balance and fell back on the floor.

-Just leave! You will not be entering tonight. –She yelled forcefully, as fear gripped her veins like cold ice.

From her position in the floor she felt cold air entering under the door, it manifested as a red fog, and it was laughing loudly.

-So this is what you dream about? Pathetic. –Lucifer’s voice sounded in her ear. –Almost as pathetic as you.

She could feel his grip in her arms, pinning her down, and she closed her eyes not to see his face.

-You were never enough, not for me, not for the crown and most certainly not for your little coven. –He whispered harshly on her ear as Lilith struggled to get out of his grasp.

-You know? I don’t think the wait is worth it… -And she felt his goat feet over her stomach, pressing down. It hurt so much she thought her skin would burst open and she would lay a remain of bloody, unrecognizable parts…

Lilith opened her eyes to her dim room, it wasn’t total darkness but it wasn’t like before either. _Fuck._ She thought with her heart racing in her chest. For a second she had thought that would be it. _Fucking nightmares._ At least she was awake, she reasoned, but as she tried to move she realized her brain would not yet let her be.

She felt a weight on top of her, crushing her down, and a presence behind her. She tried to move but she was stuck. She couldn’t go forward, or behind, or to the sides. And the weight got more and more heavy every second that passed. Would she die as in her dream?

Tears came into her eyes.

_I need to move, I need to move, I need to move._

She thought like a mantra, but her body refused to listen to her and she felt a pair of hands reaching towards her neck, choking her, and she couldn’t breathe.

_I don’t want to die here, it hasn’t even been born yet._

She gasped for air but it wouldn’t come. She felt the pressure pilling in her mouth and she let out a silent scream. It was sucking her dry. Tears spilled down her cheeks. That was all Hell had ever done to her. She hadn’t been enough to be Queen. So Hell did what it did better, suck her dry.

_I need to leave, I need to leave, I need to leave._

Lilith felt her consciousness slipping away, fighting every second of it. One thought engraved in her mind.

_Leave._

Lilith woke up in cold sweat. The night was freezing and she felt it in her bones.

**Now**

The first thing Hilda does is placing a blanket over the unconscious form of the demoness. It won’t do any good to anyone to get her sick on top of it all. She isn’t even sure if demons can get sick, but checking the woman’s long run with bad luck, better be sure.

It takes a couple of hours for Lilith to wake up, in which Hilda desperately readies more replenishing potion, cooks and eats lunch.

When Lilith does wakes up she accepts more potion and asks for some pain medication Hilda offers, chugging it all down without a second thought. Her dream was more of a memory, and it had shaken her up. Ultimately it had been what drove her away from Hell and into the Spellman’s house. She remembers before fainting she wanted to ask something, even though it is a bit fuzzy in her brain.

-And the woman? –She manages to ask.

-Who? –Responds Hilda while holding the glass of water for her.

Lilith looks away and lets it pass, instead asking for more pills. Maybe if she takes enough, it will stop hurting, she thinks. Hilda gives them to her, not knowing how to answer more questions.

After more pills than a human would tolerate, she feels good enough to stand on her own. Which she does, telling Hilda she will be at the upstairs if she needs her. Her questions about the woman buried deep in her mind.

Lilith stumbles towards Zelda’s room, her head is spinning but she is stubborn enough to not ask for help. She manages on her own and she can’t help the smirk that graces her lips, thinking of Zelda’s face when she shows her. Then she grimaces, she shouldn’t care about what that witch thinks of her. It is enough embarrassment that she is her pity project, to also start looking for her approval. She tells herself it isn’t approval she’s after, but recognition as an equal being. Something she has been denied off for a long time.

-I’m fucking done. -She mutters to herself as she reached the room, out of breath and with her injuries throbbing painfully. She enters and collapses on the bed, as tiny whimpers leave her mouth. She needs to change, she remembers, that was the whole point of going up.

-Come on you idiot, just stand up, leave the blanket and grab a dress. Simple.

Yet she feels her stomach turning, the small breakfast not setting well. With a grimace she realizes she will have to make a stop to the bathroom first.

At the academy, Zelda spends the day worrying. First about all the problems she has to solve, confused students and reprogrammed classes and then about the demoness she left in her room. Even as she talks with Melvin about some potions they have to learn, her mind keeps drifting away. Yet she isn’t alone for a single moment and she doesn’t have a second to spare so she pushes through. She is the High Priestess, if she doesn’t lead, no one will.

She does however, have a few tricks under her sleeve. After all the things that occurred to her family she has enchanted the mirror in her office to connect with the mirror in her room. That way she is sure she will be able to check what Lilith is up to. Or at least she would check, if she got just one moment alone. She doesn’t want anyone else knowing about their new guest.

It is after lunchtime that Zelda is finally able to sneak into her office, claiming she has paperwork and she is not to be bothered unless it is a life and death matter. Sitting in her chair, she pours a good amount of whiskey into her glass and leans back taking a deep sip. She isn’t sure what she expects to see, but she can’t stand not knowing. She moves her hand and her room appears in her sight, the bed is empty.

A chill runs down her spine and she connects with the mirror in her bathroom, it doesn’t show all but it too appears to be empty. Zelda’s stomach sinks. Where is Lilith? She thinks, and she tells herself it isn’t guilt what she feels, rather fear for the state of her house with only Lilith and Hilda on it.

She grabs the phone and dials home. Hilda takes three ringings to answer, in which Zelda is already fuming and thinking of a million bad sceneries that could have happened. What if Lilith was faking it, attacked Hilda and left? What if Hilda’s incapable hands led to some destruction and now they’re both out of the house in shambles? What if Lucifer got to them?

Then Hilda picks up, her cheery yet nervous voice putting Zelda more on edge.

-Sister! How is everything at the academy? Here we are fine, everything is fine…

-I just wanted to check on you both.

-Awn that’s so sweet…

-To make sure the house was still standing.

-…

-Where’s Lilith?

-Oh wow, no how are you sister? Hope you had a great day, I did too!

-Hilda…

-She’s fine, she’s at your room resting.

-I see…

-Yeah, don’t worry about it. Finish up at the academy and…

Zelda hangs up without saying goodbye. Hilda is lying, she knows the telltale of her nervous voice and the fact that the mirror shows an empty room.

She stands up, ready to head back home, when the door is violently pushed open and some students carry in an unconscious one.

-Mother Spellman! A spell went wrong, we don’t know what to do…

Zelda bites back a groan, it will be a while until she can get back home.

It is a couple of hours later when Zelda finds herself behind the steering wheel. She drives back home, parks, runs over the porch stairs and almost tears down the front door in her hurry.

A startled Hilda greets her eyes, she is finishing setting up the table for dinner.

-Zelda! You’re home early. - She says and then notices the way Zelda’s eyes frenetically look around. –Is everything okay?

-No sister, it is most certainly not. I am going to ask you one more time and please do not lie to me again.

Hilda nods, confusion painted in her face.

-Where is Lilith?

-I told you before, she is in your room. She went there after lunch and she hasn’t come out yet.

Zelda shakes her head, feeling her blood pressure increase. She takes a deep breath before answering.

-I put a spell on the mirrors on my room, just in case, and she is not in there

-You did what?

-You’ll thank me later. –The ginger witch declares as she rushes to her room. She barges in with Hilda in her trail.

-See? I told you we couldn’t trust her! To think I left her alone here with you. And now what will we do? She’s probably back at hell and with her carrying Satan’s offspring we are all in danger…

-Zelds…

-Maybe we can still catch her, she didn’t seem to be lying about her symptoms.

\- Zelda…

-She could have fainted in the middle of the road, oh dear, we need to find her!

-Zelda Spellman, will you listen to me?!- Hilda yells, raising her voice to interrupt Zelda’s rushed monologue. –Do you hear that?

-I don’t…- Zelda begins to say and Hilda covers her mouth, shushing her. Then she points towards the bathroom. –She can’t be there, the mirror…

-Zelda, I’ve been in that bathroom, it doesn’t cover the full space.

Tip toing to the bathroom Hilda tries the door, to find it locked. She looks at Zelda with a knowing eye and the ginger with opens it with a spell. The sight that greets their eyes leaves them rooted to the ground.

In front of them is Lilith, laying on the cold floor with her head halfway over the toilet. Zelda recognizes her own favorite blanket around her, but she is shivering lightly. Her face is pale and her skin seems clammy, they don’t need to touch to know how cold she is.

What stuns them the most is she is deeply asleep, snoring lightly even in that awkward position.

Zelda coughs lightly, trying to wake the demoness up. Instead her body startles and her head falls to the floor with a thud, where she curls into a tiny ball. Her dark tresses spread around her face, covering the frown that graces her forehead.

The two sisters exchange looks and Hilda shakes her head disappointedly.

-You seriously thought she run away?

Zelda feels her cheeks turning red, she is aware she overreacted. Instead of answering she kneels at Lilith’s side and rises her head carefully, as to not wake her up.

-Help me carry her?

Hilda kneels down, picking up the other side of her body and between the two of them they carry her to Zelda’s bed, since its closer.

-What happened?

-She agreed to take breakfast downstairs, everything was fine and then she had this dizzy thing…

-She fainted and you didn’t call me?!

-She then woke up and after some potions decided she wanted to go back to the room. She even walked by herself here, you know?

Zelda is surprised by this, from what she had seen the brunette was barely able to hold herself upright.

-Yeah, all she needed was some replenishing potions, pain killers and food. –Continues Hilda.

-Exactly how many things did you give her?

Hilda smiles sheepishly.

-She kept asking for more.

-Yes, because we listen to runaway demons for medical advice

-She is the mother of demons and former queen of hell

-You said it, former, there’s a reason she is no more. Probably her judgment was too clouded and…

-You can stop insulting her, I know you care.

-I do not! Stop that Hilda, she is only here to give us intel and because she carries Satan’s child.

In that moment Lilith stirs in the bed and Zelda freezes. How much had she heard?

The brunette opens her eyes warily.

-You shout too loud.

Zelda lets out a sigh of relief she didn’t realize she was holding and it is Hilda’s turn to roll her eyes. Then Zelda hits Lilith’s arm and the brunette hisses.

-What the heaven were you thinking? Drinking that many replenishing potions and mixing them with all that?

Lilith caresses her arm and turns away from Zelda, ignoring her. The ginger turns to Hilda and asks.

-Have Sabrina and Ambrose arrived?

-Not yet. –Hilda answers. –Ambrose called and said he’d be late and Sabrina is probably with her friends.

-Perfect, I’ll go change then…

-Actually, I was about to change before. –Lilith speaks up, interrupting the two sisters, who give her a critical eye. –I’m fine, I already slept enough.

Zelda rises an eyebrow, only then noticing the brunette is still wearing the borrowed pajamas from last night. She is ready to refute, after spending who knows how many hours on the cold floor Lilith should stay in bed.

-Have you? –She asks aggressively.

-Ask your sister. –Responds Lilith in the same tone.

-I’ll leave you two alone. –Hilda turns around and leaves before they can tangle her more. –Prideful witches. –She mutters as she leaves.

They stare at each other awkwardly. Lilith makes a show of standing up and walking towards the vanity where another pajama lays folded down, it is already too late for the dress she had wanted to wear. Zelda stares, surprise in her eyes, but doesn’t mention it.

-I’ll go shower then. –Is her only response.

The second Zelda enters the bathroom Lilith collapses on the bed whimpering softly, but not even all the pain she feels could erase her smirk remembering the ginger’s surprised eyes. It feels like a small win.

The brunette takes the pajamas off, biting her lips to not make any sound of pain. She wishes she could take a shower, but her body hurts too much and she refuses to ask Zelda for help. Not after her small victory. Then she grabs the tube with the healing ointment and applies it on her legs, arms and ribs, specially the last one hold nasty bruises. Lucifer really enjoyed using her as kicking ball. She shudders at the memory and lays the tube down. There are spots on her back she simply cannot reach alone, she sighs and drops the tube on top of the bed. It’ll have to do. She reaches for the new pajama top, wincing as her back protests and feels a pair of warm hands on her back.

In her inner dilemma she hadn’t heard Zelda leaving the bathroom. The ginger is now only in a towel and she has grabbed to tube, spreading the healing ointment on Lilith’s back softly.

-You just have to ask. –She says, with her low voice, and then steps aside to get changed.

Lilith remains frozen, unsure whether to be angry or grateful. She had heard Zelda’s words about her before fully waking up, but she tells herself those are old news. She puts on the pajama top, it is a bit large for her frame on the shoulders and sleeves, so she rolls the cuffs a bit. On the side, the witch has already finished dressing in a sleeping gown covered by a long robe.

-You didn’t need to do that.

-I know. –Zelda stops and bites her tongue from making a hurtful remark to instead say. –I wanted to apologize for today. That last bit was uncalled for.

–Just the last bit? –Lilith makes a show of caressing her arm where Zelda had hit her.

-Don’t push it.

Lilith nods and puts on the rest of the pajamas. As she does she remembers her emerald green sleeping gown, a nostalgic smile escapes her face. She really liked that one. Maybe if she had it Zelda would stop looking at her as a charity project and regain her equal status. Then her hands meet her growing middle and she frowns. Zelda hates her, she has heard her say so enough times, the most recent a couple of minutes ago. The brunette pushes the idea from her head. She probably wouldn’t fit in it anyway.

-Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to give you good information tonight.

Zelda stares and Lilith holds her eyes. She needs to say more, Zelda might not realize but the only moment she looks at her with something other than hate and pity is when she is speaking useful information. And she likes that look in Zelda’s eyes.

-I know, you always do. –The ginger says and Lilith hates how her heart races by those words. –Shall we?

Zelda extends her arm for Lilith to take, the brunette is surprised by the gesture, as she is offering her a choice whether to take it or no. It has been a long time since she was offered a choice. Knowing she will only hurt herself more if she tries to walk alone again, she accepts Zelda’s arm and they make their way downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So more softness at the end... but who knows what comes next for these two?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Surprise update since it's Michelle's birthday! <3  
> Enjoy the chapter, and I promise next one will be up very soon.

**Spellman Mortuary**

It is deep into the night when the Spellmans and Lilith actually get to talk war plans. The demoness had tried to bring it up during dinner, but the family was so focused in telling each other’s activities during the day that she couldn’t find a moment to interrupt.

They laughed loudly, comfortable with each other presence while she nibbled absently on the plate in front of her. It looked good, but she wasn’t comfortable enough to eat. And Zelda, Lilith could barely keep her eyes off the ginger woman as she sat at the head of the table. Where Lilith felt awkward, an intruder, Zelda was the opposite, regal and in total control of her home. She didn’t even look at her, engaging in family banter with Ambrose and Sabrina.

-So you were out all day with your mortal friends. Knowing all the problems this family now carries…

-It’s not like that, Aunt Zee, we’re doing research.

-Ambrose, I can’t believe you knew and didn’t tell us.

-You know my cos’…

They kept at it until they finished eating and Lilith had barely been able to touch the food. She felt nauseous and she just wanted the meeting to be over so she could go rest. Unfortunately for her, it didn’t start then. The family took some time to refresh themselves and pick the table up. They helped each other, even playfully arguing over whose turn it was to do the dishes.

After what felt like hours later, they brought out research materials into the living room, where they moved to Lilith’s chagrin. She felt dizzy and her stomach threatened to get worse, but she hid it well as she walked behind them.

Now, they sit on the couches around the small table with old books and paper sprawled around. Lilith hasn’t said a word yet, she rubs her growing bump absently, wondering if that’s what having a family feels like. She doesn’t truly know. As the first woman she spent most time alone and Lucifer or the demons could hardly be called a family. No demon would have taken the time to refresh themselves after dinner. And demonic dinners could be so much messier than what she had just seen. It is a weird, new, not entirely bad feeling, and she surprises herself by wishing to be included in it.

Then reality hits her, she is not part of them, she never will be. The only thing that ties them together is the alliance she has with Zelda. And thinking about the ginger almost gives her a migraine. After helping her downstairs, she had ignored her the whole dinner, not even breathing in her direction while she talked with her family. Lilith sighs and bites her lips, trying to focus on the present.

Sabrina seems to have taken the reigns of the conversation, she is telling them about her new discoveries and they listen attentively. Lilith couldn’t care less. Then the young witch finishes and they all start researching in their books in almost perfect synchrony. So the demoness remains quiet, unsure of whether to break the spell of the moment. She is about to excuse herself to go to the bathroom and leave the family alone when Zelda speaks up.

-You’ve been suspiciously quiet, you usually enjoy the sound of your voice too much to shut up.

Lilith frowns, trying to come up with a witty comeback as she hugs her middle.

-I guess puking takes a toll in one’s throat. –She says dryly, in an emotionless tone absolutely contrary to the turmoil of emotions she feels.

It is Zelda’s turn to frown, clearly not expecting that, she clears her throat and changes subject. The ginger is now holding her trustful cigarette holder with a well lit cigarette. She’s halfway throw it, dropping the ashes in a small, crystal ashtray that sits in her lap. She takes a good inhale and blows the smoke in Lilith’s direction.

-You are meant to tell us how to destroy Lucifer tonight. So far we have heard Sabrina’s ideas, what about yours?

Lilith bites her tongue and resists the urge to cough. She really hates when Zelda throws smoke her way. She feels a weird stab in her heart at the implication of what Zelda is saying, as if she didn’t want to help and had to be coerced to it when in reality she had been trying to mention it the whole dinner.

-I am. –She says instead, closing her hands in tight fists under her legs. The ginger frowns at her tone.

-So tell u…- Zelda begins to say, rising her voice rudely which makes the whole family look in surprise, raising their heads from their books.

-Zelds, why don’t we calm down and let her speak?- Hilda chimes in, noticing Zelda’s growing temper as she gives Lilith a quick glance.

-Thank you, Hilda. –Says Lilith softly, too softly for her own liking. She wasn’t lying, her throat still hurt from all the puking and Zelda’s smoke doesn’t help. –I will tell you tonight, but I want to ask you for something.

She knows she is risking it, but this petition is actually personal. She deserves it, she knows she does and she will be blessed before she lets them take it away from her.

-Another thing?! Lilith we… -Zelda explodes again until Hilda shushes her. –Continue.

Lilith looks at their expecting faces and sits up straighter on the couch. When she speaks she is glad her voice doesn’t tremble and instead recovers some of her usual strength.

-I want to be the one to kill him.

The whole family looks at her as if she had grown two heads. Of course, she is barely able to walk from the injuries and pregnancy her body sustains, that doesn’t mean she is unable to kill the bastard. She takes a deep breath and continues.

-What we need, is the spear of Longinus.

The family remains in silence, looking her way and expecting her to elaborate, so Lilith continues.

-This is a lance, said to have pierced the false god’s son when he was crucified…

-Oh great, so we only need a mystical lance and that’s it to kill him? –Sabrina is the first to interrupt. –I’ll get on it ASAP, my friends can help with research and…

-Absolutely not! –Zelda exclaims, finally coming to life. –You have other things to worry about, don’t you double queen of hell?

-I can do both. –Sabrina replies stubbornly, puffing up her chest and looking ready to argue.

-I’ll be the one finding it, it’s too risky for you. –Zelda insists, taking a good inhale of her cigarette.

-No! I-

-We don’t new messes, Sabrina. –She says sternly.

-I could go. –Chimes in Ambrose, interrupting their fight and standing up. –I have some traveling and hunting experience from Blackwood.

Lilith and Zelda’s faces twist in disgust at the name and Ambrose realizes his mistake, siting back down.

-Or I could help with research.

Lilith frowns at the family’s discussion, had nobody heard her correctly? They’re so focused on trying to help each other and be the hero, they fail to see the point or hear her suggestions. It bothers her, it bothers her a lot. Here she is, trying to genuinely help them kill Lucifer and they walk all over her. She has been ignored enough in hell and she refuses to be treated the same way by her former church.

-Stop that nonsense! First of all, I have some clues as to where it is hidden, second, didn’t you hear what I said? I will be the one to kill him. –She speaks up, angrily.

They all look at her hit something akin to sadness and pity in their eyes and Lilith crosses her arms over her chest, hating how they make her feel. She doesn’t need nor want their pity. She isn’t their friend, just their political ally, and as such she deserves the right to be heard.

-You don’t think I can do it. –She confronts them, feeling very small in the seat against the four of them.

They share awkward looks but Sabrina is the first to speak up.

-It’s not that…I mean you did have millennia to do it and you never dared to… but…

Lilith winces at this.

-Are you calling me a coward?

-I… -Sabrina starts to say and is cut off by Zelda.

-It is too dangerous, you’re pregnant. -Says coldly the ginger. And for some reasons her words hurt and cut much deeper than Sabrina’s

-So?! Because I’m pregnant I can’t do anything? You’re a midwife, you should know better. –Lilith feels a weird pain in her chest as she speaks. All of her life she has been diminished at Lucifer’s side, now that she wants to go against him she still is. Will she ever be truly free? Or respected? A little respect would be nice.

-…and heavily injured. –Zelda ends, frowning.

-I’ve had worse. –Lilith says too quickly.

-You can barely stand, much less control your power. –Zelda rises her voice and Lilith sees red. Zelda’s words cut too deep and she remembers all the times she shun her out. All the words she has been holding for so long pour out and she can’t stop them

-Just admit you don’t think I, Lilith, deity you prayed to for a very short time, can kill Lucifer, deity you prayed to for a longer time!

-I…-Zelda tries to say, but Lilith doesn’t stop. Her mouth has been opened and she won’t shut up until she has said her piece.

-Admit it, you didn’t think me strong or worthy enough to be worshipped and you don’t think I’m enough now!

-Li…

-You didn’t even consider me a good enough ally when I asked for asylum! You threw me off like a rabid, wounded dog!

-What are you talking about, you’re here? –Hilda says confused.

\- Ask your sister. –Lilith says with her voice harsh as fire, refusing to lower herself at telling them how Zelda had kicked her out. –Ask her to tell you the truth about how she hates me so much she risked a potential ally to the coven…

-It’s not that, I don’t want you to get hurt! - Screams Zelda, cutting Lilith’s words.

Silence falls in the living room, and tension could be cut with a knife.

-Well newsflash, Spellman, I am already hurt. –Lilith says in a cold, controlled voice after a few seconds. –And I’m not willing to give in again. Never. I will kill him.

-Tell us the location of the spear. –Zelda replies, ignoring her last words.

Lilith responds with silence and the two witches engage in a passion filled eye glare, neither willing to give in.

The other Spellmans watch in silence, unsure of whether they should intervene or leave them alone.

Lilith looks away to the door and Zelda follows her line of vision, preventing her thoughts.

-You won’t make it far.

-I know.

-You can barely walk.

-I know.

-You…

-I will not stand to be a prisoner in another place. –Lilith says firmly. –I kill Lucifer.

-We’ll talk about it. –Zelda says reluctantly. –Good enough for you?

Lilith pretends to think about it, but she knows it’s the best she’ll get that night.

-Fine. –She spits out, it doesn’t feel like a win, but it’s better than nothing. –There are rumors of it being seen in Austria, not the one in display that’s a fake, but somewhere in the Area. There are also rumors of it being held in Egypt or that it’s buried in the middle of the sea, at a spot that used to be land ages ago.

The Spellman’s faces fall a little and Lilith can barely contain a dark chuckle.

-If it were easy anyone would do it.

They stay up late talking strategies and once the meeting is finished there are some words that refuse to leave Lilith’s head as she walks upstairs leaning on the wall for support. The words ‘I don’t want you to get hurt’ keep playing on her head, could Zelda really mean it? Or was she just lying to calm her down. It is most likely the second option.

Her thoughts are interrupted when she feels a weight around her waist and suddenly she isn’t leaning on the wall anymore but on a certain ginger. As if she had read her mind Zelda speaks up.

-I meant it, I don’t want you to get hurt. I hate what he, what they, did to you.

At this, Lilith shakes her head but her beaten up body leans gratefully on Zelda as they go. She despises herself for liking how the ginger feels at her side.

-And I understand your need for closure. I have my own.

Lilith tears up at this and looks at Zelda, honestly confused and ready to blame the pregnancy hormones for it.

-Are you mocking me? I’m too tired for it now, please do it tomorrow, I’ll have witty retorts then.

Zelda looks surprised at this and her heart clenches in her chest.

-I’m not, why would you think that?

Lilith shrugs, looking away.

-Why wouldn’t I?

Zelda is at loss of words then. They reach the room in silence and Lilith is relieved to get at least a bit away from her. The ginger is confusing her too much and she doesn’t have time for it. One moment she hates her and the next she’s being nice. It must be a strategy, she decides, having used it before: to get others to cooperate one earns their trust then they spill everything and in goes the stabbing knife.

Each one gets into their own bed and Zelda turns off the lights.

However Lilith can’t sleep, she feels cold, so cold and she doesn’t know why. Her teeth chitter against each other, making a small yet noticeable sound. After 30 minutes of this Zelda turns around, angrily saying –Stop that.

Lilith ignores her, the last thing she needs is another fight when her body feels freezing. She hugs herself and turns around, trying to stop her teeth to no avail. The noise continues for some time, until Zelda gets off her bed to shake the brunette’s shoulder. She accidentally rubs her skin and hisses.

-You’re freezing! –She exclaims, surprised.

-No shit, Sherlock- Lilith grits out.

Zelda seems to think about it and she gets into the bed with Lilith. The demoness instinctively scoots away, groaning as the other part of the bed is cold. _I don’t need, nor want your pity._ She thinks.

-Don’t be ridiculous, I’m doing it for body heat. It’ll be easier than getting a hot water bottle.

Lilith frowns and stays where she is with her back to Zelda.

Her mind is so confused, wondering why the change in her. It’s a strategy, it’s got to be, she decides.

The ginger pulls her close and there’s little her exhausted body can do. She doesn’t feel like struggling so she moves along and she has to admit Zelda is quite warm as her arms wrap around her middle, just above her small baby bump.

Lilith tenses, stiff as a board, she doesn’t like having people touch her there. It’s private. Then again, it’s not people, it is Zelda. Which might be even worse. The ginger witch despises her and her pregnancy. The brunette is sure of it. And she doesn’t blame her, how could she? Knowing who the father and the vessel at the moment of conceiving were, Zelda’s hate makes perfect sense. For a second she fears the ginger might actually squeeze or hit her bump out of existence and even then, she is unable to move apart.

-You worried me today. –Zelda admits in a whisper, caressing Lilith’s bump with her thumb. The demoness remains silent, closing her eyes and deciding to pretend to be asleep as her teeth aren’t chattering anymore. She can’t look at Zelda when she knows what she truly thinks about her. –When I couldn’t find you. I thought something bad had happened.

Zelda sighs, seeing Lilith’s closed eyes, her slow breathing and believing her asleep.

-I am sorry. –She whispers as she kisses Lilith's temple. –You didn’t deserve all the insults I threw your way.

Zelda closes her eyes and dozes off quickly, leaving an extremely confused and still awake Lilith behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, there was more fluff and angst on it! Did you like it? Are they being too stubborn and you wish they would just talk their issues out? Maybe hoping for a kiss? Who knows idk idk. Leave a comment and drop some theories <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm here with more angst and fluff, have a nice reading! <3

**Chapter 15**

**Spellman mortuary**

Morning comes too slow for Lilith, who is barely able to sleep between her turmoil of thoughts. She is too aware of Zelda’s arms around her, the ginger snores softly and it turns out to be a comforting sound for the demoness.

When the sun is up and Zelda stirs awake, Lilith closes her eyes and evens her breath, pretending to be asleep. She’s still too scared to move and she feels safer if Zelda thinks she was asleep the whole night.

-Morning. –The ginger whispers and caresses Lilith’s bump as she gets out of bed, ready to dress up for the day.

It is only after a few minutes, when she has entered the shower that Lilith dares open her eyes and sit up. She feels much better than the previous day. It’s been a little time but she can feel the Spellman’s care in her. She tells herself she won’t fight with Zelda this morning. She was good all night, so she deserves her… help? Respect? Support? Lilith isn’t sure of what she can give her, but she is set on finding something.

-Oh hi, you’re awake. –Zelda’s voice startles her as the ginger has come out of the bath. Her naked body is only wrapped in a fluffy olive towel and Lilith feels her mouth go dry, her brain leaving her for a few seconds. –Lilith? Did you sleep well?

-I, yes, thank you, I did. –Lilith stammers, feeling her cheeks burning up a little bit. –I should shower too.

The demoness doesn’t wait for an answer as she stands up and walks into the bathroom. She uses the walls for support but she is relieved to discover her balance and leg’s strength are much better. After being attacked by morning sickness, she takes her time showering, clearing her thoughts and trying to wash her shame again with the cinnamon vanilla scented soap Zelda has. This time she washes her hair thoroughly, and even stays a couple of minutes under the hot water, just enjoying the feeling of it on her harmed skin.

When Lilith comes out of the bathroom Zelda is already dressed in a breathtaking burgundy pantsuit, ready for a day at the academy. The brunette can’t help but admire the way the high priestess finishes doing her red lipstick. It is enticing and she feels she could watch all day. Only then she turns around, surprising her.

-Lilith! Why aren’t you wearing any towel?! –Zelda exclaims, voice sounding harsher than she intended it to. She isn’t a morning person and she hates how Lilith’s body distracts her, even with her injuries it cannot be denied how gorgeous she is.

The brunette looks at her body, she hadn’t found towels inside and she hadn’t thought it would be a problem, figuring she would just air dry. She grimaces as she sees her protruding baby bump and wounds staining her otherwise flawless figure. She knows she is gorgeous, she has always been an object of desire for everyone. Not anymore it seems. She feels her face flushing in shame.

-I didn’t find any inside, I figured I’d dry as I choose something to wear…

-Nonsense! You’re going to catch a cold like that, go back into the bathroom, I’ll hand you something and please cover up before you get sick. –Zelda exclaims, this time decidedly not looking at her to give her some privacy. She doesn’t think it’s good to take advantage of her that way, she’s injured and a guest at her home.

Lilith reaches for the first thing her hand can find, Zelda’s used towel, and wraps herself in it as she sits on the bed, biting back her shame.

-I can choose myself.

She protests as feels her head beginning to hurt. So much for not arguing with Zelda. The ginger looks surprised as she sees what Lilith has picked up to cover herself. She feels guilty for lashing out. It wasn’t Lilith’s fault she didn’t leave a towel inside.

-Wait, no, I’ll get you a new towel that one’s…

-It’s fine. –Lilith makes a show of drying herself with it. It doesn’t really work, the towel is too damp and she can feel herself getting colder. It doesn’t work. –It’s perfect.

Still with the wet towel around her, Lilith stands up and walks towards the closet, pulling out the dress she had meant to wear before she fainted in the bathroom the previous day.

She throws the towel aside and slips the dress on before Zelda can say anything else. It sticks awkwardly at her still damp skin and wet hair but she puts on a controlled smile in her face.

-I’m ready, shall we have breakfast?

Zelda looks puzzled at her. Lilith wants to gulp and hide but she faces her stare, there’s no way the ginger knows what’s going on in her mind.

-You didn’t even put underwear on. Are you okay? Is it the hormones? –Zelda says as she walks to her, concerned. As a midwife she can’t help but analyze and worry over the brunette’s behavior.

Lilith’s eyes twitch. Hormones? She doesn’t have that, she is still the mother of demons and she has never suffered of hormones. Never. She’s about to fight when she remembers her purpose of the day. Don’t fight with Zelda.

-What? No, I just didn’t deem it necessary. –Lilith punishes herself mentally at forgetting about those. What is wrong with her?

Zelda sighs and reaches inside her closet for a couple of black panties, throwing them at Lilith.

-Put this on, please, we are to have breakfast with my family now. –She says, still not looking at her

The demoness grabs them and puts them on wordlessly.

-There, happy? –She says as she crosses her arms and sits on the bed.

-I don’t know what’s up with you, but can I count on you helping us today? –Zelda stands towering over Lilith with a sharp gaze.

The demoness nods curtly, wondering where the caring Zelda from last night has gone.

-You can. –She says, and pretends not to notice when Zelda dries her hair with a spell.

They go downstairs and Lilith refuses Zelda’s arms at first, walking on her own until they reach the stairs. The ginger doesn’t ask then, sliding her arms around Lilith’s waist to help her down. Neither of them say a word of it, rather choosing a silent agreement.

They reach the kitchen and Zelda sits at the head of the table with a cigarette in her hand and Lilith by her side, pretending the smoke doesn’t bother her. It is all relatively good until they decide the research at the academy must begin.

-It would be better if I went too. –Lilith says casually, as she plays with the food in her plate without eating it. –I know exactly which books we need.

-Nonsense, you need to rest and the list you gave us yesterday is more than enough. –Zelda shots her down immediately and Lilith grimaces. She refuses to be bed bound, so what if she is physically injured? Her brain is perfectly fine.

-After Hilda’s potions I am much better. –She says, keeping a neutral tone. It is true, she can stand better on her own, most of her wounds are healing and even her nausea seems to be under control.

-You fainted in my bathroom yesterday. –Zelda protests, raising her voice as she smokes.

-And you thought I had ran away, the past is the past, isn’t it? –Lilith responds trying to stay calm.

-You cannot come to the academy, you are hiding in this house for its protection. Going outside goes against that principle…

-What if you two teleport. –Suggests Sabrina, interrupting. –I know Lilith can, she does this weird fire thing. Or that whole walking in the shadows one.

-Lilith is not in conditions to do such magic now. –Zelda replies firmly, and if looks could kill Sabrina would be six feet underground.

-I am, I told you I feel better. –Lilith protests.

-Uncontrolled magic is a risk.

-I’m not uncontrolled, I am the only one who knows exactly what to look for, and without me it might take ages until you find the right books.

They have a glare exchange and finally Zelda gives in.

-Fine, you can come, but you will stay by my side at every time. I don’t want you fainting or throwing up in the middle of the academy.

Lilith’s face turns deathly pale at this, she grips her cutlery so hard her knuckles turn white. This is all Zelda thinks of her. A pregnant runaway who can’t even be let alone at the academy, no matter if she used to be their Queen not so long ago.

-Don’t worry, I won’t. –She says in a controlled voice, a spark inside her determined to show Zelda that she can help, she can be useful and she is more than her current situation.

-Fine, it’s settled now. You will come to the academy with me today and we will teleport there.

**Academy of unseen arts**

Zelda maintains such a strong grip in Lilith’s arm the demoness isn’t sure if Zelda is afraid for her safety or the student’s around her when they appear in the middle of her office. She does get incredibly dizzy after teleporting, and for once she is glad that the ginger is helping her up. The she unhands her and the demoness almost falls against the table.

Zelda doesn’t seem to notice or care, she’s too preoccupies checking spells wards and making sure nobody had noticed the extra presence.

-Nobody can know you’re here, your mere presence is a risk to us all. –She says bluntly.

-I know, they won’t see me. –Lilith replies in the same tone, even as she feels a bit hurt.

-Good, we’re on the same page. –Zelda says coldly and Lilith can’t help but wonder again where is the caring woman she saw the previous night. –We need to go to the library now, can you stand?

-Of course I can! –Lilith rolls her eyes and gives a couple of steps on wobbly feet. –The library is close, isn’t it?

Zelda chuckles at this and shakes her head at Lilith’s stubbornness.

-Close enough. –She says as she wordlessly grabs the demoness’ waist and they start walking through the deserted hall. Lilith remembers the academy from the times she spied on Sabrina, but her sense of direction is lost as then she teleported everywhere, not measuring distances.

-Where are your students? –Lilith asks curious, as they don’t cross anyone on their way to the library.

-It’s early, they’re probably still having breakfast. –Zelda answers too quickly.

-Oh, I see, you keep everything under control here. –Lilith can’t keep some bite from her tone as she replies.

-Of course I do.

They don’t say anything else until they reach the empty library and Zelda locks the doors.

Lilith sits on top of a table, pretending everything is fine as if she didn’t need to catch her breathing.

-Where do we start? –Zelda asks with a look in her face that unnerves Lilith.

-The forbidden section of the library would be a good point. –She answers casually, trying to regain some sort of normalcy. It doesn’t work as expected.

-Excuse me? How do you even know we have that? It’s secret for graduated witches and professors.

-This isn’t the first time I come to the academy, Zelda. –Lilith rolls her eyes, she had assumed Zelda knew of her previous visits to the place.

-You have spied on us?!

-Not exactly. –Lilith says and is about to elaborate when Zelda cuts her short.

-You know what? Don’t tell me. I don’t want to fight. Let’s just start with the research so you can go back home and rest, you need it.

They spend hours in the library, enough for Lilith’s stomach to protest after being ignored for so long. It seems she is getting used to need food again. She bites her lower lip, worried, but decides that ignoring it for a little while won’t hurt anyone.

-I think I found it! –Zelda exclaims. –But I can’t reach it, do you see it? Up there.

She points to a bookshelf and Lilith sees a glimpse that confirms it’s the book they’re after.

-That one? - Lilith points to a far, high corner, wanting to be sure it’s the one Zelda said.

-Precisely. –Zelda says, focusing in how can they get it down. Books in that sections are hexed so they can’t be taken out with magic.

-Easy. –Lilith firmly believes that is her moment to prove to Zelda she is much better. Climb, get book, and get down. Simple enough.

-What?

Zelda hasn’t finished her question when Lilith is already climbing the shelves, skillfully balancing her arms and holding onto the shelves compartments. Her arms protest, burning in pain from the effort but she pushes through.

-Oh for fucks sake, be careful! –Zelda looks in horror as she sees the previously bed bound brunette climbing the shelf. –Get back here!

-Got it! -Lilith pulls at the book but it doesn’t move. -Come on, you little shit.

-Leave it, I can get Prudence or some student to get it down. –Zelda screams, getting more desperate.

-I can do it! –Lilith struggles with the book as dust flies, her vision swarms and black dots appear in her eyes.

-Seriously, Lilith, don’t, you’re going to…

Zelda hasn’t finished her sentence when she sees Lilith slip, the brunette looks surprised for a second as she falls and crashes down. In a second Zelda is by her side.

-What the heavens is wrong with you? What were you thinking? You’re sick and pregnant, you can’t go around climbing bookshelves!

Zelda groans angrily and hits Lilith’s head on a reflex, it isn’t a strong hit, just a warning slap. She had been terribly worried, not sure of what would she do if the demoness fell unconscious and certainly not wanting to think of the consequences a fall like that would have for the pregnancy.

The brunette immediately covers her head up with the book, which she now holds as a shield.

-I got it. –She says after a few seconds, when she’s sure Zelda won’t hit her again. She lowers she book and looks at Zelda, who is now looking at her like a kicked puppy. –What? Is it the wrong book? I’m not going up again.

-I’m sorry. –Zelda blurts out. –I shouldn’t have done that.

Lilith blushes and looks away.

-Done what? – She responds, not willing to talk about her previous reaction. She can feel her cheeks burning red as she knows her purpose of showing Zelda she is better is ruined.–So, is it the right book?

-It is.

-Good.

Lilith has a hard time standing up, her body hurts from the fall. Zelda reaches out to help her up and the demoness automatically flinches away.

-Sorry. –She says while she continues struggling to stand up and Zelda feels her heart breaking in a million pieces.

-You don’t need to say sorry.

Lilith finally stands up, leaning on the table tiredly.

-I won’t protest to going back to the mortuary now. –She says and it is all the admission she gives of the pain the fall caused her. –I can check the book there.

Zelda however, shakes her head, looking at Lilith with something akin to pity and guilt. The demoness hates it.

-You can check it here, as the High Priestess I own a room at the academy.

-I…

-It’s big, comfortable and silent proof, you won’t be bothered there. I think you need to get a checkup before you attempt to do more magic or teleporting back home. Rest there until I’m done with my day at the academy. I’ll even bring you food to the room.

Lilith huffs, refusing to be bed bound again as much as she would like to have Zelda’s attention. She wanted her as he equal, not her charity project.

-It was a little fall, I’m perfectly fine.

-No. In fact I think that nothing about you is fine right now. Have you been having checkups on your pregnancy? Do you have a midwife?

-No, but…

-I’ll be your midwife, and as such I think you should go straight into bed rest now. –Zelda says quickly, needing to make it up to Lilith. She is very aware of the other witch’s potential and she wants to help her regain it after being partially the cause of her doom.

-But the book…

-You can read in bed, come I’ll take you there.

And before Lilith can protest more, Zelda takes the book from her hands, wraps an arm around her waist and drags her to her room, almost carrying her.

They arrive in silence and Zelda locks the door while Lilith sits down on the bed. She is secretly glad of the nearby room, for she feels her eyelids growing heavier by every passing second.

-Wait there, I’ll get…

-Zelda! –A worried voice interrupts the ginger.

-What? –Zelda turns around but the door are still locked.

-Zelda, mirror!

The ginger witch walks to her vanity, where one of her mirrors that connect with the Spellman mortuary lay. It is Hilda who calls.

-Sister? What…

-Stay at the academy. Do not come back to the house, you hear me? You can’t bring Lilith here, at least for a while. Stay with her. –The blonde witch talks hurriedly, in a shushed voice.

-Something happened? Are you okay? I’ll go right now, Lilith… -She stops to look at the demoness, who is now laying on the bed with her eyes closed, yet still awake.

-No! We have visitors, they can’t know about her.

-Who?

-The hedge witches and your… friend.

Zelda gasps at this, knowing fully well who Hilda is talking about.

From the bed, Lilith perks up at this, immediately thinking of the woman Hilda had mentioned before. Is it possible they’re the same person? Is it possible that Zelda wants to leave her side to run back to her? Maybe that’s why she was so distant in the morning… Lilith feels her heart small as she curls into a little ball at the corner of the bed.

-Are you sure you don’t want me to go? Lilith is asleep, I could come and go before she wakes.

-Why is Lilith asleep? –Some noise sounds on the background and Hilda resumes talking with more urgency. -No, Zelda stay with her, I’ll handle things here. Just don’t come to the house, okay?

-Fine, but keep me updated, I can’t stay here forever.

Hilda is about to answer when the mirror turns blank. 

-Hilda?! Hilda?!- Zelda yells angrily with no results. There’s no point. The connection is lost.

Lilith remains unmoving on the bed, a turmoil of thoughts in her head as she feels the bed dipping on her side and Zelda’s hand moving her hair from her face. She lingers for a moment and Lilith feels her breath hitching, a warm and tingling sensation pooling in the low of her belly. Then Zelda moves, removing Lilith’s shoes to tuck her under a blanket and softly caress her baby bump. The demoness opens her eyes, startling Zelda. Sad ice blue eyes meet guilty green ones and for a moment time stops in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all those who had been asking about Mambo Marie, yeah, she's the one they're talking about. Hated it? Loved it? Will those two finally have an honest conversation without their walls up? Leave a comment and next chapter will be up soon! <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! And Happy holidays! Hope you all had a lovely time and here's a new chapter. Enjoy and have a nice reading! <3

**The academy, Zelda's room**

Lilith freezes, she can feel Zelda’s hand still caressing her baby bump. She feels as if it has somehow grown in the days spent at the Spellman’s house. She knows it makes no sense but she does. It is as if somehow her burden has materialized even more by having other people care for it.

She can’t stand it.

She looks away, maintaining her silence. What can she say? Who’s that bitch? No. Who’s your friend? It isn’t as if it’s any of her business. Not really.

Zelda removes her hand and Lilith misses it immediately, she reaches out for her to stay and even if the ginger looks surprised, she does. That’s the only spot the ginger where touches her tenderly and she yearns to feel her warmth longer. Maybe she’ll tell her…

-I need to get my medical bag to check you up. –Zelda says as she caresses Lilith’s stomach gently.

Lilith frowns, so she isn’t going to tell her anything? Maybe she doesn’t trust her enough to tell her.

-I’m fine. –She says, hating how her voice wavers.

-You just had a nasty fall, it can’t have been good for you. –Zelda says, deciding to not address the call she just had. If she is lucky Lilith was distracted and didn’t hear, if she isn’t lucky… well she isn’t asking questions either.

-I’m fine. Hand me the book, there’s no time to loose. –The demoness says, brutally changing topics. She’ll be blessed if she lets her lie to her face.

Zelda is pulled out of her thoughts and she shakes her head, pushing the book away with magic.

-You need to rest. –She declares as she opens the bed covers, covering Lilith with them while the demoness tries to leave the bed.

-I need to be useful, now hand me the book. –The brunette stubbornly replies as she tries to focus her dispersed energies into summoning the book. Nothing happens and she bites her lip in annoyance. She feels useless, confined to a bed again with a woman who refuses to treat her as something other than a sick patient.

-A fall like that at your state is too dangerous. You will lay on that bed and allow me to examine you. I will get things from the infirmary and be back in a second.

-Get things? –Lilith’s ice blue eyes shine with a sparkle of fear and she stops struggling with the covers, letting Zelda tuck her in. The ginger makes sure she is properly covered before stepping away to answer. Is she leaving?

-I don’t have my medical bag here and as your midwife I must check the baby. –Zelda says sharply as she looks at her. Why is Lilith being so weird? One second she asks for her and the other she pulls away. .

-Whatever you say, doctor. –Lilith says with too much sarcasm to cover her fear as she rolls her eyes. She couldn’t care less whether the wretched parasite was well or not. And she hates how Zelda seems to worry more about it than about her. Doesn’t she matter anymore? Was that thing inside all everyone was ever going to see from her ever again?

-Just stay on the bed.

Zelda orders as she leaves the room, trying to be as fast as possible despite her previous anger. She doesn’t want to leave Lilith alone more time than needed. It’s not that she thinks she’ll trash her room or tamper with her things, despite the woman’s history record, in fact she is worried about leaving her alone after such a nasty fall. It can’t be good for her health.

Lilith hides under the covers for a few seconds and then she peaks her head out. She refuses to remain bed bound. She crawls to the corner of the bed, towards the night table, and snoops inside. She finds a chocolate tablet that she hides under the covers, a half drank bottle of bourbon that she leaves there, some books, pencils and unsurprisingly 4 boxes of different brands of cigarettes. Zelda really smokes a lot.

She frowns, she is an immortal witch but smoking can be that good for her health. Not even she smokes as much and she’s a millennia old demoness. Then again she never had enough time to fall to the vice, between following the dark lord’s commands, shifting from face to face and helping on hell. She huffs and falls back on the bed at the thought of hell.

-Fucking place. –She mutters as her stomach growls and she opens the chocolate bar. She’s starving and if Zelda wants to play doctor, she shall serve as food provider as well. She also hopes she will bring some explanation at her return. Lilith bites down and almost moans at the taste. She isn’t sure of if it’s really that good or if she’s starving but it works either way.

She falls back on the bed and nibbles over all the bar, making sure to bites the edges. It’s her chocolate now, not Zelda’s. It also is the first thing she owns ever since she escaped Hell with only the clothes on her back.

-Hey, that’s mine! –Zelda’s voice interrupts her. Lilith looks at her through tired ice blue eyes, daring her to say anything else.

-You can get another. –She says as she bites and chews. It’s true, Zelda can get whatever food she wants from her house or the academy. This is the first piece of meal Lilith has had in hours and the first she has owned in months.

-My chocolate. –Zelda walks to the bed, leaving her medical bag on the side and taking the bar from Lilith’s hands, ignoring the demoness’ protests. She sees the bitten edges and groans, giving it back to her. –It’s yours now.

Lilith takes it back and holds it to her chest, weary of her taking it away again.

-Okay, please do leave it aside and lay down. I need to examine you. –Zelda says as she pull her medical instruments from the bag and leaves them at Lilith’s side on the bed.

Lilith glares, so Zelda still isn’t going to say anything? Not a single explanation for the call and as to why they’re trapped a t the academy? She crosses her hands over her middle. That damned middle that seems to now decide her life for her. She stares at Zelda for a couple of minutes. She wants to be heard for herself, not for the thing inside of her.

Zelda pulls out a couple of potions and a stethoscope.

-Leave the chocolate, I need to examine the babe. –Zelda says firmly as Lilith refuses to be checked out. The demoness frowns. Again, Zelda only cares about the hellish parasite. She doesn’t even think enough of her to give her a fucking explanation. The ginger tries to move Lilith’s hands away from her bump and the demoness tenses.

Lilith’s breathing becomes heavy and she feels the room closing down on her. She just wants to know why. Why can’t they go back? Who is that stupid friend Zelda has? Yes, that’s what bothers her the most. That friend that Zelda has everyone seems to know about minus her. All she is now is a rent womb, and apparently a rent womb doesn’t deserve to get answers.

Zelda raises the stethoscope towards Lilith, firmly pushing her arms away to check her bump. This time, Lilith lets her. Her arms fall limp at the side of her body and she sighs heavily. She wants to be heard, she wants to be valued for herself not just a trading chip.

-I made a mistake. Nobody sees me now, all they see is this parasite and the potential it has, I’m just a womb now. I am, for Lucifer, for you. –Lilith says quietly, pointing to her growing belly.

-Lilith, that’s not true. –Zelda says, only listening partly as she searches for some heartbeat or something. Lilith can’t be sure and she doesn’t really care. All she cares about is getting Zelda to listen and she’ll be cursed if she shuts up now.

-It is, he only spared my life because of his heir, and you only let me into your house and extended my stay because I am with… this parasite. You can’t even be bothered to look at me or talk to me about anything but it, you don’t even touch me, yet you touch it… -Lilith’s voice breaks at the end of the sentence. Zelda finally looks up. She finally understands what Lilith is saying and horror dawns in her face, in too much shock at her words to say anything.

-I know you hate me, I do, I won’t complain about that since I have earned your hate from the day we first met. –Lilith continues saying, getting courage and knowing if she stops she will never say it. –But I cannot bare the pity, the disdain, the half met contempt while you try to help me against your will.

-You look at me like I’m your charity project. –Zelda looks away at this, pretending to search for something inside her bag. It’s true. Deep inside her mind she has been seeing Lilith as a stray they got home, but that’s not just it. She’s more than that. –Look at me Zelda! I’m even wearing your clothes, your shoes, you underwear and I smell of your soap. I have nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am nothing.

Lilith stops for a second. She looks at Zelda but ginger is still looking away, frozen in place. She keeps going. She’s a small bomb that has just been set off.

-I’m nothing, I’m just a womb, an incubator, and soon this will tear me apart and you won’t have to deal with me ever again but until that happens I just ask you to look at me. At me, not at this.

Zelda looks at Lilith. The demoness is breathing heavily and her face is flushed red.

-Lilith! Listen to me you fool, you have no idea of how much you have been worrying me the past few days… -Zelda finally recovers from her shock and starts to say but the demoness cuts her short.

-Oh please, spare me the act. I know you are only helping me because I am pregnant.

-That’s not true.

-It is.

-It is not, and don’t you dare to think for a second that you know my motives.

-It has to be. Because if it isn’t, why do you help me now, that things are more critical, and you didn’t when I asked you the first time? When I begged you at your doorstep Zelda, why?

Lilith’s voice is trembling but she refuses to let it crack. She will not show weakness in front of someone who could take an advantage of it.

-I offered to help then, better help than any I can offer at this state, but you sent me away. What changed? Even those witches seem to be at your door again. Why do you help me now? The only difference, the only logical answer is you do it because of this. –Lilith points to her stomach, where the baby bump seems to be mocking her. –You’re not helping me. You’re helping yourself because you’re afraid of this and you can’t let it fall onto Lucifer’s hands.

-Lilith…

-Tell me now, if I were to split from this and you could incubate it here without me, would you still keep me around? - Lilith doesn’t let Zelda answer, continuing in a well-kept but now exploding tirade. -No, you wouldn’t. So please, if you ever had the minimum respect for me, don’t lie to me, don’t confuse me, don’t give me hope because I can’t have it. I can’t handle it, Zelda, I can’t handle… I can’t…

The ginger is speechless.

-That’s not how things are. We are helping you and you are helping us, so we can work together in destroying the Dark Lord and fixing all this messes.

-Hope is a cruel thing to give to a dead woman.

-Lilith…

-You might live to see a new sunrise, but I won’t. If He doesn’t kill me, this thing will.

-Shut up. –Zelda raised her hand and turns away.

Lilith is genuinely hurt by this. She has just poured her heart out to this woman and all she has to say is shut up?

-And you have the nerve…

-Lilith, shut up, don’t you dare say those things. They are not true.

Lilith glares.

-Hope…

-It’s not hope you stubborn woman, you know me, and do you honestly think I would help you this much if I didn’t care about you?

Lilith’s glare waves.

-Maybe you like lost causes.

-You’re not a lost cause.

-I…

Lilith can’t finish her sentence when she feels a tear slipping down her cheeks. Zelda rushes forward and wipes it with her thumb before she can.

-You’re Lilith, first among woman, former Queen of hell and my deity. You are a strong witch, one that has been alone for so long. You’re a survivor. For Hecate’s sake, look at you, look at how far you have come.

-Intruding the bed of someone who very clearly does not want me there?

-No! Stop putting words in my mouth. –Zelda sighs and takes Lilith’s hand into her own, causing the demoness to flinch. –I am sorry, you are not an incubator…

-Shut up. –Lilith replies in the same tone as Zelda before.

-What?

-Shut up and do that checkup now. I’m tired and I would like to sleep, if you don’t mind.

-Lilith don’t you dare close on me now.

-I’m the patient, aren’t I? So please, doctor, do your thing. –Lilith refuses to be dissuaded by sugar coated words. She has heard too much of that and it never ends well. The best she can aspire now is killing Lucifer, before the parasite kills her.

Zelda bites her tongue before saying hurtful words. She avoids Lilith’s piercing stare as she checks her vitals. It is awkward for both of them as she prods Lilith's belly and takes her heartbeat. She squirms against her hands, trying to move away as if tickles every minute. Finally Zelda finishes the checking and she leaves her tools on the night table. The demoness seems to be alright, though the pregnancy is advancing at an unnatural rate, even for a magical one.

-You will be fine. –She tells her.

-I knew that, doctor. –Lilith replies coldly, turning on her side away from Zelda and nibbling on her chocolate again as she curls into a little ball.

-I’ll get you real food.

-I’m fine, this is mine, I don’t want anything else. -She replies stubbornly. 

-I’ll still get you real food. -Zelda insists.

-I won’t eat it. -Lilith says, her tongue itching to ask something else.

-You will. -Zelda says firmly, in a tone that doesn't take a no for an answer.

-Who is she? –Lilith asks turning towards her.

-What? –Zelda stares at Lilith as if she had grown two heads. The demoness has the side of her mouth stained with chocolate and she feels the need to wipe it clean with her thumb. She holds her hand down, focusing on the question she has just made her.

Lilith looks straight into Zelda’s eyes. She needs an answer for this. She can’t stand not knowing.

-Your special friend, the one you can’t tell me about. I heard you the other night. What was her name? Mar? Mari? Marie? Something like that.

Zelda stares at Lilith, dumbfounded. So she did hear. And she seems hurt. Why?

-That is none of your business. But she’s Mambo Marie, her name is Marie and she is a witch from New Orleans…

Lilith’s heart catches in her throat at the admission and she stops listening to Zelda’s words. Somehow she had been expecting her to deny everything. To say that it was really in Hilda’s mind and there was no special friend. It seemed she was wrong. The ginger truly didn’t care for her, only her pregnancy and injuries. She must have imagined things in her desperation.

-I’ve been such a fool. –She blurts out, effectively cutting Zelda off. –What a load of bullshit.

-Excuse me? –Zelda frowns, she didn’t even need to give Lilith an explanation and yet she had been giving one only to be rudely interrupted. She feels anger rising up. Maybe she should leave her and go to the house, just to teach her a lesson. She knows Marie would be happy to see her. More than the volatile demoness she has in front of her. But that would be wrong.

-I can’t believe I honestly thought that you, that for a second there…- Lilith cuts herself short, a nervous, anxious laugh leaving her lips as she looks at the ceiling.

-That me what? What on heaven are you rambling about? - Zelda scoops closer, automatically placing her hand over the demoness’ knee.

-Don’t touch me. –Lilith hisses, flinching away

-Lilith what are you talking about? Calm down, please, was it the fall? Did you hit your head? –Zelda says out of medical concern, not realizing how patronizing her words sound. –This is precisely why you need a midwife to help you.

Lilith’s desperate laugh turns shrill as she shakes her head and she moves away from Zelda, tangling herself in the sheets.

-Lilith, talk to me for fucks sake, I can’t read your mind. –Zelda stands up, seriously concerned for the demoness.

Lilith looks at Zelda with so much pain in her eyes, the ginger flinches back. Her ice blue eyes look as cold as an ice storm ready to strike. It’s a look like the one she gave her the night she came to ask for help. Just how much pain does this woman hold?

-I don’t need to tell you anything. –Lilith replies in the same tone Zelda had used before. –My mind is my own, don’t you dare try to read it.

-I wasn’t going to. –Zelda replies, standing up and away from Lilith. –There’s nothing.

-What?

-Between her and me. It didn’t end well.

Lilith looks surprised but she relaxes a little her defensive stand.

-I don’t care. –She says, with her voice much softer than before. She hates how much at ease she feels now, like a dangling sword has been removed from her head. Zelda is single.

-Just so you know, there is no especial friend making me want to return to the academy. It’s the hedge witches there as you say, they can’t know you are pregnant and staying with us. That’s too many people knowing.

-That makes sense. –Lilith says carefully, still feeling light after the new revelations.

-Of course it does. –Zelda rolls her eyes, she is surprised by Lilith’s new softness. Is that part of the pregnancy mood swings?

Lilith falls silent, the only sound in the room for a few seconds is her biting the chocolate. She doesn’t seem to notice she’s got some smeared on the corner of her mouth. Finally she stops eating and offers the chocolate on Zelda’s direction.

-Do you want some? - She asks softly, and it’s her silent way of asking for a truce or maybe forgiveness.

Zelda pulls a face, the chocolate has Lilith’s teeth all over and she doesn’t want to bite it like that. Then she catches Lilith ice blue eyes, they don’t look like a storm anymore, now they are a clear sky silently lending a hand of what little she has. She shrinks a little back when she catches the ginger’s disgusted reaction and Zelda sighs. She can’t say no to her.

-Sure. –She says, but doesn’t go for the offered piece in Lilith’s hand. Instead she reaches with her thumb for Lilith’s mouth. The demoness’ eyes follow her hand and she twitches as if she wanted to pull back but she doesn’t.

Zelda’s thumb meets Lilith’s face and the demoness looks at her with wide eyes, only then realizing how messily she had been eating. Her cheeks tint red and Zelda cups her face, the brunette still doesn’t pull back so she leans forward and wipes the smudge with her tongue. The chocolate melts at the touch and she closes her eyes for a moment. It’s a really good one, not too sweet but not too bitter either. No wonder Lilith liked it.

The demoness’ breathe hitches and Zelda realizes neither of them has moved. Lilith’s eyes flicker close and she closes the space between them, searching for Zelda’s lips with her own. She can already feel her breath, and smell her perfume.

She has just met Zelda’s lips when the ginger pulls away, her hand rubbing her growing bump.

Lilith freezes on the spot. She keeps her eyes closed as she feels her face burning red in shame.

-I can’t, I’m sorry. –Zelda stands up. –I’ll bring you food.

She says and leaves, running away, before the demoness can even process what just happened.

Lilith lays on the bed, with Zelda’s lipstick smudging her lips. She opens her eyes just in time to see Zelda’s hair disappearing through the door.

-What did I do?

She asks as her voice breaks to the empty air. She throws the remaining chocolate furiously to the floor and crawls under the covers. She had always prided herself in having a decent intuition, how had she misread the signs? Or maybe she hadn’t and Zelda had just played her. Either way Lilith hides on the bed and only after a few minutes have passed, her head has exploded in a migraine, and she is sure the ginger won’t come back she allows silent tears to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, sorry? Leave a comment on what you think will happen next <3 I'll try to update soon, can't believe this year is almost over.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell-oo! It's been a while but I'm finally here with a new chapter, for those wondering I will finish this story even if the show has ended (still hoping for a renewal) and part 4 absolutely broke me. That said, have a nice reading <3

**The academy, Zelda’s office**

_What did I do?_

The words ring in Zelda’s ears as she pour herself a good amount of whiskey in a glass to then leave it aside and drink directly from the bottle. The liquid burns her throat, distracting her from the pain in her soul.

She had ran away the second her lips brushed Lilith’s, ran like a coward to hide.

-You didn’t do anything. –She tells the empty room. –It’s me…

Zelda knows she promised Lilith food but she can’t bring herself to go to the kitchens. It means seeing people and answering questions she doesn’t want to answer. The pain of her previous relationships is still heavy on her, dragging her down. It isn’t an excuse… but…

-I’m not ready, I’m sorry. –She whispers to the empty space as takes a swing of alcohol. She wasn’t able to tell Lilith the whole phrase and now she has her pained eyes seared into her brain. –Go away, I don’t want to see.

She whispers again as she drinks some more. It was a bad idea, everything was a bad idea. She knows the demoness was in a precarious situation and jumping on her like that was just wrong, it felt like taking advantage over her and she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t.

-I am sorry. –She repeats as she takes a deep sip, again enjoying and welcoming the pain as it burns her throat.

She sighs and gets and idea. She clearly failed Lilith, but maybe she could swap places with Hilda. She comes help with the research and she goes home to deal with the guests. Anything would be better than returning to see Lilith’s pained expression and knowing she was guilty of creating it

She points to the mirror and connects it to the house immediately. She checks each room, then realizes everyone is at the living room and calls Hilda to talk in private.

-Do you need me home? –She asks, nearing the mirror, as she looks as her blonde sister.

-Zelda? What? Why are you calling, I thought you would be researching with Lilith… -Hilda’s voice sounds shushed and her eyes open comically wide when she sees the bottle in Zelda’s hand. –What happened?

-Nothing, do you need me home? I can go…

-No. You need to stay with Lilith and research now, these guests will be going to the academy later and you two need to return by then.

-Are you sure?

-Yes, and quit drinking, there’s a pregnant lady there who needs you.

Hilda cuts the communication and Zelda looks at the bottle in her hand, setting it on the table. What is she doing? She promised to help Lilith and instead she is drinking her fears away in her office, trying to run away. The demoness isn’t her past, and she won’t be her future either if she continues down that path.

She sighs and gathers courage from where she isn’t sure she has some. Lilith at the very least deserves an explanation. She grabs some cookies she had hanging around her office and slowly makes way to her room.

**The academy, Zelda’s room**

_What did I do?_

Lilith hides under the covers for what feels like hours. She feels so stupid. Not only is it clear Zelda doesn’t want her, but she also fell for her lies. She should have learnt from her previous mistakes.

It is as if someone offers her a lending hand and she immediately catches feelings for them.

No. It won’t do anymore.

-Enough is enough. –She tell herself as she sits up on the bed. It is clear now Zelda isn’t coming back. She is alone and the facts are she is starving on a room that isn’t hers. Is she trapped? Will she find the door locked if she tries to go out?

-I am not wasting my tears, not anymore. –She tells herself, hating how her voice trembles. –It is a waste of time and time is the last thing I have.

She pulls the book to her lap, ignoring how her stomach growls and protests. She came here to research how to kill Lucifer and she is doing it.

-No more distractions. –She says out loud and it feels like a blows to her chest. She didn’t want Zelda to be a distraction, but the witch had left clear nothing could ever happen between them. –I already begged someone for more once, it won’t happen again. Never.

Her head hurts as she advances through the old volume, unsurprisingly it is on an old tongue few understand with a few notes and spells in more familiar languages. She pushes through the pain, fueled by her desire for revenge. She wishes Hilda was here, she’d have a nice meal cooked and… no. Hilda Spellman only cooked for her family plus guests and at the moment she was neither. Displaced to a room on the academy due to rogue witches and a former lover.

Lilith eyes the discarded chocolate. There’s barely any on where she threw it in her fit of rage but she is starving.

-Zelda said she’d be back with food. –She says without thinking and realizes how naïve she sounds. –But Zelda isn’t coming back.

She sighs and fighting her increasing headache she crawls to the border of the bed, extending her arm towards the chocolate. It takes her a few tries but she manages to grab it and return to bed, where she lays panting for a couple of minutes. Exhausted by victorious. Maybe she can do this without them.

-If I were at full power, I wouldn’t need anyone. –She whispers as her stomach growls and she opens the chocolate, her chocolate. –No Spellmans, no lords, no dead men, no betrayal.

She takes the remaining piece to her lips and bites greedily, taking her time to chew and taste it. In her service to the dark lord she had spent long periods of time without food, hell, she had recently survived months without food due to her pregnancy. She just needed to hold enough to sneak and steal food.

With renewed strength for the little sugar she has taken, Lilith continues studying the book. It takes her more than half when she finally finds a clue. It seems the earthly coordinates are all fake and actually lead to where the real resting place is. One of hells further corners.

-Got it.

She smiles and yawns as she marks the page. She thinks about letting the book down and sleeping for a while, it’s easier to avoid hunger while sleeping, but she can’t. She wonders what other spells the book holds… maybe one could help her situation.

After some searching, she finds a numbing spell that promises concentration and focus. It seems to be too good to be true and yet she finds herself drawn to it. Would it even work with her unstable magic? There’s only one way to find out.

-καθαρίστε το μυαλό μου καθαρίστε τις σκέψεις μου, μπορεί η καρδιά μου να είναι απαλλαγμένη από το βάρος της να κάνει ό, τι πρέπει

Lilith whispers in greek as she closes her eyes. When she opens them she realizes she feels numb. There’s hate, yes, but the pain seems like a distant memory and so does laughter but she figures it is a decent price to pay.

-So you did work. –She says with a small smirk. Now all she needs to do is hope it lasts enough, and if it ends she could just recast it. Shouldn’t be difficult since she seems to be alone almost all the time.

-What did work? –A deep voice surprises her from the door and makes her jump on the spot. Yet when she turns around, fearing and expecting the turmoil of emotions she had felt before, they don’t come. In fact nothing does.

-I found it. –Lilith replies instead. She looks at Zelda with a critical eye. The ginger seems to be holding something in her hand but she can’t see properly what it is. –How to find the spear of longinus.

-You did? –She sounds surprised as she walks in and closes the door. –Where?

-You doubted me? –Lilith asks and she herself is surprised by how cold her voice sounds. It’s still weak and rough, but definitely has an edge of coldness to it.

-No, of course not. –Zelda says as she crosses to room quickly and sits next to Lilith.

The demoness turns to her, the numbness providing her a bravery she had forgotten she possessed. She can’t help to draw back as she smells alcohol in the ginger’s breath. She looks at her hand and finds a small package of cookies. That was what took her so long to find?

A part of her mind wants to say at least she brought her something but she pushes it back. Zelda clearly preferred to have a miserable drinking session with herself.

-Listen, Lilith, about what happened before I need you to know that…

-I don’t care.

-… it is nothing personal… what? –Zelda asks, sounding surprised and genuinely hurt.

-We came here to find the location of the weapon that will kill Lucifer and we did. That’s it. You don’t need to give me any explanation.

-I want to give you…

-No. I do not wish to hear it. We have more important things to focus on. –Lilith says coldly as her stomach growls. Zelda immediately offers her the cookie but Lilith shakes her head. She can remember feeling hungry but she doesn’t feel so anymore. That spell is brilliant. She only hopes it can last enough.

-We should head back to the mortuary and tells the others since I can’t do the search myself on my state.

Lilith adds in a command voice, causing Zelda to look at her as if she had lost her brain.

-We can’t go to the academy, the hedge witches are there and…

-I don’t care about past lovers, truly, Spellman you don’t need to give me any explanation. All I want is the spear so I can kill Lucifer.

-What is wrong with you?

-Nothing is wrong with me. Can’t I have one success without you turning against me?

-That’s not…

-I don’t want to hear it. –Lilith repeats and her stomach growls louder. She grimaces at the noise, she can hear it but not feel it.

-Please, just take the cookies.

-You mean the scraps you found between your drinking session? I don’t think I will.

Zelda peaks over Lilith’s arms into the open page of the book.

-That doesn’t look inside a map.

-Because it isn’t. You took so long I decided to explore some more. You can’t tell my mind to remain prisoner…

-You are not a prisoner.

-Good, then are we going back to the house or what?

-We are, the hedge witches are coming here.

-Fun, I’ll be your dirty little secret. –Lilith deadpans and looks away. She feels numb but there’s still something nagging her inside. That wasn’t what she expected.

Zelda falls silent then, she offers to help Lilith stand but the demoness shakes her head. Her legs tremble and she leans slightly on the bed.

-We can appear directly in your room. Nobody needs to see me.

She says practically as she holds the book under her right arm.

-You should be going straight to the embalming room for a medical examination. –Zelda replies with a perplexed frown.

-Then take me to the death if you must but do it quickly, I need this research to progress.

Lilith’s voice maintains a cold distance. She feels disassociated from her words. She knows she should be feeling something but she doesn’t. There’s nothing except the rationality of her brain.

-I’ll keep the book with me, to advance a bit more as I wait for you to dispatch your new guests.

-You said you found it, I’m taking the book to show it to Sabrina and Ambrose as they will be traveling.

-I’m the one who found it, I should be the one to explain it.

-Then I’ll get them both downstairs and you’ll explain from bed rest.

-Don’t you trust me with the book?

-Lunae magicae. –Zelda cuts their discussion off by teleporting them to the center of the embalming room. She doesn’t want to tell Lilith but she is afraid of her finding a spell that does more harm than good. In her reduced magic status she doesn’t know what she could cast or not but she doesn’t want to risk it. Little does she know the damage has already been done.

The sudden change takes Lilith by surprise and the book slips from her finger as she doubles in two at a sudden pang of pain in her stomach.

-Ah! –She cries out, hugging herself, and she would have fallen if it hadn’t been for Zelda’s arms catching her just on time. –More advice next time…

-You nearly fainted, you don’t get to complain.

-I did not. –Lilith protests but still lets Zelda carry her to one of the small beds. The ginger takes her shoes off, as if wanting to make sure she’d stay in bed, to which the demoness rolls her eyes. Shoes had never stopped her from running before and they wouldn’t stop her now. What would stop her was that she had nowhere else to go.

-Just sit. –Zelda throws the cookies at her once she has finished, mixing one caring movement with cold one as the picks up the book from the floor. –And eat. Those better be empty by the time I come back.

She runs upstairs, leaving an even more confused demoness behind. Now that she can’t feel her emotions she realizes she truly doesn’t understand the ginger witch. She sees Zelda’s actions from another perspective. She helps her, then she is rude to her. She tries to kiss her, then she turns away. She claims to want to help her, then takes away the only tool that truly could.

-What did I do?

She questions herself in honest confusion, and it is only then, with her emotions gone, she is able to see it isn’t anything she did or could do. It isn’t her, it is Zelda.

The ginger stops at the beginning of the stairs, before announcing she is back to the family, and opens the book where it has been marked, expecting to find the location of the spear. Instead another spell meets her eye. A numbing spell. Lilith’s previous reactions, or lack of reactions now make sense and suddenly everything clicks into place. The book almost falls from her hands and horror paints her face.

-Oh Lilith, what have you done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry? Not sorry? Too mean? Hehe, leave a comment and next chapter will be up soon (sooner than this one, I promise!) <3


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